The day begins like any other day, but ends like no other\u2014for on this day, he gives full vent to his anger \u2026 and, as a result, finds himself running for his life.<\/p>\n
He is part of a mistreated minority\u2014grievously persecuted, not for doing something wrong, but for being perceived as a threat. Raised with \u201cprivilege\u201d in the palace of a king, he had been spared the heartless treatment inflicted on his kinsmen. But watching the injustice, day after day and year after year, finally becomes too much to bear. When he sees one of his own people suffering an inhumane beating at the hands of an Egyptian, Moses is filled with rage. He snaps. In an instant, he kills the Egyptian and hides the body in the sand. But his angry, impetuous act is not committed in secret. When news of the murder reaches Pharaoh, Moses fears for his life and flees. (See Exodus chapter 2.)<\/p>\n
When you look at the life of Moses, you can see both the power and the potential problems inherent in anger. Has anger ever clouded your judgment to the point that you acted rashly \u2026 and lived to regret it? Ultimately, you have the choice to act wisely or to react foolishly. In his lifetime, Moses did both. (And like him, you can learn to keep your anger under control\u2014you can learn how to act rather than react!)<\/p>\n
\u201cA fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 29:11)<\/p>\n
ANGER CUES<\/p>\n
In seeking to identify your anger cues, answer the following questions:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have decreased appetite?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you feel unusually hot or cold?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you find that you are breathing faster and harder?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have tense muscles?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have increased respiration?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you practice silence (shutting down verbally)?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you feel flushed?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you clench your fists?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you feel your heart racing, pounding?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you use language that is inappropriate, harsh, or coarse (sarcasm, gossip)?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you experience dry mouth?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you use loud, rapid, or high-pitched speech?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you experience stomach upset or churning?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you clench your teeth?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have twitches or anxious behaviors (tapping pencil, shaking foot, etc.)?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you walk hard and fast or pace back and forth?<\/p>\n
Once you have identified your anger cues, you will be in a position to quickly identify when you are angry and then direct your energies to produce a positive outcome.<\/p>\n
\u201cSee what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.\u201d
\n(2 Corinthians 7:11)<\/p>\n
B. Do You Act or React When You Are Angry?<\/p>\n
When you are angry, does reason rule the day or do tense emotions take over? Do you allow the mind of Christ within you to determine how best you should act, a choice that leads to appropriate action \u2026 or do you have a knee-jerk reaction that leads to inappropriate reaction? If you have never evaluated what happens when you feel angry or if you lack insight as to how others perceive you when you are angry, seek God\u2019s wisdom and understanding.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 2:3\u20136)<\/p>\n
\u2022 An appropriate action is expressing your thoughts and feelings with restraint, understanding, and concern for the other person\u2019s welfare.<\/p>\n
\u201cA man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.\u201d (Proverbs 17:27)<\/p>\n
\u2022 An inappropriate reaction is expressing your thoughts and feelings in such a way that stirs up anger in others so that it produces strife. Proverbs, the book on wisdom, paints this graphic picture \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cAs churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.\u201d (Proverbs 30:33)<\/p>\n
To help assess whether you act or react, take time to answer the following questions:<\/p>\n
ASK YOURSELF<\/p>\n
APPROPRIATE ACTIONS
\nINAPPROPRIATE REACTIONS
\n\u2022 Do you use tactful, compassionate words?
\n\u2022 Do you use tactless, condemning words?
\n\u2022 Do you try to see the other person\u2019s point of view?
\n\u2022 Do you see only your point of view?
\n\u2022 Do you want to help the one who angers you?
\n\u2022 Do you want to punish the one who angers you?
\n\u2022 Do you focus first on your own faults?
\n\u2022 Do you focus only on the faults of others?
\n\u2022 Do you have realistic expectations?
\n\u2022 Do you have unrealistic expectations?
\n\u2022 Do you have a flexible and cooperative attitude?
\n\u2022 Do you have a rigid and uncooperative attitude?
\n\u2022 Do you forgive personal injustices?
\n\u2022 Do you have difficulty forgiving injustices?<\/p>\n
Even though a situation may evoke anger, those who allow the Lord to be their strength will respond appropriately.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs God\u2019s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.\u201d
\n(Colossians 3:12)<\/p>\n
C. What Are Symptoms of Unresolved Anger?<\/p>\n
The emotion of anger is not a problem in itself, but anger becomes a problem when left unresolved. Prolonged anger fans the flame of bitterness and fuels unforgiveness. One way you can choose to harbor anger is by refusing to face your feelings in a healthy way. This unresolved anger not only creates a rift between you and God, but also damages your body, destroys your emotions, and demoralizes your relationships. Whether you recognize it or not, extended anger can cause significant physical, emotional, and spiritual problems. Jesus said,<\/p>\n
\u201cI tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.\u201d
\n(Matthew 5:22)<\/p>\n
Unresolved anger is known to produce in many people some of the following physical, emotional, and spiritual symptoms:<\/p>\n
\u2022 Physical Symptoms<\/p>\n
\u2014 High blood pressure<\/p>\n
\u2014 Heart disease<\/p>\n
\u2014 Stomach disorders<\/p>\n
\u2014 Intestinal disorders<\/p>\n
\u2014 Headaches<\/p>\n
\u2014 Blurred vision<\/p>\n
\u2014 Insomnia<\/p>\n
\u2014 Compulsive eating<\/p>\n
\u2022 Emotional Symptoms<\/p>\n
\u2014 Anxiety<\/p>\n
\u2014 Bitterness<\/p>\n
\u2014 Compulsions<\/p>\n
\u2014 Depression<\/p>\n
\u2014 Fear<\/p>\n
\u2014 Insecurity<\/p>\n
\u2014 Phobias<\/p>\n
\u2014 Worry<\/p>\n
\u2022 Spiritual Symptoms<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Perspective<\/p>\n
Allowing your emotions to distort your thinking<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Vision<\/p>\n
Losing a sense of purpose for your life<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Sensitivity<\/p>\n
Failing to hear the Spirit of God speaking to your heart<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Energy<\/p>\n
Lacking strength for your service to God and others<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Freedom<\/p>\n
Becoming a prisoner of your circumstances<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Confidence<\/p>\n
Feeling insecure about your response to difficulties<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Faith<\/p>\n
Failing to trust that God is working in your life<\/p>\n
\u2014 Loss of Identity<\/p>\n
Becoming like the person toward whom you are bitter<\/p>\n
Unresolved anger produces bitterness. And the Bible links bitterness with being in bondage to sin.<\/p>\n
\u201cI see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.\u201d
\n(Acts 8:23)<\/p>\n
D. Do You Have Hidden Anger?<\/p>\n
Many people live life unaware that they have hidden anger\u2014suppressed anger that only occasionally surfaces. While this hidden anger is usually rooted in past childhood hurts, the underlying effects are always ready to surface on the scene. For example, when someone says or does something wrong, the one with suppressed anger often overreacts. When someone makes an innocent mistake, the magnitude of anger is out of proportion to the mistake.<\/p>\n
If you have hidden anger, you can find yourself at one extreme or another\u2014from feeling hopeless to feeling hostile\u2014and yet be totally unaware of why you are experiencing these feelings. The Bible makes it clear that some of our motives and emotions are hidden from our own view.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.\u201d
\n(Psalm 19:12)<\/p>\n
CLUES TO FIND HIDDEN ANGER<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have irritability over trifles?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you smile on the outside, while you hurt on the inside?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you find your identity and worth in excessive work?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you deny ever being impatient?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have to have the last word?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do those close to you say that you blame others?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you feel emotionally flat?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you find yourself quickly fatigued?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you have a loss of interest in life?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Do you become easily frustrated?<\/p>\n
If you find that you have hidden anger, resolve to follow the Lord\u2019s directive to the Christians in Colosse:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.\u201d
\n(Colossians 3:8)<\/p>\n
III. CAUSES OF ANGER<\/p>\n
Imagine leading thousands of people through the desert. They look to you for both their physical and spiritual needs. While setting up camp at the base of a mountain, God calls you to climb the mountain and meet with Him because He plans to give you the Ten Commandments and other beneficial laws.<\/p>\n
As you meet with God, unbeknownst to you, the people that God has you leading turn their hearts away from Him, melt their gold, mold a golden calf, and then begin to worship it! Now, God interrupts your meeting to inform you that your people have turned against Him. Flushed with anger and fear, you rush down the mountain to intervene.<\/p>\n
Exodus 32:19 states, \u201cWhen Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain.\u201d<\/p>\n
Moses reacted because he was full of fear. He was afraid that God\u2019s righteous anger against his disobedient people would result in their destruction. He knew they needed to \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cWorship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our \u2018God is a consuming fire.\u2019 \u201d
\n(Hebrews 12:28\u201329)<\/p>\n
A. What Are the Four Sources of Anger?<\/p>\n
Throughout the world, unexpected fires can be started and fueled by one of four sources: seeping oil, seeping gas, molten lava, or coal bed methane (a flammable gas that can cause mining explosions). In a similar way, anger is typically started and fueled by one of four sources: hurt, injustice, fear, or frustration. With these roots, anger is a secondary response to one or more of these four sources. Probing into buried feelings from your past can be painful. Therefore, it can seem easier to stay angry than to uncover the cause, turn loose of your \u201crights,\u201d and grow in maturity. We must have perseverance because \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cPerseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.\u201d
\n(James 1:4)<\/p>\n
1. Hurt<\/p>\n
Your heart is wounded.<\/p>\n
Everyone has a God-given inner need for unconditional love. When you experience rejection or emotional pain of any kind, anger can become a protective wall that keeps people and pain away.<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL EXAMPLE: 12 Sons of Jacob<\/p>\n
Joseph was the undisputed favorite of the twelve sons of Jacob. Feeling hurt and rejected by their father, the older sons became angry and vindictive toward their younger brother!<\/p>\n
\u201cIsrael [Jacob] loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.\u201d (Genesis 37:3\u20134)<\/p>\n
2. Injustice<\/p>\n
Your right is violated.<\/p>\n
Everyone has an inner moral code that produces a sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair, just and unjust. When you perceive that an injustice has occurred against you or others (especially those whom you love), you may feel angry. If you hold on to the offense, the unresolved anger can begin to make a home in your heart.<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL EXAMPLE: King Saul<\/p>\n
King Saul\u2019s unjust treatment of David evoked Jonathan\u2019s anger. When Jonathan, son of Saul, heard his own father pronounce a death sentence on his dear friend David, he asked,<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018Why should he be put to death? What has he done?\u2019 Jonathan asked his father. But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him [Jonathan]. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David. Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the month he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father\u2019s shameful treatment of David\u201d (1 Samuel 20:32\u201334).<\/p>\n
3. Fear<\/p>\n
Your future is threatened.<\/p>\n
Everyone is created with a God-given inner need for security. When you begin to worry, feel threatened, or get angry because of a change in circumstances, you may be responding to fear. A fearful heart reveals a lack of trust in God\u2019s perfect plan for your life.<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL EXAMPLE: King Saul<\/p>\n
Saul became angry because of David\u2019s many successes on the battlefield. He was threatened by David\u2019s popularity and feared he would lose his kingdom. (Read 1 Samuel 18:5\u201315, 28\u201329.)<\/p>\n
\u201cSaul was very angry.\u2026 \u2018They have credited David with tens of thousands,\u2019 he thought, \u2018but me with only thousands.\u2019 \u2026 Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had left Saul.\u201d (1 Samuel 18:8, 12)<\/p>\n
4. Frustration<\/p>\n
Your performance is not accepted.<\/p>\n
Everyone has a God-given inner need for significance. When your efforts are thwarted or do not meet your own personal expectations, your sense of significance can be threatened. Frustration over unmet expectations of yourself or of others is a major source of anger.<\/p>\n
BIBLICAL EXAMPLE: Cain<\/p>\n
Both Cain and Abel brought offerings to God, but Cain\u2019s offering was clearly unacceptable. Cain had chosen to offer what he himself wanted to give rather than what God said was right and acceptable. When Cain\u2019s self-effort was rejected, his frustration led to anger, and his anger led to the murder of his own brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.\u2026 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, \u2018Let\u2019s go out to the field.\u2019 And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.\u201d (Genesis 4:3\u20135, 8)<\/p>\n
QUESTION: \u201cWhat does God want me to do about my inappropriate anger?\u201d<\/p>\n
ANSWER: God wants you to examine the true source of your anger. Is it hurt, injustice, fear, frustration, or a combination? Then evaluate whether you are using anger to try to get your inner needs for love, for significance, and for security met.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Hurt: Have you been hurt by rejection or someone\u2019s unkind words? If so, evaluate \u2026<\/p>\n
Are you using anger to intimidate or coerce someone into remaining in a relationship with you?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Injustice: Have you been the victim of a real or perceived injustice? If so, evaluate \u2026<\/p>\n
Are you using angry, accusatory words to cause someone to feel guilty and obligated to you?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Fear: Has something occurred that causes you to have fear? If so, evaluate \u2026<\/p>\n
Are you using anger to overpower and control someone in order to get your way?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Frustration: Do you feel a sense of frustration because of unmet expectations? If so, evaluate \u2026<\/p>\n
Are you using angry threats and shaming words to manipulate someone into meeting your demands?<\/p>\n
In searching your heart, decide that you will not use anger to try to get your needs met. Instead, repent and enter into a deeper dependence on the Lord to meet these God-given needs.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.\u201d (Isaiah 58:11)<\/p>\n
B. What Causes a Sudden Change in Intensity of Anger?<\/p>\n
Although a person\u2019s ways of expressing anger may change slightly over time, they seldom change dramatically. A dramatic change would be \u201catypical\u201d (not typical). When there is a major change, there is also a major cause. If someone is uncharacteristically impatient, irritable, or provoked, be aware that changes in mood and behavior can result from \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Drug abuse (steroids, cocaine)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Head injury (sports, fall, car accident)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Medications (certain antidepressants)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Chemical deficiencies (hormonal imbalances)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Certain illnesses or diseases (brain tumor, brain cancer)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Physical or emotional trauma or stress (post-traumatic stress disorder)<\/p>\n
Sudden changes of behavior warrant a close examination as to what could be a physical cause, especially in the brain.<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery prudent man acts out of knowledge, but a fool exposes his folly.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 13:16)<\/p>\n
C. How Do Expectations Lead to Anger?<\/p>\n
How easy to live under the illusion that we can determine what people should do or how situations should be decided. \u201cMy destiny should be this; therefore, people should do that.\u201d We pray and expect God to do everything we ask. The primary problem with all these expectations can center around the simple word pride. Ask the Lord, \u201cDo I act as though I am at the center of my world?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat causes fights and quarrels among you? Don\u2019t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don\u2019t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.\u2026 \u2018God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.\u2019 \u201d
\n(James 4:1\u20133, 6)<\/p>\n
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger over Circumstances<\/p>\n
\u201cI expected good things would always come my way \u2026 but life is clearly not what I\u2019d expected.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger toward Others<\/p>\n
\u201cI expected that you would always be here for me, to always support and love me \u2026 but now I\u2019m left alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger toward Yourself<\/p>\n
\u201cI expected to always excel \u2026 but now I am struggling and feel like a failure.\u201d<\/p>\n
The more we expect people to do what we want, the angrier we become when they fail us. The more we try to control others, the more control we give them over us. The more demands we put on others, the more power we give them to anger us. Instead, we need to humble ourselves and submit to God\u2019s sovereignty over our lives and over the lives of others. We need to leave our destiny in His hands\u2014where it rightly resides.<\/p>\n
The Bible says that we are to lay our expectations before the Lord and allow Him to determine what we should receive.<\/p>\n
\u201cFind rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.\u201d
\n(Psalm 62:5)<\/p>\n
QUESTION: \u201cHow can I handle my anger over the losses in my life?\u201d<\/p>\n
ANSWER: When you experience significant loss in your life, you will go through a time of grieving.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Admit your feelings\u2014your hurt or sense of injustice, your fear or frustration.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Release to God all the pain you feel, along with the situations that are beyond your control.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Trust God to give you the grace and insight to deal constructively with each loss.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Release your expectation that life must go your way.<\/p>\n
Pray, \u201cLord, thank You that You are sovereign over my life. Whatever it takes, I want to respond to You with a heart of gratitude and to accept these unchangeable circumstances in my life. I choose to stop making myself and those around me miserable for something none of us can change. Instead, I thank You for how You are going to use everything in my life for my good and for Christ\u2019s glory. In His holy name I pray. Amen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGive thanks in all circumstances, for this is God\u2019s will for you in Christ Jesus.\u201d (1 Thessalonians 5:18)<\/p>\n
D. What Is the Root Cause of Anger?<\/p>\n
When we feel that our real or perceived \u201crights\u201d have been violated, we can easily respond with anger. But what are our legitimate rights? One person would answer, \u201cHappiness.\u201d Another would say, \u201cFreedom to live life my way.\u201d Yet this was not the mind-set of Jesus. He yielded His rights to His heavenly Father. Based on the Bible, we have the right to live in the light of God\u2019s will as revealed in His Word. Other than that, we are to yield our rights to the Lord and let Him have His way in our hearts.<\/p>\n
\u201cTrust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 3:5\u20136)<\/p>\n
WRONG BELIEF:<\/p>\n
\u201cBased on what I believe is fair, I have the right to be angry about the disappointments in my life and to stay angry for as long as I feel like it. I have the right to express my anger in whatever way is natural for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
RIGHT BELIEF:<\/p>\n
\u201cSince the Lord is sovereign over me and I trust Him with my life, I have yielded my rights to Him. My human disappointments are now God\u2019s appointments to increase my faith and develop His character in me. I choose to not be controlled by anger, but to use anger to motivate me to do whatever God wants me to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIn this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith\u2014of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire\u2014may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.\u201d (1 Peter 1:6\u20137)<\/p>\n
IV. STEPS TO SOLUTION<\/p>\n
On that hot, dry day, Moses\u2019 frustration reached a sizzling point. He had led more than a million of his people through the vast desert. But for all his efforts, they continually complained, questioned his leadership, and blamed him for their plight: \u201cIf only we had died when our brothers fell dead \u2026! Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place?\u201d (Numbers 20:3\u20135).<\/p>\n
Now once again, they had no water. Earlier in their journey, God had miraculously provided water by instructing Moses to strike a particular rock with his staff. When Moses obeyed, a stream of water\u2014enough for all Israel\u2014poured out of the rock. (See Exodus 17:1\u20136.)<\/p>\n
At this point, God intended to perform a similar miracle, but this time He told Moses to simply speak to, not strike, a particular rock. However, Moses was so frustrated that his anger boiled over the edge. Rather than speaking to the rock, he forcefully struck the rock \u2026 twice. Gushing water is what God intended\u2014gushing anger is not what God intended. As a result, God disciplined His chosen leader by not allowing him to lead His chosen people into the Promised Land. (See Numbers 20:1\u201312.)<\/p>\n
At times, are you like Moses? Do you sometimes allow your frustration to make you furious? Then later, you receive a painful repercussion? Whether you are filled with hurt, a sense of injustice, fear, or frustration, what should you do when you get angry? The Bible says,<\/p>\n
\u201cRefrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret\u2014it leads only to evil.\u201d
\n(Psalm 37:8)<\/p>\n
A. Key Verses to Memorize<\/p>\n
\u201cEveryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man\u2019s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.\u201d
\n(James 1:19\u201320)<\/p>\n
B. Key Passage to Read and Reread<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018In your anger do not sin\u2019: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.\u2026 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.\u201d
\n(Ephesians 4:26\u201327, 29\u201332)<\/p>\n
GOD\u2019S ANALYSIS OF ANGER
\n\u2022 Anger is appropriate at certain times. v. 26
\n\u2022 Anger must be resolved, or it becomes sinful. v. 26
\n\u2022 Anger can be curtailed. v. 26
\n\u2022 Anger, if prolonged, gives ground to Satan. v. 27
\n\u2022 Anger can lead to corrupt, unwholesome, degrading talk. v. 29
\n\u2022 Anger can grieve the Holy Spirit. v. 30
\n\u2022 Anger can be totally cancelled. v. 31
\n\u2022 Anger becomes sin when it results in bitterness. v. 31
\n\u2022 Anger must be eradicated before it turns into rage. v. 31
\n\u2022 Anger must be forfeited before it leads to fighting. v. 31
\n\u2022 Anger must be stopped before it becomes slander. v. 31
\n\u2022 Anger must be mastered before it becomes malicious. v. 31
\n\u2022 Anger can be conquered through compassion. v. 32
\n\u2022 Anger can be defeated through forgiveness. v. 32<\/p>\n
C. Analyze the Amount of Your Anger<\/p>\n
Have you seriously thought about how much anger you are holding inside your heart and toward whom you feel angry? Below is a pie-shaped outline. Divide the pie into segments and put a name inside each segment to represent the amount of anger you feel toward the different people in your life (past or present). We\u2019ve done a sample \u201cAnger Pie\u201d for you on the next page.<\/p>\n
As you think about your own anger, consider what the Bible says,<\/p>\n
\u201cMan\u2019s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.\u201d
\n(James 1:20)<\/p>\n
D. Are You Harboring Anger toward God?<\/p>\n
Problems, pain, and perplexities\u2014you can\u2019t escape them! But \u2026 do you blame God for the pain and heartache in your life? Have you pointed a condemning finger and pronounced judgment on Him because He has not stopped evil or suffering? In the Bible, a man named Job had serious questions for God. In fact, we see the anger in his bitter complaint \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cEven today my complaint is bitter; his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning. If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling! I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments.\u201d
\n(Job 23:2\u20134)<\/p>\n
Is anger toward God justifiable? God answers Job with these words \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cWho is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?\u2026 Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?\u2026 Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?\u201d
\n(Job 38:2; 40:2, 8)<\/p>\n
What is the answer to such intense anger against God? Can it be resolved? And if so, how?<\/p>\n
RESOLVING ANGER TOWARD GOD<\/p>\n
\u2022 Know God\u2019s Character.<\/p>\n
\u2014 He is just.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.\u201d (Deuteronomy 32:4)<\/p>\n
\u2014 His ways are just.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust and true are your ways, King of the ages.\u201d (Revelation 15:3)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He is love.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod is love.\u201d (1 John 4:8)<\/p>\n
\u2014 His love is directed toward all people.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod so loved the world.\u201d (John 3:16)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Grasp God\u2019s Purposes.<\/p>\n
\u2014 He brings good out of evil.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.\u201d (Romans 8:28)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He turns crying into dancing and sorrow into joy.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.\u201d (Psalm 30:11)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He uses sufferings to produce perseverance, character, and hope.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.\u201d (Romans 5:3\u20135)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He uses our troubles to teach us compassion.<\/p>\n
\u201cPraise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.\u201d (2 Corinthians 1:3\u20134)<\/p>\n
\u2022 See God\u2019s Plan.<\/p>\n
\u2014 He offers salvation to all.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.\u201d (John 3:17)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He will bless those who persevere under trial.<\/p>\n
\u201cBlessed is the man who perseveres under trial.\u201d (James 1:12)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He will bring His righteous judgment on those who are evil.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.\u201d (Romans 2:8\u20139)<\/p>\n
\u2014 He will one day make everything new for His true believers.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.\u201d (Revelation 21:3\u20134)<\/p>\n
Job, who at one time had bitterness toward God, ultimately realized that he had misplaced anger. With deepest remorse, he admitted his wrong \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cI know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.\u2026 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.\u201d
\n(Job 42:2, 5\u20136)<\/p>\n
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW BOTH HOW TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER \u2026 AND GOD\u2019S PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE?<\/p>\n
No one wants to be thought of as \u201cout-of-control.\u201d No one wants to live with anger that is out of control. Yet, so often, someone will say, \u201cI\u2019ve really tried to confront my anger, but for some reason, I just can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
If that someone is you, it could be that the Lord is saying, \u201cI know you can\u2019t but I can. I can give you the control you need\u2014I will give you my supernatural power\u2014but first give Me control of your life. Then I will change you inside out.\u201d<\/p>\n
Do you need a real change in your life? If so, there are four truths you need to know in order to have a changed life.<\/p>\n
1. God\u2019s Purpose for You \u2026 is Salvation.<\/p>\n
\u2014 What was God\u2019s motive in sending Christ to earth? To condemn you? No \u2026 to express His love for you by saving you!<\/p>\n
\u201cGod so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.\u201d (John 3:16\u201317)<\/p>\n
\u2014 What was Jesus\u2019 purpose in coming to earth? To make everything perfect and to remove all sin? No \u2026 to forgive your sins, empower you to have victory over sin, and enable you to live a fulfilled life!<\/p>\n
\u201cI [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.\u201d (John 10:10)<\/p>\n
2. Your Problem \u2026 is Sin.<\/p>\n
\u2014 What exactly is sin? Sin is living independently of God\u2019s standard\u2014knowing what is right, but choosing wrong.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn\u2019t do it, sins.\u201d (James 4:17)<\/p>\n
\u2014 What is the major consequence of sin? Spiritual death, spiritual separation from God.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.\u201d (Romans 6:23)<\/p>\n
3. God\u2019s Provision for You \u2026 is the Savior.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Can anything remove the penalty for sin? Yes. Jesus died on the cross to personally pay the penalty for your sins.<\/p>\n
\u201cGod demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.\u201d (Romans 5:8)<\/p>\n
\u2014 What is the solution to being separated from God? Belief in Jesus Christ as the only way to God the Father.<\/p>\n
\u201cJesus answered, \u2018I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.\u2019 \u201d (John 14:6)<\/p>\n
4. Your Part \u2026 is Surrender.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Place your faith in (rely on) Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and reject your \u201cgood works\u201d as a means of gaining God\u2019s approval.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is by grace you have been saved, through faith\u2014and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God\u2014not by works, so that no one can boast.\u201d (Ephesians 2:8\u20139)<\/p>\n
\u2014 Give Christ control of your life, entrusting yourself to Him.<\/p>\n
\u201cJesus said to his disciples, \u2018If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet and forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?\u2019 \u201d (Matthew 16:24\u201326)<\/p>\n
If you desire to be fully forgiven by God\u2014in order to have a changed mind, a changed heart, and a changed life, you can ask Jesus Christ to come into your life right now and give you His peace and His power.<\/p>\n
PRAYER OF SALVATION<\/p>\n
\u201cGod, I admit I had misplaced anger toward You. I\u2019ve sinned by elevating myself, hanging on to \u2018my rights.\u2019 Now I repent and yield my rights to You. Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross for my sins to take the punishment I should have carried. I\u2019m asking You now to come into my life to be my Lord and Savior and to forgive me of all of my sins. I give You control of my life. Make me the person You created me to be. Thank You for Your mercy and Your grace.
\nIn Your holy name I pray. Amen.\u201d<\/p>\n
If you sincerely prayed this prayer, listen to what God says!<\/p>\n
\u201cHis divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.\u201d
\n(2 Peter 1:3)<\/p>\n
E. Resolve Past Anger<\/p>\n
Unresolved anger is a bed of hidden coals burning deep wounds into your relationship with God and with others. This powerful emotion robs your heart of peace and steals contentment from your spirit.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.\u201d
\n(Psalm 73:21\u201322)<\/p>\n
RESOLVING PAST ANGER<\/p>\n
\u2022 Realize Your Burning Anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Willingly admit that you have unresolved anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Ask God to reveal any buried anger in your heart.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Seek to determine the primary reason(s) for your past anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Talk out your anger with God and with a friend or counselor.<\/p>\n
\u201cI confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin.\u201d (Psalm 38:18)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Revisit Your Root Feelings.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Did you feel hurt (rejected, betrayed, unloved, ignored)?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Did you experience injustice (cheated, wronged, maligned, attacked)?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Did you feel fearful (threatened, insecure, out-of-control, powerless)?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Did you feel frustrated (inadequate, inferior, hindered, controlled)?<\/p>\n
\u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.\u201d (Psalm 139:23\u201324)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Receive God\u2019s Love.<\/p>\n
Meditate on and memorize Scripture revealing God\u2019s love for you:
\nJeremiah 31:3
\nPsalm 32:10
\nLamentations 3:22\u201323
\nPsalm 89:1
\nPsalm 13:5\u20136
\nPsalm 103:17<\/p>\n
\u2014 Read five psalms daily for one month.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Rest in the acceptance of God, not in the acceptance of others.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Rely on the Lord to meet your inner needs for love, for significance, and for security.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!\u201d (1 John 3:1)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Release Your Rights.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Confess that harboring anger in your heart is sin.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Give your desire for revenge to God.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Refuse to hold on to your past hurts by releasing them to God.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Pray for God to work in the life of the one who has wronged you and to change your heart toward that person.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Release the one who hurt you into the hands of God\u2014forgive as God forgave you!<\/p>\n
\u201cBear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.\u201d (Colossians 3:13)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Rejoice in God\u2019s Purpose.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Thank God for the ways He will use this trial in your life.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Know that God can use your resolved past anger for your good and for the good of those around you.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Praise God for His commitment to use all the circumstances in your life to develop Christ\u2019s character within you, making you strong, firm, and steadfast.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.\u201d (1 Peter 5:10)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Restore the Relationship \u2026 When Appropriate.<\/p>\n
Even if reconciliation is not appropriate (after adultery or with an unrepentant abuser) or not possible (after a death), you must always confess your own sin.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Realize that when someone sins against you and you hold on to anger and refuse to be reconciled to the person, you are sinning against both God and that individual.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Confess the anger in your heart to God and ask the person to forgive you for refusing to be reconciled.<\/p>\n
\u2014Write out the confession first to get the wording correct:
\n\u201cI realize I\u2019ve been wrong in holding on to my anger against you and refusing to allow God to restore our relationship. I\u2019m deeply sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be sure the encounter is free of anger and accusatory statements.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have heard that it was said to the people long ago, \u2018Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.\u2019 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.\u2026 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.\u201d (Matthew 5:21\u201324)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Reflect Christ\u2019s Love.<\/p>\n
Actively seek to reflect the love of God toward the person who hurt you.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Pray in your heart \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cLord, help me to submit to Your control.\u201d
\n\u201cLord, I want Your mind to direct my mind.\u201d
\n\u201cLord, reflect Your attitudes in my actions.\u201d
\n\u201cLord, guide my words to express Your love.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.\u201d (John 13:34\u201335)<\/p>\n
F. Root Out Childhood Anger<\/p>\n
Many of us assume that once we reach adulthood, our pain from childhood will just disappear and no longer affect us. But this disappearing act does not happen unless we identify our past pains from childhood and resolve them. While we are not the sum of our experiences, we are shaped by our responses to our experiences. God does not want us to store the bad things that happened to us by stockpiling our anger. Rather, He wants us to be like a storehouse where we get rid of the bad fruit and store up the good fruit.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.\u201d
\n(Matthew 12:35)<\/p>\n
RESOLVING ANGER ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD HURTS<\/p>\n
The next time anger wells up in your heart or uncontrollable tears stream down your face, ask yourself \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Am I feeling hurt?<\/p>\n
Example: My ideas have not been accepted.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Did I ever have these same feelings when I was a child?<\/p>\n
Example: When my father was not proud of me because I wasn\u2019t a good athlete, I felt hurt.<\/p>\n
\u2022 How did I feel when my father made it known that he wanted a son who was athletic?<\/p>\n
Example: I felt a deep sense of rejection.<\/p>\n
Face the anger that is still in your heart because of the hurt you experienced by feeling rejected by your father.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask God to reveal buried hurts from your childhood.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask family members and close friends to notice what situations seem to hurt you and make you angry.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Acknowledge that your prolonged, unresolved anger is wrong, even if you think it is justified.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Take personal responsibility to overcome your childhood hurts.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Surrender your hurtful childhood experiences and feelings to God.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask forgiveness from those whom you have offended.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Forgive and pray for those who have rejected you.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Pray for God to fill you with His unconditional love for others.<\/p>\n
If your heart yearns for love and acceptance, remember \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cPraise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!\u201d (Psalm 66:20)<\/p>\n
\u201cMany are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD\u2019s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.\u201d (Psalm 32:10)<\/p>\n
\u201cHow priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.\u201d (Psalm 36:7)<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.\u201d (1 John 4:9\u201310)<\/p>\n
RESOLVING ANGER ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD INJUSTICE<\/p>\n
The next time you feel the surge of anger, ask yourself \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Am I feeling a sense of injustice?<\/p>\n
Example: My close friend was mistreated and ignored.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Did I ever have these same feelings in my childhood?<\/p>\n
Example: Yes, my parents favored my brother; meanwhile, I was ignored.<\/p>\n
\u2022 How did I feel when my parents treated me this way?<\/p>\n
Example: I felt angry toward my parents and concluded, Life is not fair.<\/p>\n
Face your anger from the past and begin to see how your present anger is connected to your unresolved childhood anger.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask God to reveal all unresolved feelings over the injustices you experienced as a child.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask your close family members and friends how they know when you are angry.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Acknowledge that your feelings of injustice may be directed at God.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Take personal responsibility for your feelings of anger.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Release your anger to God and replace the anger with God\u2019s peace.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask forgiveness from anyone you have offended by your anger.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Forgive and pray for those who have been unjust toward you.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Meditate on how God can use your awareness of injustices committed against you for good.<\/p>\n
If your anger is rooted in unjust treatment, remember \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cThe LORD is known by his justice.\u201d (Psalm 9:16)<\/p>\n
\u201cWill not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?\u201d (Luke 18:7)<\/p>\n
\u201cGod is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well.\u201d (2 Thessalonians 1:6\u20137)<\/p>\n
\u201cHe will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.\u201d (Psalm 37:6)<\/p>\n
RESOLVING ANGER ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD FEAR<\/p>\n
The next time you feel threatened or get angry over a change in circumstances, ask yourself \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Am I feeling fear about my future?<\/p>\n
Example: I\u2019ve lost my job, and I don\u2019t know how I will support my family.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Did I ever have these same feelings in my childhood?<\/p>\n
Example: When my parents died and I was sent to be raised by my grandmother, I felt fear.<\/p>\n
\u2022 How did I feel about not being raised by my parents?<\/p>\n
Example: I felt angry because everybody else had a mother and father to protect them and to provide for their future.<\/p>\n
Face your anger at God for taking your parents and leaving you with the fear of an uncertain future.<\/p>\n
\u2022 If you have difficulty recalling your childhood feelings of fear, ask God to bring those memories to your mind.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask your current family and good friends if they have noticed times when you have expressed distress or feelings of insecurity.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be completely honest with yourself and ask God to reveal where your security lies.\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 Is it in financial wealth?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Is it in close family ties?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Is it in a good education?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Is it in your accomplishments?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Is it in what others say about you?<\/p>\n
\u2022 Acknowledge that placing your trust in anything other than God produces anger at Him when your security idols fail.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask His forgiveness for your failure to trust Him.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Learn to place your trust only in the Lord for your security.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Memorize Scriptures that reassure you of God\u2019s faithfulness.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Begin developing a grateful heart for all that the Lord has provided, thanking Him daily for His generous gifts.<\/p>\n
If your heart yearns for security, remember \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cHe will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.\u201d (Psalm 112:7\u20138)<\/p>\n
\u201cDo not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.\u201d (Isaiah 41:10)<\/p>\n
\u201cThe LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.\u201d (Proverbs 3:26)<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.\u201d (Romans 8:15)<\/p>\n
RESOLVING ANGER ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD FRUSTRATION<\/p>\n
The next time you feel anger when your personal efforts are not accepted, ask yourself \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Am I feeling frustrated?<\/p>\n
Example: My associate made negative remarks about my speech at our business luncheon.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Did I ever have these same feelings in my childhood?<\/p>\n
Example: When my parents expected me to behave perfectly and not express my true feelings, I felt frustrated.<\/p>\n
\u2022 How did I feel when my parents had these expectations?<\/p>\n
Example: I felt that I was not acceptable to them because my performance was not always acceptable.<\/p>\n
Face your frustration and realize that not measuring up to your own or someone else\u2019s standards indicates performance-based acceptance and can be a major source of anger.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask God to reveal the buried anger you have toward your parents or others in your past who accepted you on the basis of your performance.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask yourself \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cDo I set unrealistic standards for myself?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cDo I tend to stuff my anger?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cDo I need to control people and circumstances?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cAm I a caretaker?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cAm I a perfectionist?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cAm I a procrastinator?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cAm I a people pleaser?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cAm I a workaholic?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask your family and close friends how they know when you are frustrated.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Understand that frustration is only a nice-sounding word for the anger that deeply damages your self-worth and sense of significance.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Understand that it takes concentrated commitment and great effort to uncover deeply buried frustrations.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Realize that you can never earn God\u2019s love, but that He loves you unconditionally.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Allow yourself to feel your anger and ask God for courage to express your anger in acceptable ways.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Release your anger to God and claim the sufficiency of His love to affirm your value.<\/p>\n
If you feel a sense of frustration with life, remember \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cTo do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.\u201d (Proverbs 21:3)<\/p>\n
\u201cAm I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.\u201d (Galatians 1:10)<\/p>\n
\u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.\u201d (Psalm 139:23\u201324)<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause of the LORD\u2019s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.\u201d (Lamentations 3:22\u201323)<\/p>\n
G. Release Present Anger<\/p>\n
The possibility of anger remains ever present. A spark of irritation can be ignited intentionally by hurtful people or even unintentionally by those who love you. God intends that you seek His answer for anger quickly before it singes your heart and burns the bridges of your relationships.<\/p>\n
\u201cBe self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.\u201d
\n(1 Peter 5:8)<\/p>\n
QUICK ANSWER TO ANGER<\/p>\n
\u2022 Ask, \u201cCan I change this situation?\u201d (If the door squeaks, oil it!)<\/p>\n
\u2014 If you can, change it.<\/p>\n
\u2014 If you can\u2019t, release it.<\/p>\n
PRAY \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cLord, You are sovereign over my life. Sine You know everything, You know I feel a strong sense of (hurt, injustice, fear, or frustration) about (name the person or the situation). I release this situation into Your hands. I trust You with my future and with me.
\nIn Your holy name I pray. Amen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.\u201d
\n(Psalm 143:8)<\/p>\n
\u201cAnger is one letter short of danger.\u201d This saying is more than a catchy phrase; these words reflect the painful truth. And because too many times the tongue has not been tamed, conversations have escalated out of control.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Acknowledge Your Anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be willing to admit you do have anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be aware of when you feel anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Become aware of suppressing or repressing your anger because of fear.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be willing to take responsibility for any inappropriate anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.\u201d (Proverbs 28:13)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Analyze Your Style.<\/p>\n
\u2014 How often do you feel angry? (Often? Sometimes? Never?)<\/p>\n
\u2014 How do you know when you are angry?<\/p>\n
\u2014 How do others know when you are angry?<\/p>\n
\u2014 How do you release your anger?<\/p>\n
Do you explode? Do you become teary-eyed? Do you joke or tease? Do you become sarcastic? Do you criticize? Do you become defensive?<\/p>\n
\u201cTest me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.\u201d (Psalm 26:2)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Assess the Source.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Hurt:
\nIs the source of your anger hurt feelings from the words or actions of others?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Injustice:
\nIs the source of your anger an emotional response to the unjust actions of someone toward another person?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Fear:
\nIs the source of your anger a feeling of loss or fear?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Frustration:
\nIs the source of your anger frustration because something didn\u2019t go as you planned?<\/p>\n
\u201cI know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.\u201d (1 Chronicles 29:17)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Appraise Your Thinking.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Are you expecting others to meet your standards?<\/p>\n
\u201cShe should take better care of her children.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe ought to notice what I do for him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe must be here before 7:00 p.m.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019d better not call during dinner!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 Are you guilty of distorted thinking?<\/p>\n
Exaggerating the situation<\/p>\n
Assuming the worst<\/p>\n
Labeling one action based on other actions<\/p>\n
Generalizing by saying, \u201cyou never\u201d or \u201cyou always\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA wicked man puts up a bold front, but an upright man gives thought to his ways.\u201d (Proverbs 21:29)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Admit Your Needs.<\/p>\n
Anger is often used as a tactic to get inner needs met.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Do you use anger as a manipulative ploy to demand certain \u201cmusts\u201d in an attempt to feel loved?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Do you use explosive anger to get your way in an attempt to feel significant?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Do you use controlling anger, insisting on certain conditions in order to feel secure?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Do you know that only Christ can ultimately meet all these needs?<\/p>\n
\u201cMy God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.\u201d (Philippians 4:19)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Abandon Your Demands.<\/p>\n
Instead of demanding that others meet your inner needs for love, for significance, and for security, learn to look to the Lord to meet your needs.<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cLord, though I would like to feel more love from others, I know that You love me unconditionally.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.\u201d (Jeremiah 31:3)<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cLord, though I would like to feel more significant to those around me, I know that I am significant in Your eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018For I know the plans I have for you,\u2019 declares the LORD, \u2018plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.\u2019 \u201d (Jeremiah 29:11)<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cLord, though I wish I felt more secure in my relationships, I know I am secure in my relationship with You.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?\u201d (Psalm 118:6)<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cLord, though I wish others would be more responsive to my needs, I know that You have promised to meet all my needs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHis divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.\u201d (2 Peter 1:3)<\/p>\n
\u2022 Alter Your Attitudes.<\/p>\n
Take the following steps as outlined in Philippians 2:2\u20138.<\/p>\n
\u201cMake my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death\u2014even death on a cross!\u201d (Philippians 2:2\u20138)<\/p>\n
\u2014 Have the goal to be like-minded with Christ. v. 2<\/p>\n
\u2014 Do not think of yourself first. v. 3<\/p>\n
\u2014 Give the other person preferential treatment. v. 3<\/p>\n
\u2014 Consider the other person\u2019s interests. v. 4<\/p>\n
\u2014 Have the attitude of Jesus Christ. v. 5<\/p>\n
\u2014 Do not emphasize your position or rights. v. 6<\/p>\n
\u2014 Look for ways to serve with a servant\u2019s heart. v. 7<\/p>\n
\u2014 Speak and act with a humble spirit. v. 8<\/p>\n
\u2014 Be willing to die to your own desires. v. 8<\/p>\n
\u2022 Address Your Anger.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Determine whether your anger is really justified.<\/p>\n
\u201cA wicked man puts up a bold front, but an upright man gives thought to his ways.\u201d (Proverbs 21:29)<\/p>\n
\u2014 Decide on the appropriate response.<\/p>\n
\u201c[There is] a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.\u201d (Ecclesiastes 3:7)
\na. How important is the issue?
\nb. Would a good purpose be served if I mention it?
\nc. Should I acknowledge my anger only to the Lord?<\/p>\n
\u2014 Depend on the Holy Spirit for guidance.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.\u201d (John 16:13)<\/p>\n
\u2014 Develop constructive dialogue when you confront.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.\u201d (Colossians 4:6)<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t speak from a heart of unforgiveness.
\nDo \u2026 Think before you speak.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t use phrases such as: \u201cHow could you?\u201d or \u201cWhy can\u2019t you?\u201d
\nDo \u2026 Use personal statements such as \u201cI feel.\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t bring up past grievances.
\nDo \u2026 Stay focused on the present issue.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t assume that the other person is wrong.
\nDo \u2026 Listen for feedback from another point of view.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t expect instant understanding.
\nDo \u2026 Be patient and keep responding with gentleness.<\/p>\n
\u201cThrough patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.\u201d (Proverbs 25:15)<\/p>\n
\u2014 Demonstrate the grace of God, by saying to yourself \u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cI placed my anger on the cross with Christ.\u201d
\n\u201cI am no longer controlled by anger.\u201d
\n\u201cI am alive with Christ living inside me.\u201d
\n\u201cI will let Christ forgive through me.\u201d
\n\u201cI will let Christ love through me.\u201d
\n\u201cI will let Christ reveal truth through me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.\u201d (Galatians 2:20)<\/p>\n
H. How Should I Convey My Anger to Someone?<\/p>\n
Before communicating your anger toward someone, take time to evaluate if addressing your anger is needful, appropriate, and if you think it will prove beneficial. Some people simply do not know how to handle anger directed toward them and either become hostile and defensive or weak and placating. Either way, nothing gets resolved. If you want merely to vent your feelings, then pour out your heart to God and or to another person, but not to the person with whom you are angry. Should you decide to arrange a meeting, there are some things you will need to do in preparation.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Examine your motivation.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Be realistic in your expectations.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Know what you want to accomplish.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Assess the legitimacy of your request.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Rehearse how you will approach the subject.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anticipate possible reactions from the other person.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Think through how you might respond to those reactions.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Decide if you are willing to live with any negative repercussions.<\/p>\n
\u2022 If you are uncertain what to do, talk with a wise and trusted individual.<\/p>\n
In choosing a time and place to talk \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Select a time and place that is convenient for both of you and will provide an atmosphere conducive for listening and sharing.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Meet on \u201cneutral turf\u201d so that both of you are likely to feel equal in power and importance.<\/p>\n
I. Answer Practical Questions for Overcoming Present Anger<\/p>\n
It will prove helpful to stop and ask yourself some thought-provoking questions each time you experience anger. Analyzing what is going on \u201cbehind the scenes\u201d can help move you from subjectivity to objectivity, from being controlled by your anger to benefiting from your anger. As you practice patience and utilize understanding, you will be in a perfect position to use your anger for God\u2019s purposes and prevent it from leading you into sin.<\/p>\n
\u201cA patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 14:29)<\/p>\n
\u2022 What triggered my anger?<\/p>\n
\u2022 How am I expressing my anger?<\/p>\n
\u2022 What are the true inner desires motivating my anger?<\/p>\n
\u2022 What is my view of God in the midst of this anger-producing situation?<\/p>\n
\u2022 How should I respond to God and others in the midst of this situation?<\/p>\n
\u2022 What can I learn from this experience that will help me to handle my anger better in the future?<\/p>\n
\u201cBetter a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.\u201d
\n(Proverbs 16:32)<\/p>\n
J. Questions and Answers about Anger<\/p>\n
As you learn to act, rather than react, and thereby allow God to use your anger to accomplish His purposes, you will be in a position to offer hope for change to others. The questions below will help prepare you to give biblical answers to those who live in bondage to anger and who come to you for help and hope.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.\u201d
\n(1 Peter 3:15)<\/p>\n
QUESTION: \u201cWhat should I do when I feel my anger getting out of control?\u201d<\/p>\n
ANSWER: Whenever you feel that reason and self-control are giving way to irrational and unbridled behavior, put on the brakes and call a truce in order to take time out. The direction of the conversation will not change but will continue to escalate unless you do something to intervene in the process.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Stop and take a deep breath.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Hold up your hands to indicate that you are \u201csurrendering\u201d for the time-being by calling a halt to what is taking place.<\/p>\n
\u2014 State that you are getting more and more upset and unable to think clearly, or that the conversation is not going in a positive direction and does not seem to be resolving anything.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Explain your plan to calm down and regain a cool head by taking a walk around the block, listening to music, taking a shower, or whatever helps you to regain your composure.<\/p>\n
\u2014 If possible, agree on a time to resume the conversation.<\/p>\n
If you reach an impasse where agreement between the two of you is not possible \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 Agree to have different opinions on the subject but to not let that become a problem in the relationship.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Remember that if two people agree on everything all the time, their relationship runs the high risk of becoming stagnant and void of growth.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Decide to engage in stimulating conversations where varied opinions are expressed in order to develop listening skills, to learn from others, to think through your own opinions, and to practice expressing those opinions to others in a clear and concise manner.<\/p>\n
\u201cA fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.\u2026 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.\u201d (Proverbs 18:2; Romans 14:1)<\/p>\n
QUESTION: \u201cHow can I overcome road rage? I get so angry at other drivers!\u201d<\/p>\n
ANSWER: At times as drivers, we all experience having someone cut in front of us or yell profanity at us or make obscene gestures toward us or intentionally bump us. Whatever the situation, the moment you feel agitated, rehearse the truth in your mind.\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI don\u2019t have to get angry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI refuse to let someone else control my emotions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI choose to be calm and cool-headed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00bb \u201cLord, I don\u2019t know what is wrong with (person\u2019s name), but I pray that you will make Your presence known in this situation.<\/p>\n
\u00bb \u201cLord, (person\u2019s name) has a problem. I\u2019m not going to let that problem be my problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u201cI will stay calm in the strength of Christ.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can do everything through him who gives me strength.\u201d (Philippians 4:13)<\/p>\n
QUESTION: \u201cOne of my coworkers has threatened to harm me. What should I do?\u201d<\/p>\n
ANSWER: Angry people can lose control of their anger and cause property and\/or personal damage. In extreme cases, some even murder those with whom they work. This is why you must \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2014 Take all threats of violence seriously.<\/p>\n
\u00bb Assume that if someone makes a threat, they intend to carry it out.<\/p>\n
\u00bb Most people who commit violent acts at work have given a clear indication of their intent prior to taking action.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Always report any threat.<\/p>\n
\u00bb Report the threat to your supervisor.<\/p>\n
\u00bb Report the threat to a security officer.<\/p>\n
\u00bb If serious enough, report the threat to the police.<\/p>\n
\u2014 When threatened, proceed wisely and cautiously.<\/p>\n
\u00bb Consult your company\u2019s policy manual regarding the Code of Conduct.<\/p>\n
\u00bb Inform the angry person of the consequences of making threats.<\/p>\n
\u201cA prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.\u201d (Proverbs 22:3)<\/p>\n
QUESTION: \u201cI was severely wronged by someone I once trusted. People want me to forgive him. How can I possibly ignore my anger and simply let him off the hook?\u201d<\/p>\n
ANSWER: Picture a hook attached to your collarbone. Then imagine attached to that hook both your offender and all the pain this person has caused you. Do you really want to carry that person and all that pain with you for the rest of your life? The Lord wants you to take the anger and pain from the past and release it into His hands. Then take the one who offended you off your emotional hook and place him onto God\u2019s hook. You can forgive him without trusting him. Extending forgiveness is based on your choice to be obedient to God and to release your anger to Him. Extending trust is based on another person\u2019s ability to be trustworthy. Forgive everyone, but trust only the trustworthy. The Lord knows how to deal justly and effectively with all those who bring pain into your life. He says,<\/p>\n
\u201c \u2018It is mine to avenge; I will repay\u2019, says the Lord.\u201d (Romans 12:19)<\/p>\n
If anger is allowed to smolder and ignite, it can transform you into a ferocious, fire-breathing dragon\u2014scaring, even scarring, those whom you most love. The only power strong enough to slay this devastating dragon is the indwelling presence of Christ. When, as a Christian, you allow Him to conform you to His character, then He will permeate your heart with His peace.
\n\u2014June Hunt<\/p>\n
ACCEPT GOD\u2019S AIM FOR ANGER<\/p>\n
Forest rangers who care for and protect national parks occasionally say they have to \u201cstart a fire to stop a fire.\u201d At times God works for your good in much the same way. Ephesians 4:26 says, \u201cBe angry and do not sin.\u201d Therefore, God clearly intends for you to experience the emotion of anger and to use it for some positive purpose. For example, He can use your anger to spark your awareness of a blazing spiritual problem that needs to be snuffed out. God often allows fiery trials to test your faith and to develop the perseverance necessary to sustain your faith.<\/p>\n
\u201cConsider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.\u201d
\n(James 1:2\u20133)<\/p>\n
As you seek to allow God to direct your anger and use it for His purposes, remember \u2026<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can be used to bring positive change in your life.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can be the lens through which you gain insight into your past hurts.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can bring your true feelings to light.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can reveal your inappropriate ways of trying to meet your own needs.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can help you realize your need for the Lord.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can uncover your need to set healthy boundaries.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can be the foundation on which forgiveness is built.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can be the spark that encourages honest communication in relationships, when appropriately verbalized.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger can be used by God to convict others of sin, when appropriately displayed.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Anger, when it is appropriately handled, can be used by God.<\/p>\n
As you allow God to use your anger for good, you will become an example to others and bring praise to God.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.\u201d
\n(Matthew 5:16)<\/p>\n
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION\u00ae. NIV\u00ae.
\nCopyright \u00a9 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n
We acknowledge that mistakes could occur in the writing of any of our resources or an omission may be found in the many Scripture references and citations contained herein. Although the editors have sought to avoid all errors, some may have crept in or been overlooked, for which we take full responsibility. The considerate reader would render us a great service by calling our attention to any such error.<\/p>\n
The Biblical Counseling Keys should not be construed as a substitute for one-on-one, Christ-centered counseling when needed.<\/p>\n
To order CDs, tapes, resource books and additional Biblical Counseling Keys on Confrontation, Depression, Envy & Jealousy, Evil & Suffering \u2026 Why?, Fear, Guilt, Procrastination, Self-Worth, Verbal & Emotional Abuse, Worry, and other related topics, contact HOPE FOR THE HEART P.O. Box 7 Dallas, TX 75221 or call toll-free 1-800-488-HOPE (4673). Please visit our website for License Agreement and Terms and Conditions.
\nwww.hopefortheheart.org<\/p>\n
All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this material may be reproduced in any form without written permission from HOPE FOR THE HEART.
\n\u00a9 1990\u20132008 HOPE FOR THE HEART<\/p>\n
@book{Hunt_2008,
\nplace={Dallas, TX},
\ntitle={Biblical Counseling Keys on Anger: Facing the Fire Within},
\npublisher={Hope For The Heart},
\nauthor={Hunt, June},
\nyear={2008}}<\/p>\n
Exportiert aus Verbum, 17:23 14. Februar 2019.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The day begins like any other day, but ends like no other\u2014for on this day, he gives full vent to his anger \u2026 and, as a result, finds himself running for his life. He is part of a mistreated minority\u2014grievously persecuted, not for doing something wrong, but for being perceived as a threat. Raised with … <\/p>\n