I. DEFINITIONS<\/p>\n
Nothing penetrates the core of a child\u2019s inner being like sexual abuse. Its long tentacles reach deep within the child \u2026 wrapping around the young heart \u2026 choking and killing innocence and trust. For many, the terror is so overwhelming that no part of the child\u2019s soul is able to escape its evil presence. As with Marilyn Van Derber years after her abuse, its degrading impact continued to corrode her personal dignity and pervert her perception of others. She, as well as other victims, can truly identify with the suffering of Job: the terror attacks, the loss of dignity, the lack of security.<\/p>\n
\u201cTerrors overwhelm me; my dignity is driven away as by the wind, my safety vanishes like a cloud.\u201d
\n(Job 30:15)<\/p>\n
A. What Is Childhood Sexual Abuse?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Childhood sexual abuse is any physical, visual or verbal interaction with a minor by an older person whose purpose is sexual stimulation or sexual satisfaction.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Abuse means mistreatment, using something or someone in an inappropriate manner.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Abuse is intentional, not accidental.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Abuse results in emotional, mental and\/or physical harm.<\/p>\n
\u2022 The word abuse in Hebrew is chalal, which means \u201cto do harm, to defile.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Sexual abuse of a child is almost always committed by someone the child knows or with whom the child has frequent contact, such as:<\/p>\n
\u2014 family member<\/p>\n
\u2014 family friend<\/p>\n
\u2014 babysitter<\/p>\n
\u2014 teacher<\/p>\n
\u2014 doctor<\/p>\n
\u2014 institutional worker<\/p>\n
\u2014 mother\u2019s live-in boyfriend or transient suitor<\/p>\n
\u2014 neighbor<\/p>\n
\u2014 coach<\/p>\n
\u2014 church leader<\/p>\n
\u2014 older friend<\/p>\n
\u2014 playmate\u2019s older siblings<\/p>\n
\u2014 daycare worker<\/p>\n
The Bible is not silent about inappropriate sexual interaction:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CLAIM<\/p>\n
\u201cHe lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.\u201d
\n(Psalm 10:9)<\/p>\n
B. What Is Incest?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Incest is sexual interaction with a child or an adolescent by a person who is a member of the child\u2019s family: blood relative, an adoptive relative or someone related by marriage and remarriage.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Incest often progresses from subtle touching to sexual fondling and then to more extensive sexual activity.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Incestuous relationships usually continue over a long period of time.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Incest occurs primarily in the following relationships (in order of predominance):<\/p>\n
\u2014 Daughter with father or stepfather<\/p>\n
\u2014 Daughter with grandfather, uncle or male cousin<\/p>\n
\u2014 Sister with brother, half brother or brother-in-law<\/p>\n
\u2014 Son with father or stepfather<\/p>\n
\u2014 Son with grandfather, uncle or male cousin<\/p>\n
\u2014 Son with mother<\/p>\n
\u2014 Daughter with mother<\/p>\n
The Bible is not silent about incest:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CENSURE<\/p>\n
\u201cNo one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the LORD.\u201d
\n(Leviticus 18:6)
\n(Read Leviticus 18:6\u201318.)<\/p>\n
C. What Is the Difference between Molestation and Rape?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Molestation is unlawful sexual contact, but usually not sexual penetration.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Rape is a sudden, forceful act resulting in sexual penetration.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Rape is usually a onetime event, whereas molestation can continue over a period of time.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Molestation and rape are committed primarily by people the child knows, but also by strangers.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Even when the perpetrator is a family member, sometimes the terms molestation and rape are used in place of the word incest.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Molestation and rape often occur in the following places:<\/p>\n
\u2014 playground<\/p>\n
\u2014 ballpark\/public park<\/p>\n
\u2014 gymnasium<\/p>\n
\u2014 nearby wooded area<\/p>\n
\u2014 swimming pool<\/p>\n
\u2014 public restroom<\/p>\n
\u2014 theater<\/p>\n
\u2014 department\/grocery store<\/p>\n
\u2014 child\u2019s home<\/p>\n
\u2014 baby\/child-sitter\u2019s home<\/p>\n
\u2014 neighbor\u2019s home<\/p>\n
\u2014 daycare center<\/p>\n
\u2014 church<\/p>\n
\u2014 doctor\u2019s office<\/p>\n
\u2014 school\/city bus<\/p>\n
\u2014 classroom<\/p>\n
The Bible is not silent about the seriousness of rape:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CONSEQUENCE<\/p>\n
\u201cIf out in the country a man happens to meet a girl pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. Do nothing to the girl; she has committed no sin deserving death.\u201d
\n(Deuteronomy 22:25\u201326)<\/p>\n
D. What Is the Scope of Sexual Abuse?<\/p>\n
Childhood sexual abuse is an umbrella term that covers a variety of direct and indirect sexually inappropriate actions with children for the sexual gratification of an older child or adult. Such exploitation is like a violent storm that leaves a chilling aftermath of fear and devastation.<\/p>\n
CHECKLIST FOR CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE<\/p>\n
Indirect Sexual Abuse<\/p>\n
\u2022 As a child, were you \u2026<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Stared at while undressing, bathing or urinating? (voyeurism)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Intentionally exposed to the nudity of or made to bathe with someone much older than you? (exhibitionism)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Made to listen to sexual talk? (lewdness)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Shown sexual pictures, magazines, videos or movies? (pornography)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Made to pose for sexual photographs, videos or movies? (child pornography)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Made to sexually stimulate yourself with another person observing you? (masturbation)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Teased or ridiculed about your body or made to feel you were a sex object? (psychological sexual abuse)<\/p>\n
Direct Sexual Abuse<\/p>\n
\u2022 As a child, were you \u2026<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Touched or caressed in sexually sensitive areas or bathed in a way that felt sexually intrusive? (fondling)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Kissed in a sexual way? (intimate kissing)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Made to touch the sexual parts of another person? (fondling)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Made to perform oral sex? (oral genital contact)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Manipulated or forced into unwanted sexual intercourse or anal sex? (penetration\/rape)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Made to engage in satanic ritualistic abuse and sexual torture? (SRA)<\/p>\n
\u25a1 Subjected to the painful use of objects on your sexual parts? (sadism)<\/p>\n
The Bible promises justice and hope:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL COMMITMENT<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the wicked dreads will overtake him; what the righteous desire will be granted. When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 10:24\u201325)<\/p>\n
E. Who Is the Victim of Childhood Sexual Abuse?<\/p>\n
\u2022 A child victim of sexual abuse is any boy or girl under the age of eighteen who has suffered a single experience or many experiences of sexual abuse.<\/p>\n
\u2022 A child in legal terms is referred to as a \u201cminor.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 A child (minor) is defined as a person under the age of eighteen.<\/p>\n
\u2022 A child victim of sexual abuse is overwhelmed with a sense of powerlessness.<\/p>\n
\u2014 A child has no choice about being abused.<\/p>\n
\u2014 A child does not have the ability to stop the abuse.<\/p>\n
\u2014 A child is defenseless against the emotional pain.<\/p>\n
\u2014 A child feels helpless and totally alone.<\/p>\n
The Bible is not silent about God\u2019s concern for victims:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL COMFORT<\/p>\n
\u201cYou, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.\u2026 You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.\u201d
\n(Psalm 10:14, 17)<\/p>\n
F. Who Is the Victimizer in Childhood Sexual Abuse?<\/p>\n
PERPETRATORS<\/p>\n
\u2022 Adult Seducer of Children<\/p>\n
\u2014Familial The most frequent victimizers of children in their own families are fathers and stepfathers. They either prefer sex with children or use their own children just because they are available.<\/p>\n
\u2014Preferential Referred to as a pedophile, this is a person who is significantly older than the child and who demonstrates a compulsive preference for prepubescent children with little or no sexual interest in peers. Pedophiles primarily victimize nonfamily members. Pedophiles who abuse nonfamily members average 90 victims, whereas pedophiles who abuse family members average two victims.<\/p>\n
\u2014Situational This sexual perpetrator does not have a true preference for children, but rather engages in sex with a child just because the child is available or to seek revenge. Angry, bored or feeling powerless, this victimizer is looking for anyone to sexually violate, and children often fit the situation.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Adult Rapist of Children<\/p>\n
The most dangerous of child abusers is the rapist, who is usually a person significantly older than the child and who commits cruel, violent acts. The rape of one particular child is usually a onetime incident.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Child Perpetrator of Children<\/p>\n
The child perpetrator is a minor who sexually violates a younger child. Typically, these victimizers have been abused as children and, as a result, have learned to abuse other children in the same way.<\/p>\n
The Bible reveals the intent of the victimizers:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CONDEMNATION<\/p>\n
\u201cA malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 26:24\u201326)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Permissive Parent<\/p>\n
One of the primary roles of parents is to protect their children from harm. Permissive parents fail in this most basic duty. They not only permit their children to be abused, but also appear to favor the guilty over the innocent. Surprisingly, victims often feel far more anger toward their permissive parent than toward the actual perpetrator.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Passive Parent<\/p>\n
Usually a mother, the passive parent gives silent consent to sexual abuse by ignoring it. Most often she feels powerless to protect herself or her children. She victimizes her child by withholding physical protection and doubly victimizes her child by withholding emotional support.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Preoccupied Parent<\/p>\n
Preoccupied parents are so absorbed in their own personal lives or their own emotional problems that they fail to protect their children. They lack the sensitivity and discernment needed to see the signs of a child in distress.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Prideful Parent<\/p>\n
Prideful parents cannot or will not believe that sexual abuse could exist within their \u201cpicture perfect\u201d home. Their self-centered pride prevents them from taking their own child\u2019s word that such a travesty has happened.<\/p>\n
The Bible chastises protectors of the guilty, those who fail to protect the innocent:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CHASTISEMENT<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is not good to be partial to the wicked or to deprive the innocent of justice.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 18:5)<\/p>\n
G. What Is the Typical Course of Childhood Sexual Abuse?<\/p>\n
Typically, childhood sexual abuse is not a onetime, isolated incident, but rather a premeditated plan resulting in repeated abuse by a perpetrator. While the details of each victimization are different, perpetrators follow a typical course of behavior: intentionally seducing and then stimulating, silencing and then suppressing the victim. Once the victim is suppressed, the child loses all hope.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Seduction<\/p>\n
The perpetrator emotionally seduces the child by developing intimacy, progressively building trust and giving pleasure. This is accomplished by becoming an attentive friend, showing preferential treatment, giving money, gifts, bribes or rewards.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Stimulation<\/p>\n
The child feels pleasure in physical touch that seems appropriate, affirming and warm (playful wrestling and tender touching such as hugs and gentle back rubs). Over time the child becomes desensitized and vulnerable to a progression of more advanced sexual activity. The increased physical encroachment may not be enjoyable, but the increased sexual stimulation can be enjoyable. (By God\u2019s design, the body naturally responds to sexual stimulation. While children eventually feel conflicted over the mixture of pain and pleasure, no guilt should ever be attributed to the child\u2014the guilt belongs to the abuser alone.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Silence<\/p>\n
The perpetrator moves to ensure the victim\u2019s silence through intimidation and fear-inducing threats. A warped sense of loyalty has already been cultivated within the child through special attention, gifts and privileges. Although the abuse may be a onetime event or continue for years, few victims ever tell. The destructive secret remains imbedded for years in a quagmire of ambivalent feelings such as love and hate, pleasure and shame, tenderness and terror. They feel rage at the reality of being in the relationship and rage at the possibility of losing the relationship. Meanwhile, abusers are keenly aware of their power over their innocent prey.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Suppression<\/p>\n
When no one rescues the child from the abusive relationship, the child feels doubly betrayed. Any hope of ever being \u201csaved\u201d by anyone, including God, is destroyed. The child, feeling no choice but to bow to the supreme power of the perpetrator, slips quietly into enslavement. Then, when hopelessness reigns, the soul is suppressed and the light within the spirit is snuffed out.<\/p>\n
The Bible describes men of deception:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CAUTION<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is no fear of God before his eyes. For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin. The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good. Even on his bed he plots evil; he commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.\u201d
\n(Psalm 36:1\u20134)<\/p>\n
H. What Is the Challenge Following Child Abuse?<\/p>\n
If you were abused as a child, your challenge\u2014along with every victim\u2014is to move from victim to victor, from survivor to conqueror through the indwelling power of Christ.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Victim<\/p>\n
The victim who continues to feel like a victim into adulthood is living with a \u201cvictim mentality\u201d\u2014still feeling powerless and therefore acting powerless. Typically moving from one abusive relationship to another, this victim lives in denial, refuses to face the secret of the past and possesses no knowledge of how to receive help and healing.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Survivor<\/p>\n
The survivor is aware of the need for facing the past. With complete honesty, the survivor takes action to deal with debilitating issues such as false guilt and shame, anger and unforgiveness, loneliness and grief, personal sin and repentance.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Conqueror<\/p>\n
The conqueror is victorious over the past and no longer in bondage to the memories of the abuser or of the abuse. Through an intimate relationship with Christ, giving Him full control, the conqueror grows in self-worth, vulnerability and the capacity to experience authentic love and intimacy with others. Ultimately the desire to reach out and minister to others becomes reality.<\/p>\n
The Bible reveals our hope for victory:<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL CHALLENGE<\/p>\n
\u201cIn all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.\u201d
\n(Romans 8:37)<\/p>\n
II. CHARACTERISTICS OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE<\/p>\n
In order to survive, I split into a day child, who giggled and smiled, and a night child, who lay awake in a fetal position, only to be pried apart by my father. Until I was 24, the day child had no conscious knowledge of the night child. During the day, no embarrassing or angry glances ever passed between my father and me. I had no rage toward him at all, because I had no conscious knowledge of what he was doing to me. Anyone who knew me would say I was the happiest child. I believed I was happy.\u2026 Still, incest colored every aspect of my life.<\/p>\n
Though the sexual experience may differ from victim to victim, these words from Marilyn Van Derber mirror the emotional experience of many young victims. Early they learn to disconnect from their feelings in order to survive. Memory loss may be God\u2019s way of protecting their young hearts from this paralyzing fact: Those who should have been their protectors were their perpetrators!<\/p>\n
Ultimately, the Lord our God is Jehovah Rapha, \u201cthe God who heals.\u201d He knows how to bring to the surface repressed memories.\u2026 He knows when each person is ready to receive his emotional healing.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor I am the LORD, who heals you.\u201d
\n(Exodus 15:26)<\/p>\n
A. What Are Emotional Signs of Abuse?<\/p>\n
Typically, a victim develops some of the following symptoms:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anxiety or panic attacks<\/p>\n
\u2022 Apathy<\/p>\n
\u2022 Confused sexual identity<\/p>\n
\u2022 Depression<\/p>\n
\u2022 Excessive need for love and attention<\/p>\n
\u2022 Emotional withdrawal, introversion<\/p>\n
\u2022 False guilt<\/p>\n
\u2022 Fear of authority figures<\/p>\n
\u2022 Fear of going to bed, nightmares or other sleep disturbances<\/p>\n
\u2022 Fear of intimacy<\/p>\n
\u2022 Inability to concentrate in school<\/p>\n
\u2022 Low self-worth<\/p>\n
\u2022 Mistrust<\/p>\n
\u2022 Psychoneurosis (hysteria, phobias, obsessions, compulsions)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Regression to an earlier phase of development (babylike) or pseudo-mature (adultlike) behavior<\/p>\n
\u2022 Self-consciousness and insecurity<\/p>\n
\u2022 Self-destructive behavior<\/p>\n
\u2022 Splitting off into different personalities (DID\u2014Dissociative Identity Disorder)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Shame<\/p>\n
\u2022 Unexplained mood changes<\/p>\n
\u2022 Unpredictable anger, aggression, rage<\/p>\n
Q \u201cIf a child is abused at a very early age, won\u2019t time erase any memory of what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
A Emotional damage to the soul of a child can last a lifetime. Even when there is no memory of the event and without understanding why, victims of sexual abuse can carry a crippling loss of self-worth, an overwhelming amount of shame and a fear-based outlook on life and relationships.<\/p>\n
\u201cListen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name.\u201d (Psalm 142:6\u20137)<\/p>\n
B. What Are Physical Signs of Abuse?<\/p>\n
Most victims display some of the following more obvious signs of abuse:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Abdominal pain<\/p>\n
\u2022 Bed-wetting, change in toilet habits<\/p>\n
\u2022 Complaints of sickness or frequent headaches<\/p>\n
\u2022 Failure to accomplish simple tasks<\/p>\n
\u2022 Genital itching, yeast or bladder infections<\/p>\n
\u2022 Habit disorders (severe biting, thumb-sucking, rocking)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Memory loss<\/p>\n
\u2022 Masturbation, excessive or in public<\/p>\n
\u2022 Obsessive washing and cleaning<\/p>\n
\u2022 Pain when urinating<\/p>\n
\u2022 Premarital pregnancy<\/p>\n
\u2022 Sad facial expressions or frequent crying<\/p>\n
\u2022 Self-mutilation (self-injury\u2014a cutter)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Sitting or walking difficulties<\/p>\n
\u2022 Suicidal gestures<\/p>\n
\u2022 Torn, stained or blood-spotted underpants<\/p>\n
\u2022 Undernourished appearance<\/p>\n
\u2022 Vaginal or rectal pain, swelling, bruises or bleeding<\/p>\n
\u2022 Vaginal\/penile discharge<\/p>\n
\u2022 Venereal disease<\/p>\n
Note: If a child is experiencing any of these physical problems, be sure to consult a health care professional.<\/p>\n
C. What Are Social Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse?<\/p>\n
Victims usually have difficulty developing healthy habits and relationships, struggling in several of the following areas:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Abnormal expression of sexuality in writing, drawing or playing<\/p>\n
\u2022 Alcohol and drug abuse<\/p>\n
\u2022 Antisocial behavior, defiance, problems with authority and rules<\/p>\n
\u2022 Arriving early, staying late at school or another safe place<\/p>\n
\u2022 Avoidance of specific people or situations<\/p>\n
\u2022 Deep fear of saying no to adults<\/p>\n
\u2022 Defensive reaction to touch<\/p>\n
\u2022 Dependent, clinging behavior<\/p>\n
\u2022 Eating disorders<\/p>\n
\u2022 Excessive compliance (inability to set personal boundaries)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Exclusive relationship with an older person<\/p>\n
\u2022 Extreme modesty, reluctance to change clothes in front of others<\/p>\n
\u2022 Fear of sleepovers<\/p>\n
\u2022 Poor peer relationships<\/p>\n
\u2022 Premature sexual knowledge or behavior<\/p>\n
\u2022 Promiscuity or seductive behavior with older males<\/p>\n
\u2022 Running away<\/p>\n
\u2022 Secretive<\/p>\n
\u2022 Sexually abusing another child<\/p>\n
\u2022 Sudden drop in school performance or activities<\/p>\n
\u2022 Taking on a parental role<\/p>\n
Q \u201cWill a child who fell victim to early sexual abuse have problems with promiscuity?\u201d<\/p>\n
A Early sexual experiences can sometimes produce sexually promiscuous adolescents. Not all children respond to abuse this way. But once sexual desires have been aroused, sexual boundaries may be destroyed. Longing to feel loved, many victims harden their hearts to God and turn to sexual promiscuity. With a distrust in the Lord, they can \u201clook for love in all the wrong places.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have strayed like a lost sheep.\u201d (Psalm 119:176)<\/p>\n
D. What Are Spiritual Signs of Abuse?<\/p>\n
Children who are victimized generally struggle with some of the following obstacles to their spiritual growth:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Warped negative perceptions of God<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger at God because He did not stop the abuse<\/p>\n
\u2022 Distrusting God for allowing the abuse<\/p>\n
\u2022 Feeling rejected by God and unworthy<\/p>\n
\u2022 Fearing God\u2019s anger and displeasure<\/p>\n
\u2022 Projecting the attributes of the abuser onto God<\/p>\n
\u2022 Possessing a knowledge of God but have little personal experience of God\u2019s love and grace<\/p>\n
\u2022 Difficulty forming an intimate relationship with God<\/p>\n
\u2022 Rejecting God or seeking to gain God\u2019s approval through achieving high levels of performance in church related activities<\/p>\n
Q \u201cWhy is it difficult for many abused children to trust God?\u201d<\/p>\n
A Children tend to see their earthly father as a reflection of the heavenly Father. If their earthly father is untrustworthy and abusive, they assume the heavenly Father is abusive and cannot be trusted.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.\u201d (Nahum 1:7)<\/p>\n
III. CAUSES<\/p>\n
What kind of father could betray his own child? What kind of depravity would steal the innocence of anyone\u2019s childhood? \u201cMy father was a handsome, intelligent man. But there was another\u2014secret\u2014side to him.\u201d Marilyn\u2019s own words reveal the deceptiveness of sin. Evil isn\u2019t confined to the back alleys of life \u2026 it can live secretly in the heart of anyone! But it would be inadequate to blame such perverse behavior on \u201coriginal sin.\u201d There are common causes for abusive behavior, and usually the offender is unaware of what causes the act, much less the desire.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 4:19)<\/p>\n
A. What Is the Profile of a Perpetrator?<\/p>\n
The vast majority of abusers were themselves victims of abuse. This fact reveals that certain sins can be generational. That which is modeled before children is too often repeated years later. This does not excuse abuse. Regardless of how evil penetrates our lives, God eventually holds us all accountable for our behavior. But be assured, God\u2019s redemptive power can break any family stronghold. This general principle is seen in the Bible regarding a son (Amon) who succeeds his evil father as king.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe walked in all the ways of his father.\u201d
\n(2 Kings 21:21)<\/p>\n
TYPICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS<\/p>\n
Alcohol or drug abuse<\/p>\n
Background of abuse<\/p>\n
Unresolved anger<\/p>\n
Sexual addiction to pornography<\/p>\n
Emotional immaturity<\/p>\n
Rigid, religious background<\/p>\n
Stepfamilies and divorce<\/p>\n
B. Why Do They Abuse Children?<\/p>\n
Perpetrators are master manipulators of their own minds. They rationalize their perverted reasoning and justify their sexual advances. But the Bible says:<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 14:12)<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel like victims in desperate need to control someone.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They see their sexual actions as a solution to their problems.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They use children to bolster their sense of significance.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They use sex to feel loved.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They have difficulty forming healthy adult relationships.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They have difficulty communicating with their mate.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They rationalize and justify:<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cMy wife is cold and indifferent\u2014it\u2019s her fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cIt\u2019s my duty to provide sex education for her (the victim).\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI view sex as loving and gentle.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cIt\u2019s better for me to prepare her than someone else.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cIt is only play\u2014not intercourse.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI can\u2019t control my impulses.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI need something to relieve my stress.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cShe is seducing me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAll a man\u2019s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 16:2)<\/p>\n
C. What Is the Profile of a Victim?<\/p>\n
Abusers typically look for specific things in their potential victims that indicate susceptibility to being abused. In this sense, victims don\u2019t become victims by chance but by the choice of the victimizer.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe [the victimizer] lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent, watching in secret for his victims.\u201d
\n(Psalm 10:8)<\/p>\n
TYPICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF VICTIMS<\/p>\n
Vulnerable<\/p>\n
Insecure<\/p>\n
Compliant<\/p>\n
Trusting<\/p>\n
Intimidated<\/p>\n
Manipulated<\/p>\n
Suppressed<\/p>\n
D. Why Don\u2019t Children Tell?<\/p>\n
For a number of reasons, most abused children never share \u201cthe secret\u201d of their abuse. And when they do \u2026 it\u2019s usually many years later! They protect their perpetrators because:<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel guilty (false guilt), assuming the sexual encounter is their fault.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel love and loyalty for the abuser.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They fear the one they tell may respond with disbelief and denial, or horror and judgment.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel no need to tell because the trauma caused dissociation, resulting in no memory of abuse.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They fear the abuser\u2019s authority and power.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel threatened by the abuser.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They fear what will happen to the abuser.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel obligated to the abuser.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They feel no one cares because no one asks!<\/p>\n
\u201cThe heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 18:15)<\/p>\n
After an act of sexual abuse, the victimizer fears being found out. He seeks to shift the blame to the victim by unloading a truck full of guilt. This strategy is a perverted game.<\/p>\n
THE GUILT GAME<\/p>\n
Most games are fun, and most games require some level of strategy. In the case of child abuse, perpetrators use one of the most powerful strategies in existence\u2014guilt. In fact, most perpetrators possess an expertise at playing the guilt game \u2026 a game of deceit. For victims, this game is not fun\u2014it is evil.<\/p>\n
\u201cDeceit [is] in the hearts of those who plot evil.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 12:20)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, it will break my heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, Mother\u2019s feelings will be so hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, they won\u2019t let me see you again.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, Mommy won\u2019t understand and will leave us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, your mother will divorce me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, our family will be destroyed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, I\u2019ll tell them you wanted it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, I\u2019ll say you started it \u2026 it\u2019s your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, I won\u2019t love you any more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you share our secret, I\u2019ll kill you \u2026 I\u2019ll kill myself.\u201d<\/p>\n
E. What Is the Root Cause of Child Abuse?<\/p>\n
\u2022 The Abuser<\/p>\n
In order to understand the emotional makeup of a child abuser, be aware of everyone\u2019s three God-given inner needs for love, for significance and for security. Victims of child abuse develop such an overwhelming sense of insignificance and inferiority that they often repeat the abuse done to them in order to feel significant. As children, they had no control over their abuse. As adults, they abuse children in order to feel that they have control, a behavior that makes them feel significant. The feelings of being \u201cout of control\u201d as a child are substituted with new feelings of power.<\/p>\n
Wrong Belief: (Of the Abuser)<\/p>\n
\u201cHaving sex with a child meets my needs. I have the right to get my needs met, and this gives me a sense of power and significance and relieves the intense stress and anger I feel.\u201d<\/p>\n
Right Belief: (For the Abuser)<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t need to exert power over a child to get my needs met. My need for significance is already met because God chose to create me, and He has a plan and purpose for me. By giving Jesus control of my life, I see children as His precious creations and desire to protect every child at all costs.<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these \u2026 you did for me.\u2019 \u201d (Matthew 25:40)<\/p>\n
\u2022 The Abused<\/p>\n
Even small children have instincts regarding inappropriate behavior. A young child\u2019s great need for love and security is immensely threatened by fear of disapproval and rejection. Young sensitive hearts feel that \u201ckeeping the secret\u201d is the safest way to be loved and accepted.<\/p>\n
Wrong Belief: (Of the Abused)<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t stop what\u2019s going on, and I can\u2019t tell anyone\u2014I\u2019ve got to keep it a secret. God must really hate me because I\u2019m so bad. I know it\u2019s my fault, I am so dirty \u2026 I can never be clean again.\u201d<\/p>\n
Right Belief: (For the Abused)<\/p>\n
What is happening to me is bad, but God does not see me as bad. This abuse is not my fault. Telling the truth to someone I can trust is good in order to stop the bad so it won\u2019t happen again. Jesus loves all children, and He loves me. I\u2019m trusting in Him to make me clean and to take care of me.<\/p>\n
\u201cSurely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.\u201d (Psalm 51:6\u20137)<\/p>\n
IV. STEPS TO SOLUTION<\/p>\n
After graduating from high school in 1955, I enrolled at the University of Colorado. I went home for Christmas vacation, and one night I went into my parents\u2019 bedroom to say goodnight. My father pulled me down to him. I pushed away from him with such anger. That was the \u201cday child\u201d reacting, still without knowledge of the \u201cnight child.\u201d He never violated me again.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t until several years later that Marilyn remembered the abuse suffered by the night child. One word triggered a tremendous emotional response, bringing a flood of tears. This word surfaced her buried secret, and she began remembering events that had been blocked for years. The word was incest! Likewise, many victims have experienced a similar emotional block. But the Bible offers this promise to all who have suffered such a heartbreaking travesty:<\/p>\n
\u201cThe LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.\u201d
\n(Psalm 34:18)<\/p>\n
A. Key Verse to Memorize<\/p>\n
\u201cSurely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.\u201d
\n(Isaiah 12:2)<\/p>\n
B. Key Passage to Read and Reread<\/p>\n
Psalm 55<\/p>\n
MY PRAYER FOR DEVELOPING TRUST<\/p>\n
God, I appeal to You. v. 1<\/p>\n
I am troubled and distraught. v. 2<\/p>\n
I suffer at the voice and the stares of my victimizer. v. 3<\/p>\n
My heart is in anguish, and I am terrified. v. 4<\/p>\n
Fear and horror have overwhelmed me. v. 5<\/p>\n
How I long to escape far from the tempest and storm! vv. 6\u20138<\/p>\n
I see the violence and strife. v. 9<\/p>\n
I know the malice and abuse. v. 10<\/p>\n
I hear the threats and lies. v. 11<\/p>\n
I feel absolutely betrayed. vv. 12\u201314<\/p>\n
Deal with my betrayer as his evil demands. v. 15<\/p>\n
I call upon You, and You save me. v. 16<\/p>\n
I am distressed, and You hear me. v. 17<\/p>\n
I am opposed, and You ransom me. v. 18<\/p>\n
You know all about my abuser and will punish him. v. 19<\/p>\n
My betrayer attacks those close to him. v. 20<\/p>\n
He is a smooth talker whose words can\u2019t be trusted. v. 21<\/p>\n
I cast my cares on You, Lord, for You will sustain me. v. 22<\/p>\n
You won\u2019t let me fall. v. 22<\/p>\n
You will bring judgment upon my betrayer. v. 23<\/p>\n
I choose to put my trust in You!. v. 23<\/p>\n
C. Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts of Awareness<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be like an ostrich, hiding your head in the sands of denial. Although it is terribly hard to do, facing the truth that child abuse is taking place is the first step to healing.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 21:15)<\/p>\n
Do<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware \u2026 child abuse is illegal, a crime, and must be reported.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware \u2026 children are usually abused by people they know.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware \u2026 children seldom lie about abuse.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware \u2026 most often, physical abuse is violent, but sexual abuse may not be.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware \u2026 children may deny or change their stories because of fear.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware \u2026 sexual abuse is progressive and will get worse, if not stopped.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be in denial, no matter how difficult it is to believe.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Assume that if it happened only once, it is not serious.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Minimize the abuse.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Let the offender go without confrontation.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Blame other family members.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Keep abuse a \u201cfamily secret.\u201d<\/p>\n
D. What Do You Do?<\/p>\n
If You Suspect Child Abuse \u2026<\/p>\n
Seek the help of a professional who is trained to work with children.<\/p>\n
\u2022 To verify or to relieve your suspicions<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact a child advocacy program to discuss your concerns privately.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Consider having someone there do an evaluation of the child and make recommendations as to a course of action.<\/p>\n
\u2022 To further inform yourself (not in the presence of the child)<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact Child Protective Services.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact a Family Attorney.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact a shelter for women and children.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact a pastor or spiritual leader.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact the local police or a law enforcement agency.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Contact the local District Attorney\u2019s office.<\/p>\n
\u201cA wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength; for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 24:5\u20136)<\/p>\n
\u2022 If a Child Discloses Abuse \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 Stay calm.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Take time to sensitively answer any questions from the child.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be available to the child at all times.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Remain with the child\u2014leave the child only with another adult whom you and the child trust.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Respect the privacy of the child from those who have no need to know.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Make no promises you can\u2019t keep\u2014such as, \u201cYour mom won\u2019t be angry\u201d or \u201cHe won\u2019t get into trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 Explain that the law enforcement agencies must be informed and what will happen next.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be prepared to provide protection, arrange for a medical exam and obtain professional counseling.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe urge you \u2026 encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.\u201d
\n(1 Thessalonians 5:14)<\/p>\n
\u2022 If You See Questionable Marks on a Child\u2019s Body \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 Take the child to a pediatrician or the local hospital emergency room for immediate examination and documentation.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Relate why you suspect possible child abuse, and state that a child abuse case should be turned over to a caseworker.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Ask for a copy of the medical report in writing and for copies of photographs if they are taken. (An attorney can subpoena them.)<\/p>\n
\u2014Keep a paper trail of all contacts you make: calls, reports and photographs.<\/p>\n
\u2014 If a caseworker\u2019s file disappears, supply duplicates of your copies of photographs and reports.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Follow up with caseworkers on a regular basis, asking about the status of the case and how you can be of assistance.<\/p>\n
\u2014 If the local services are not responsive, keep appealing to higher authorities by contacting a state agency or federal agency.<\/p>\n
\u201cSubmit yourselves for the Lord\u2019s sake to every authority instituted among men \u2026 who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.\u201d
\n(1 Peter 2:13\u201314)<\/p>\n
E. Surface the Secret<\/p>\n
Victims of childhood sexual abuse are in bondage to \u201cthe secret.\u201d Revealing the truth is the only strategy for breaking the power of the secret. To open the hearts of victims, give them loving care and compassion that springs from the Spirit of God.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Pray for supernatural wisdom from God.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Provide a safe atmosphere.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask if the child is experiencing something uncomfortable or confusing.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Listen, reflect and observe carefully.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be cautious about asking \u201cleading questions.\u201d Let the authorities ask most of the questions to determine the truth.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Communicate that you believe the child.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Acknowledge that the offender is wrong.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Give assurance that the child is not to blame.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Confirm that \u201ctelling\u201d is the right thing to do.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Provide a safe atmosphere by displaying genuine love and compassion.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe purposes of a man\u2019s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 20:5)<\/p>\n
F. Protection Power<\/p>\n
Many children do not know they have permission to take action to protect themselves. They don\u2019t realize what is happening, and they become too frightened to react quickly. Since most children are taught to obey authority figures, they need to be empowered to protect themselves. The following statements can instill confidence and build assertiveness in a young heart and help the child to resist inappropriate sexual advances.<\/p>\n
Permission to Say NO!<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cGod loves you and made your body with a special plan and purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you are asked to do something you think is wrong, I expect you to say NO even to an older relative or friend of the family.\u201d (Role-play saying no in a firm assertive voice.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cYour body belongs to you, and you decide who touches it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cThe parts of your body covered by a bathing suit are private.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cNever allow anyone other than your doctor to touch your private parts, and then only for medical reasons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf someone tries to touch your private parts, scream and run to a safe place.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf someone touches your private parts and says that it\u2019s okay, they are wrong! You must tell me or someone you trust.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf a person does not stop touching you, say, \u2018I\u2019ll tell if you don\u2019t stop!\u2019 Then tell me or someone else when you are safe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf someone threatens you, do not be afraid, tell anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf you are asked to keep the touching a secret, tell anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cIf the person you tell does not believe you, keep telling no matter how embarrassed you feel \u2026 keep telling until someone believes you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cPray for a safe adult you can trust\u2014someone to help you who is not a member of your family.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf sinners entice you, do not give in to them.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 1:10)<\/p>\n
G. Should You Warn Parents?<\/p>\n
Many people feel uncomfortable being a \u201ctattletale\u201d \u2026 revealing the bad things others have done to them. However, if you know that a child abuser is about to be put in a position of authority over other children, be willing to share what you know\u2014even if your warning is dismissed. All responsible adults have a heart to protect children. Therefore, if you take action based on the Golden Rule you just may save a child\u2019s emotional life.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.\u201d
\n(Matthew 7:12)<\/p>\n
Q \u201cAs a child, I was sexually abused by an older relative. Now he is planning to marry a woman with young children. Should I express my concern?\u201d<\/p>\n
A Yes. First go to your relative and ask if he has dealt with the reasons he abused you. If you are not satisfied with his responses, express your heartfelt concern for the physical and emotional protection of these children. Explain your moral obligation to share your abusive experience with their mother. First ask the mother, \u201cAre you aware of the childhood sexual abuse in [relative\u2019s name] past?\u201d If the answer is no, then say, \u201cI feel morally obligated to share a painful memory with you.\u201d After you have briefly described what happened, communicate, \u201cIf he has not received adequate help through counseling to understand both his inappropriate thinking and behavior, and if he has not learned to honor appropriate boundaries with children, there is reason to have great concern for your children.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful.\u201d (Proverbs 14:25)<\/p>\n
H. Safe from the Storm<\/p>\n
Children who have experienced the trauma of sexual abuse need not only a physical haven of safety, but also an emotional haven for the wounded heart. Tell them about God\u2019s unconditional love and then be an example of His unconditional love. Help children run into the arms of Jesus to receive His emotional support and security.<\/p>\n
\u201c[Jesus] took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.\u201d
\n(Mark 10:16)<\/p>\n
Ask the child to repeat the following assurances every single day:<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cNothing can ever cause me to lose God\u2019s love.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.\u201d (Jeremiah 31:3)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cEven if someone in my family rejects me, God still accepts me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThough my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.\u201d (Psalm 27:10)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cI will tell God what I really feel, and He will understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.\u201d (1 Peter 5:7)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cWhen I come to God for help, He will heal my hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cO LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.\u201d (Psalm 30:2)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cI will let Jesus live in my heart, and I will be a brand new person.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!\u201d (2 Corinthians 5:17)<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cGod has a wonderful plan for my life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018For I know the plans I have for you,\u2019 declares the LORD, \u2018plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.\u2019 \u201d (Jeremiah 29:11)<\/p>\n
Example:<\/p>\n
Four teenage boys were torn from their families, separated from their homeland and forcibly abducted to another country where their captors controlled their every move\u2014even dictating what they ate and drank. Their names were changed; their futures determined. The four were forced to serve a ruthless man who gave no thought to their personal desires and dreams. At the height of their budding manliness, this self-centered man destroyed their sexuality and stole any hope of their ever fathering children\u2014he castrated them! In spite of the fact that they were sexually victimized, these God-fearing young men trusted the Lord with their very lives. Ultimately, their admirable faith caused their captors to respect and honor them. And in the end, God proved to Daniel and his three friends that He indeed was their true Provider and Protector. (Read the Book of Daniel.)<\/p>\n
THE POWER OF PLAY<\/p>\n
Most young children never tell anyone about their sexual violation. They usually fear punishment or simply don\u2019t understand what has happened to them. Observing children at play is a valuable method for detecting the truth when there is suspicion of mistreatment. These simple interactions with children are also effective ways to teach children skills for self-protection.<\/p>\n
Detection<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be highly observant if you discover sexualized play or behavior. Ask the child, \u201cWhere did you learn to do that?\u201d (Remember the child\u2019s exact words and record them later to give to authorities who work with abused children.) Do not ask for any more details.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be aware of any child who consistently appears sad or withdrawn. Ask the child, \u201cHas anything happened to you that you wish you could erase?\u201d \u2026 or \u201cDo you have a secret that makes you sad?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Warning\u2014Never suggest anything that \u201cmight have happened,\u201d or you could be accused of planting thoughts into the child\u2019s mind and thus jeopardize a victim receiving true justice.<\/p>\n
\u201cEven a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 20:11)<\/p>\n
Protection<\/p>\n
\u2022 Tell children it is right to forcefully state, \u201cStop!\u2014that\u2019s wrong!\u201d then scream, run and tell a trusted adult.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Practice appropriate responses to inappropriate advances.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Draw or dramatize safe places to run when being followed.<\/p>\n
\u201cDiscretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 2:11)<\/p>\n
DRAMATIZE BIBLE STORIES<\/p>\n
The Lost Sheep<\/p>\n
(Use for Detection.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Read Matthew 18:10\u201314 to the children.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Let the children act out the story. Play like Jesus, the Good Shepherd, is looking for one little lost lamb\u2014and the child is the lamb.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Explain that God loves them even when they hide and bad things are done to them.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask, \u201cHave any bad things happened to you that you have been afraid to talk about?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jesus Calms the Storm<\/p>\n
(Use for Detection.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Read Matthew 8:23\u201327 to the children.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Have the children act out the story by playing the disciples on a boat and Jesus calming the storm.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Explain that they should never be afraid to tell about scary things that happen to them because Jesus will calm all their fears.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask, \u201cWhat bad things could happen that would be hard to talk about?\u201d<\/p>\n
APPLY BIBLICAL TRUTHS<\/p>\n
The following illustrations should be used at the discretion of parents, taking into consideration the age and maturity of their children.<\/p>\n
Joseph<\/p>\n
(Use for Protection.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Read Genesis 39:2\u201312 to older children or teenagers.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Emphasize that Potiphar\u2019s wife tried to do something wrong to Joseph.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask \u201cWhat should you do if someone tries to do something wrong to you?\u201d Be like Joseph, say no, escape and run away.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Make up a similar situation for today and share or act out what you should do.<\/p>\n
Noah<\/p>\n
(Use for Protection.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Read Genesis 9:18\u201327 to older children or teenagers.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Share the story of Noah, who fell asleep unclothed.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask, \u201cWhat should you do if you saw someone without clothes?\u201d (Like two of Noah\u2019s sons, don\u2019t keep looking. Leave immediately and tell someone what happened.)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Talk about other situations that would not be good to watch.<\/p>\n
SOWING SEEDS OF SAFETY<\/p>\n
Wise parents, grandparents, teachers and others who work with children know the importance of early training for their personal safety. The best defense against sexual abuse is prevention. Tell children they have God-given worth. Your words will cultivate the soil of a young heart and sow seeds of safety, which will in turn produce self-confidence and self-protection.<\/p>\n
\u201cListen, my son, to your father\u2019s instruction and do not forsake your mother\u2019s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 1:8\u201310)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t wander around looking for your parents if you get separated from them in a public place. Go to a security guard, checkout counter or the lost and found and tell them you need help finding your parents.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t leave your yard or a playground without permission.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t accept a ride home or get into a car to go anywhere with anyone, even if it\u2019s someone you know, unless you have your parents\u2019 permission.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t go near anyone following you who is walking, or on a bicycle or in a car.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t go with anyone who asks for your help to look for a lost pet. (a common trick)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t go near the car of someone who asks for directions.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t go with people who tell you someone in your family is in trouble and they were sent to get you.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t keep special secrets with older people, and if someone asks you to keep something secret, tell your parents or another adult you can trust.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t let a stranger take your picture.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Don\u2019t hesitate to scream as loud as you can, \u201cHelp, this man\/woman is trying to take me\u201d or \u201cHelp, this is not my father\/mother.\u201d Scream and keep screaming.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 28:26)<\/p>\n
DISMANTLE THE DAMAGE<\/p>\n
For Survivors of Childhood Abuse<\/p>\n
Former Miss America, Marilyn Van Derber, had no memory of her father\u2019s incestuous relationship with her. Like many victims of trauma, she buried her painful memories under layers of disbelief and denial! Later, when her daughter reached the same age as when her abuse began, Marilyn began to experience anxiety attacks and chest pains. Seeing her young daughter at that age triggered memories of her past abuse. This experience is common for many incest survivors. Trust in God\u2019s timing. He knows when and how to bring truth to the surface and healing to a wounded heart.<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,\u2019 declares the LORD.\u201d
\n(Jeremiah 30:17)<\/p>\n
How to Deal with Denial<\/p>\n
\u2022 Desire complete honesty with yourself and with others.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Choose to believe the truth: you were not responsible for the abuse.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Through journaling each day, face the personal damage to your heart.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Identify any unresolved anger.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Allow yourself to grieve over your loss of innocence.<\/p>\n
\u201cTeach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth.\u201d
\n(Psalm 86:11)<\/p>\n
How to Have a Pure Heart<\/p>\n
\u2022 Acknowledge your desire to change.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Admit your excessive desire to be in control and your strategies for self-protection.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Recognize that living in fear and shame means that you are not fully trusting God.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Experience genuine sorrow over any known sin in your life.<\/p>\n
\u2022 See your need for the Savior, and rely on Him alone.<\/p>\n
\u201cI acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, \u2018I will confess my transgressions to the LORD\u2019\u2014and you forgave the guilt of my sin.\u201d
\n(Psalm 32:5)<\/p>\n
How to Grow in Your Love for Others<\/p>\n
\u2022 Desire to grow in the character of Christ.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Rely on Christ within you to do what you cannot do.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Choose to forgive your offender.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Reach out to others\u2014especially to those who are victims.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Choose to trust God with your future.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.\u201d
\n(1 John 4:18)<\/p>\n
Begin to walk each day in prayer and Bible study.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe love because he first loved us.\u201d
\n(1 John 4:19)<\/p>\n
The secret\u2014knowing the child won\u2019t tell\u2014is the perpetrator\u2019s most powerful weapon in child abuse. God\u2019s strategy for the protector is to surface the secret and thus enable the TRUTH to set the child FREE.
\n\u2014June Hunt<\/p>\n
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION\u00ae. NIV\u00ae.
\nCopyright \u00a9 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n
We acknowledge that mistakes could occur in the writing of any of our resources or an omission may be found in the many Scripture references and citations contained herein. Although the editors have sought to avoid all errors, some may have crept in or been overlooked, for which we take full responsibility. The considerate reader would render us a great service by calling our attention to any such error.<\/p>\n
The Biblical Counseling Keys should not be construed as a substitute for one-on-one, Christ-centered counseling when needed.<\/p>\n
To order CDs, tapes, resource books and additional Biblical Counseling Keys on Anger, Forgiveness, Guilt, Manipulation, Rejection, Self-Worth, Victimization and other related topics,
\ncontact HOPE FOR THE HEART P.O. Box 7 Dallas, TX 75221 or call toll-free 1-800-488-HOPE (4673).
\nPlease visit our website for License Agreement and Terms and Conditions.
\nwww.hopefortheheart.org<\/p>\n
All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this material may be reproduced in any form without written permission from Hope For The Heart.
\n\u00a9 1991\u20132008 HOPE FOR THE HEART<\/p>\n
@book{Hunt_2008,
\nplace={Dallas, TX},
\ntitle={Biblical Counseling Keys on Childhood Sexual Abuse: The Secret Storm},
\npublisher={Hope For The Heart},
\nauthor={Hunt, June},
\nyear={2008}}<\/p>\n
Exportiert aus Verbum, 14:47 18. Februar 2019.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I. DEFINITIONS Nothing penetrates the core of a child\u2019s inner being like sexual abuse. Its long tentacles reach deep within the child \u2026 wrapping around the young heart \u2026 choking and killing innocence and trust. For many, the terror is so overwhelming that no part of the child\u2019s soul is able to escape its evil … <\/p>\n