I. DEFINITIONS<\/p>\n
A. What Is a Friend?<\/p>\n
\u2022 A friend is a person united to another by feelings of affection, loyal support and social interaction.<\/p>\n
\u2022 The word friend comes from the Old English word freond, which means \u201cfriend, lover, relative\u201d and freogan, which means \u201cto love.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The Greek word for \u201cfriend\u201d is philos, which is a term of endearment.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Philadelphia means \u201cbrotherly love.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 Philanthropy means \u201cthe love for man, benevolence.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGreater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.\u201d
\n(John 15:13)<\/p>\n
B. What Is a Companion?<\/p>\n
\u2022 A companion is a person who associates with and shares in what another is doing.<\/p>\n
\u2022 One Greek word meaning companion is hetairos.<\/p>\n
\u2022 A companion is a person associated with another by \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 having a common interest \u2026 \u201ccompanions of thieves\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour rulers are rebels, companions of thieves; they all love bribes and chase after gifts.\u201d (Isaiah 1:23)<\/p>\n
\u2014 having a common experience \u2026 \u201ccompanion in suffering\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus.\u201d (Revelation 1:9)<\/p>\n
\u2014 having a common leader \u2026 \u201cJudas, a disciple\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJesus replied, \u2018Friend, do what you came for.\u2019 \u201d (Matthew 26:50)<\/p>\n
(In this instance, hetairos is translated \u201cfriend\u201d but means \u201ccompanion.\u201d)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Companion is a term of association, not necessarily friendship.
\n\u201cMy friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away.\u201d (Psalm 38:11)<\/p>\n
C. What Is Friendship?<\/p>\n
\u2022 A friendship is a reciprocal relationship of liking and loving between two people.<\/p>\n
\u2022 A friendship is a mutual emotion based on liking\u2014phileo love. The Greek word phileo means \u201cjoy of being together, tender affection.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 A mature friendship also includes agape love. The Greek word agape means \u201ca commitment to seek the highest good of another\u201d (even when that one has characteristics you don\u2019t like).<\/p>\n
\u201cPerfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one\u2019s friend springs from his earnest counsel.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 27:9)<\/p>\n
Q \u201cWas I wrong to report my friend for being on drugs and running the risk of hurting his own child? He refuses to have anything to do with me now and I really miss him.\u201d<\/p>\n
A No, out of concern for both your friend and his child, you were not wrong to report your friend. To the contrary, you were right in seeking to protect him from himself and to protect his child from possible injury.<\/p>\n
Obviously, your friend needs help. Helping a friend who puts others at risk means holding your friend accountable. Sometimes we are often led by God to do something that causes our loved ones to suffer a little now so that they won\u2019t suffer a lot later. Your decision was right because:<\/p>\n
\u2022 You tried to save your friend from doing something that could possibly harm his relationship with his son for the rest of his life.<\/p>\n
\u2022 You stepped in and spared him from doing something he could regret forever.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Your action was that of a true friend\u2014doing what is in the best interest of another regardless of how that person responds. Pray that, in time, God will use your intervention to open the eyes of your friend and to serve as a catalyst for him to change.<\/p>\n
\u201cBetter is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.\u201d (Proverbs 27:5\u20136)<\/p>\n
II. CHARACTERISTICS OF FRIENDSHIPS<\/p>\n
A. Levels of Friendships<\/p>\n
CASUAL<\/p>\n
\u2022 Occasional contact<\/p>\n
\u2022 Common interests and activities<\/p>\n
\u2022 Some knowledge of accomplishments, abilities and character qualities<\/p>\n
\u2022 Concern for personal problems<\/p>\n
\u2022 Guarded emotions<\/p>\n
\u2022 No accountability<\/p>\n
\u201cI hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.\u201d
\n(3 John 14)<\/p>\n
CLOSE<\/p>\n
\u2022 Regular contact<\/p>\n
\u2022 Shared interests and activities<\/p>\n
\u2022 Sensitivity to likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses<\/p>\n
\u2022 Personal comfort during trials and sorrows<\/p>\n
\u2022 Willingness to become vulnerable<\/p>\n
\u2022 Limited accountability<\/p>\n
\u201cDo two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?\u201d
\n(Amos 3:3)<\/p>\n
COMMITTED<\/p>\n
\u2022 Commitment of quality time to be together<\/p>\n
\u2022 Mutual values and life goals<\/p>\n
\u2022 Freedom to help correct character flaws<\/p>\n
\u2022 Personal involvement in defending reputation<\/p>\n
\u2022 Risk of transparency<\/p>\n
\u2022 Mutual commitment with sacrificial love<\/p>\n
\u201cGreater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.\u201d
\n(John 15:13)<\/p>\n
B. Friendships of Jesus<\/p>\n
\u2022 Casual Friendships
\ntax collector and other sinners
\nLuke: 7:34
\n\u2022 Close Friendships
\nEight of the 12 apostles (not Judas Iscariot)
\nJohn 15:15 (Judas not present)
\n\u2022 Committed Friendships
\nthree apostles
\n\u2014 Peter
\n\u2014 James
\n\u2014 John
\nMark 14:33<\/p>\n
\u201cAfter six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves.\u201d
\n(Matthew 17:1)<\/p>\n
III. CAUSES OF FAILED FRIENDSHIPS<\/p>\n
A. Selfishness<\/p>\n
\u2022 Self-contempt.
\nhaving a poor self-image
\n\u2022 Self-centered.
\nabsorbed with one\u2019s own needs and desires
\n\u2022 Self-conscious.
\nshy, uncomfortable with attention of others
\n\u2022 Self-deceiving.
\nnot honest about facts and feelings
\n\u2022 Self-defensive.
\nalways justifying actions
\n\u2022 Self-pitying.
\nfocusing on personal sorrow
\n\u2022 Self-pride.
\nperfectionistic
\n\u2022 Self-righteous.
\njudgmental
\n\u2022 Self-serving.
\ncontrolling and manipulative
\n\u2022 Self-sufficient.
\nnot making quality time to nurture friendships<\/p>\n
\u201cWe all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.\u201d
\n(Isaiah 53:6)<\/p>\n
B. Root Cause<\/p>\n
Wrong Beliefs:<\/p>\n
\u201cI wish I had a friend who gave me a feeling of belonging and made me feel significant.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need a friend who will give me unconditional love without wanting to change me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Right Beliefs:<\/p>\n
God is the only Friend whose love is always unconditional. Because He loves me, He plans to change me \u2026 sometimes through my friends.<\/p>\n
Instead of focusing on getting friendship, I will focus on giving it. My joy and significance will be found in serving and befriending others as an extension of the Lord\u2019s love.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father\u2019s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.\u201d (John 15:10\u201312)<\/p>\n
IV. STEPS TO SOLUTION<\/p>\n
A. Key Verse to Memorize<\/p>\n
\u201cA friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 17:17)<\/p>\n
B. Key Passage to Read and Reread<\/p>\n
Philippians chapter 2:1\u201310<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death\u2014even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.\u201d<\/p>\n
C. How to Fan the Flame of Friendship<\/p>\n
DO\u2019S<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Recognize that you need wise friends.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.\u201d (Proverbs 13:20)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Look for others in need of a friend.<\/p>\n
\u201cEach of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.\u201d (Philippians 2:4)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Ask God to bring a faithful friend into your life.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.\u201d (1 John 5:14)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Be approachable by smiling at others.<\/p>\n
\u201cA happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.\u201d (Proverbs 15:13)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Speak to others by name. (Jesus speaks to you by name.)<\/p>\n
\u201cThe watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.\u201d (John 10:3)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Listen attentively to others.<\/p>\n
\u201c[There is] a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.\u201d (Ecclesiastes 3:7)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Give genuine compliments and encouragement.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.\u201d (Proverbs 16:21)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Ask open-ended questions.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cWhat do you like most about your job?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cWho has been the best influence in your life?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cWhat would you change about your childhood?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe purposes of a man\u2019s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.\u201d (Proverbs 20:5)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Help others verbalize their feelings.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cI sense that you are hurting.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cHas something difficult happened in your life?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cHow do you feel about what has happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cI want you to know that I care.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPerfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one\u2019s friend springs from his earnest counsel.\u201d (Proverbs 27:9)<\/p>\n
Do \u2026 Look for the kernel of truth in your friend\u2019s criticism.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.\u201d (Proverbs 27:17)<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.\u201d
\n\u2014Dale Carnegie<\/p>\n
DON\u2019TS<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t wait for others to reach out to you.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.\u201d (2 Timothy 1:7)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t share just facts \u2026 share your feelings.<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cRecently, I have had trouble with.\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSurely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.\u201d (Psalm 51:6)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t expect everyone to like you.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.\u201d (Proverbs 15:18)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t expect your friends\u2019 friends to be your friends.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.\u201d (Philippians 4:19)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t focus on your interests, but ask about the interests of others.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.\u201d (Philippians 2:3)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be quick to voice your own opinions.<\/p>\n
\u201cA fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.\u201d (Proverbs 18:2)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t harbor unforgiveness over offenses.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.\u201d (Proverbs 17:9)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t share negative information about others.<\/p>\n
\u201cA perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.\u201d (Proverbs 16:28)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t look to a friend to meet your needs for love, for significance and for security.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me\u2014put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.\u201d (Philippians 4:9)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t let your friend take the place that God alone should have.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou shall have no other gods before me.\u201d (Exodus 20:3)<\/p>\n
D. Scriptural Portrait of Faithful Friends<\/p>\n
1 Samuel chapters 18\u201320; 23<\/p>\n
JONATHAN AND DAVID
\n\u2022 Unity
\nJonathan became one in spirit with David.
\n18:1
\n\u2022 Sacrificial Love
\nJonathan loved David as he loved himself.
\n18:1
\n\u2022 Commitment
\nJonathan made a friendship covenant with David.
\n18:3
\n\u2022 Generosity
\nJonathan gave David his tunic, sword, bow and belt.
\n18:4
\n\u2022 Honesty
\nJonathan warned David of his father\u2019s desire to kill him.
\n19:1\u20132
\n\u2022 Praise
\nJonathan spoke well of David to his father.
\n19:4
\n\u2022 Encouragement
\nJonathan told David not to fear for his life.
\n19:7
\n\u2022 Faithfulness
\nJonathan told David he would do whatever David wanted him to do.
\n20:4
\n\u2022 Trustworthiness
\nJonathan told David he could trust him to warn him.
\n20:9
\n\u2022 Loyalty
\nJonathan and David shared oaths to protect each other\u2019s families.
\n20:14\u201317
\n\u2022 Integrity
\nJonathan made the Lord witness to all he did for David.
\n20:42
\n\u2022 Compassion
\nJonathan was grieved at his father\u2019s treatment of David.
\n20:34
\n\u2022 Emotional vulnerability
\nJonathan and David kissed each other and wept together.
\n20:41
\n\u2022 Spiritual strengthening
\nJonathan encouraged David to lean on God for strength.
\n23:16
\n\u2022 Refusing rivalry
\nJonathan refused to compete with David for the throne, although he was the son of the king.
\n23:17<\/p>\n
One great failure in friendship is letting a friend lean on us too long. The greatest gift we can give is fortifying our friend to lean on the Rock\u2014our Redeemer\u2014our only firm Foundation.<\/p>\n
\u2014June Hunt<\/p>\n
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION\u00ae. NIV\u00ae.
\nCopyright \u00a9 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n
We acknowledge that mistakes could occur in the writing of any of our resources or an omission may be found in the many Scripture references and citations contained herein. Although the editors have sought to avoid all errors, some may have crept in or been overlooked, for which we take full responsibility. The considerate reader would render us a great service by calling our attention to any such error.<\/p>\n
The Biblical Counseling Keys should not be construed as a substitute for one-on-one, Christ-centered counseling when needed.<\/p>\n
To order CDs, tapes, resource books and additional Biblical Counseling Keys on Divorce, Forgiveness, Identity: Who Are You? Loneliness, Purpose in Life, Rejection, Singleness, Widowhood, and other related topics, contact HOPE FOR THE HEART P.O. Box 7 Dallas, TX 75221 or call toll-free 1-800-488-HOPE (4673). Please visit our website for License Agreement and Terms and Conditions.
\nwww.hopefortheheart.org<\/p>\n
All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this material may be reproduced in any form without written permission from HOPE FOR THE HEART.
\n\u00a9 1992\u20132008 HOPE FOR THE HEART<\/p>\n
title Biblical Counseling Keys on Friendship: Iron Sharpening Iron
\npublisher Hope For The Heart
\nauthor Hunt, June<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I. DEFINITIONS A. What Is a Friend? \u2022 A friend is a person united to another by feelings of affection, loyal support and social interaction. \u2022 The word friend comes from the Old English word freond, which means \u201cfriend, lover, relative\u201d and freogan, which means \u201cto love.\u201d \u2022 The Greek word for \u201cfriend\u201d is philos, … <\/p>\n