\u201cFirst seek the counsel of the LORD.\u201d
\n (1 Kings 22:5 NIV)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Divorce
\nA New Beginning from Brokenness<\/p>\n\n\n\n
by June Hunt<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cForget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.\u201d\n(Isaiah 43:18\u201319)<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\nI. DEFINITIONS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A. What Is the Biblical Perspective of Marriage?\n\n \u2022 Marriage is a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman are legally and spiritually joined together as husband and wife.\n \u201cShe is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his.\u201d (Malachi 2:14\u201315)\n\n \u2022 Marriage includes the uniting of two, one male and one female, into one flesh.\n \u201cA man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.\u201d (Genesis 2:24)\n\n \u2022 Marriage is to be a reflection of God\u2019s covenant commitment to His people.1\n \u201cI [God] will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.\u201d (Hosea 2:19\u201320)\n\n \u2022 Marriage is a picture of Christ\u2019s sacrificial love for His bride, the church.\n \u201cHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.\u201d (Ephesians 5:25)\n\n \u2022 Marriage is designed to be permanent until the death of one of the partners.\n \u201cBy law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.\u201d (Romans 7:2)\n\n \u2022 Marriage is a covenant commitment that should never be broken.\n \u201cHas not the LORD made them one?\u2026 Do not break faith with the wife of your youth.\u201d (Malachi 2:15)\n\n\n QUESTION: \u201cWhen I married, my husband and I weren\u2019t Christians. Now that I am a Christian, is it acceptable in God\u2019s eyes to divorce and marry a Christian?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: No. From the beginning, marriage has been an institution initiated by God. Any divorce results in breaking a covenant bond that God has established. The lifetime marriage contract has been transcultural from the most pagan tribe to the most advanced civilization.\n \u201cI tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.\u201d (Matthew 5:32)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nGOD\u2019S HEART ON MARRIAGE<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 God presents marriage as good and worthy of His favor.\n \u201cHe who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.\u201d (Proverbs 18:22)\n\n \u2022 God sees the person you married as being the right life partner for you.\n \u201cThey are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.\u201d (Matthew 19:6)\n\n \u2022 God portrays marriage as a picture of the sacrificial love of Christ (being willing to lay down your personal rights for your mate).\n \u201cHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.\u201d (Ephesians 5:25)\n\n \u2022 God is not as concerned with your circumstances as He is with building your character.\n \u201cWe know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.\u201d (Romans 8:28)\n\n \u2022 God promises to meet all the needs that your mate cannot provide.\n \u201cLet us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.\u201d (Hebrews 4:16)\n\n\nB. What Is the Biblical Perspective of Divorce?\n\n Legal Divorce \u2026 a judicial declaration that terminates the marriage contract2\n\n \u201cIt has been said, \u2018Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Matthew 5:31)\n\n Emotional Divorce \u2026 the result of a hardened heart toward one\u2019s mate, creating an inability to give and receive love\n\n \u201cJesus replied, \u2018Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Matthew 19:8)\n\n\n QUESTION: \u201cI\u2019ve read that in marriage \u2018two will become one flesh\u2019 (Mark 10:8). If my spouse and I get a divorce, would we not simply become two people again?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: Imagine two pieces of construction paper glued together\u2014one red and one blue. If you try to separate the bonded paper, both will tear, leaving blotches of blue on the red and splotches of red on the blue. In marriage, two people \u201cleave and cleave\u201d\u2014they are spiritually glued to each other. If the two are pulled apart, there are consequences that last a lifetime.\n \u201cFor this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.\u201d (Mark 10:7\u20139)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nOLD AND NEW TESTAMENT WORD DEFINITIONS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Old Testament3\n\n \u2022 An Old Testament Hebrew word for the concept of divorce is shalach, which means \u201cto send away.\u201d This Hebrew word is used in Jeremiah 3:1, \u201cIf a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again?\u201d\n\n \u2022 The Old Testament Hebrew verb garish means \u201cto drive out, cast out or put away.\u201d This Hebrew word is used in Numbers 30:9, \u201cAny vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her.\u201d\n\n \u2022 The Old Testament Hebrew noun kerithuth, referring to a legal bill of divorcement, is derived from the root word karath, which means \u201cto make a covenant.\u201d This Hebrew word is used in Deuteronomy 24:1, \u201cIf a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house.\u201d\n\n\nNew Testament4\n\n \u2022 The New Testament Greek word used for divorce is apoluo, which means \u201cput away, release, dismiss or let go.\u201d This Greek word is used in Luke 16:18, \u201cAnyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Another New Testament Greek word, apostasion, is derived from aphistemi, which means \u201cto remove, to revolt or to desert.\u201d This Greek word is used in Mark 10:4, \u201cMoses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\nGOD\u2019S HEART ON DIVORCE5<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 God hates divorce.\n \u201c\u00a0\u2018I hate divorce,\u2019 says the LORD God of Israel.\u201d (Malachi 2:16)\n\n \u2022 God does not see legal divorce as dissolving the \u201cone flesh\u201d spiritual bond in marriage.\n \u201cAnyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.\u201d (Matthew 5:32)\n\n \u2022 God may close His ears to the prayers of one who breaks a marriage covenant.\n \u201cYou flood the LORD\u2019s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, \u2018Why?\u2019 It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.\u201d (Malachi 2:13\u201314)\n\n \u2022 God does not permit divorce just because a mate is not saved\u2014the unbeliever becomes sanctified through the believing spouse and could become a Christian.\n \u201cFor the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.\u2026 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:14, 16)\n\n \u2022 God\u2019s heart is for reconciliation even if there has been a divorce.\n \u201cTo the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:10\u201311)\n\n\nC. Is There Biblical Provision for Divorce and Remarriage?6<\/pre>\n\n\n\nBILL OF DIVORCEMENT7<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 The document of divorce was originally a legal certificate clearing a woman of the stigma of adultery, thus protecting her position in society.\n\n \u2022 The legal divorce was created to protect the innocent, usually the woman when her husband sent her away for reasons other than adultery. (An adulteress would have been stoned.)\n\n \u2022 The divorce document gave women the legal status to remarry.\n\n \u2022 If a husband sent his innocent wife away without the Bill of Divorcement and she remarried, he would have caused her to commit adultery because her original marriage vows had never been severed.\n\n \u2022 Jesus made it clear that the Bill of Divorcement was a law written only to regulate the result of sin\u2014a hardened heart, which destroyed the most sacred relationship\u2014marriage.\n\n\n QUESTION: \u201cIs there any provision in the Bible for divorce and remarriage?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: Yes. Most theologians believe that the Bible makes allowance for divorce in two situations.\n\n \u2014 Sexual infidelity\n \u201cI tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.\u201d (Matthew 19:9)\n\n \u2014 Physical abandonment\n \u201cIf the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:15)\n\n\n QUESTION: \u201cBefore I became a Christian, I divorced and remarried. Should I divorce my second spouse and go back to my first mate?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: No. The Bible clearly says that remarriage to the first mate is unacceptable after marriage to another. God\u2019s heart in giving these commands was centered around the need to caution a man concerning the consequences of putting away his wife.\n \u201cIf a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.\u201d (Deuteronomy 24:1\u20134)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nMARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 A faithful spouse is given permission to divorce a mate for marital unfaithfulness (fornication).\n\n \u2022 This permission was given to protect the faithful spouse.\n\n \u2022 The Greek word for marital unfaithfulness is porneia, which means \u201cany illicit sexual intercourse.\u201d8\n\n \u2022 Sexual infidelity is an act that automatically breaks the marital covenant.\n\n \u2022 Jesus does not advise divorce, but allows it. Some people are led to stay in a marriage and pray that the unfaithful spouse will repent.\n\n \u201cI tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.\u2026 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.\u201d\n (Matthew 5:32; 19:9)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nABANDONMENT<\/p>\n\n\n\n
QUESTION: \u201cI feel that my mate has deserted me emotionally. Is this a biblical reason for divorce?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: No. As painful as rejection is, the abandonment passage in 1 Corinthians refers to the physical desertion by an unbelieving mate.\n \u2014 The believer should not manipulate the unbeliever to stay in the marriage, nor should the believer manipulate the situation in order to drive the unbeliever away.\n \u201cIf the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:15)\n\n \u2014 The believer is not held accountable or bound if deserted by the unbeliever.\n \u201cA believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:15)\n\n \u2014 The believer is called by God to live in peace.\n \u201cGod has called us to live in peace.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:15)\n\n \u2014 The believer should realize that the unbelieving mate might be saved through the marriage relationship.\n \u201cHow do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:16)\n\n \u2014 The believer should not eagerly pursue remarriage, but rather should wait for the Lord to reveal His calling.\n \u201cNevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:17)\n\n Note: Desertion is discussed in Scripture only in reference to an unequally yoked marriage.\n\n \u201cIf the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:15\u201317)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nGOD\u2019S HEART ON DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 God guards and protects the faithful spouse in a divorce.\n \u201cHe guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.\u201d (Proverbs 2:8)\n\n \u2022 God allows divorce and will accomplish His ultimate purpose for you.\n \u201cWe know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.\u201d (Romans 8:28)\n\n \u2022 God promises to meet all your needs.\n \u201cMy God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.\u201d (Philippians 4:19)\n\n \u2022 God requires self-examination when you have experienced divorce.\n \u201cDo not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother\u2019s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, \u2018Let me take the speck out of your eye,\u2019 when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother\u2019s eye.\u201d (Matthew 7:1\u20135)\n\n \u2022 God\u2019s heart is to bring \u201cnew life\u201d out of the devastation of divorce.\n \u201c\u00a0\u2018I know the plans I have for you,\u2019 declares the LORD, \u2018plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Jeremiah 29:11)\n\n\n QUESTION: \u201cIf I have suffered an unwanted divorce, initiated by my mate, am I free to remarry?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: God\u2019s heart is for reconciliation, but if your spouse has remarried, then you are free to marry. However, God has a specific plan for your life, and you need to seek His wisdom when considering remarriage.\n \u201cNow to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.\u2026 If the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:8\u20139, 15)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nII. CHARACTERISTICS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
QUESTION: \u201cWhich is more devastating\u2014divorce or death?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: While divorce and death both can be devastating\u2014sometimes divorce can be more devastating. With death, reminiscing is predominant, but with divorce, rejection runs rampant. With death, memories may be precious, but with divorce, memories are painful. And with death, there is closure, but in divorce, especially when children are involved, the consequences can last a lifetime.\n \u201cDo not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.\u201d (Galatians 6:7)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nSTAGES OF RESPONSE TO AN UNWANTED DIVORCE<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lost income, long soup lines and loss of lives\u2014it was called The Great Depression. Even the hopes of farmers were dashed as the sky darkened and swarms of locusts devoured the crops. Similar devastation also descends on the heart of a spouse who hears the words, \u201cI want a divorce.\u201d Days become dark and dreams are devoured. The drought never seems to end, yet God tenderly speaks to the one who is deserted.\n\n \u201cI will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.\u201d\n (Joel 2:25)\n\n\nA. Turbulence9\n\nThe initial stage is a whirlwind of emotions including guilt, depression and low self-worth. As the winds of rejection sweep away years of investment, identity is eroded, and the ground you once stood on is swept away. This time of turbulence can last up to six months or more.\n\n \u201cWhen you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.\u201d\n (Isaiah 43:2)\n\n \u2022 Denial<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDivorce happens only to other people.\u2026 This can\u2019t be happening to me!\u201d
\n \u201cYou don\u2019t really want to go through with this.\u201d
\n \u2022 Embarrassment
\n \u201cI can\u2019t let anyone know this is happening.\u201d
\n \u201cHow can I face my family and friends\u201d
\n \u2022 Loneliness
\n \u201cI never knew I could feel so lonely, even when I\u2019m with others.\u201d
\n \u201cNo one can understand this pain.\u2026 I feel like my heart is ripped out.\u201d
\n \u2022 Rejection
\n \u201cAm I so undesirable that you won\u2019t try to make it work?\u201d
\n \u201cI suppose there is nothing about me to love.\u201d
\n \u2022 Fear
\n \u201cFinancially, what is going to happen to me?\u201d
\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll be alone the rest of my life.\u201d
\n \u2022 Anger
\n \u201cI hate you for hurting not just me, but also the rest of the family.\u201d
\n \u201cGod, You could have changed his heart.\u2026 I know You could have stopped it!\u201d10<\/pre>\n\n\n\nB. Transition11\n\nA stage of adjustment begins when you recognize the need for change. As you get on with the demands of life, you begin to deal with your emotions honestly and turn your eyes inward for personal growth. If you root out resentment and allow your Redeemer to restore your heart, your life will be fruitful again. This time of transition can last from six months to two years or longer.\n\n \u201cThough you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.\u201d\n (Psalm 71:20)\n\n \u2022 During this time of transition you should be \u2026\n \u2014 Refusing negative thought patterns12\n \u2014 Recognizing the divorce is not all \u201cyour fault\u201d\n \u2014 Receiving God\u2019s love and acceptance13\n \u2014 Reflecting on the relational dynamics of the marriage\n \u2014 Repenting of personal sin and selfishness\n \u2014 Relinquishing your rights and beginning the process of forgiveness\n \u2014 Readjusting to life without a mate\n\n\nC. Thriving\n\nThis stage flows with deep waters of inner strength. Although many broken hearts are never restored because of bitterness or harboring hatred, new beginnings can bloom in time if your hope has been replanted through knowing God intimately and walking in His ways.\n\n \u201cI the LORD have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate.\u201d\n (Ezekiel 36:36)\n\n \u2022 During this time of new beginnings you thrive by \u2026\n \u2014 Knowing that God is in control of your circumstances\n \u2014 Knowing that God cares about every detail of your life14\n \u2014 Knowing that God has brought you through a character-building process\n \u2014 Knowing that you can do nothing on your own, but that strength comes from Christ, who lives in you and develops in you His own character\n \u2014 Knowing that you would not trade who you are now for who you were before the divorce\n \u2014 Knowing that life is full of joy and promise15\n \u2014 Knowing that God wants to use you as a representative of His love in the lives of others<\/pre>\n\n\n\nGrowth is not a gradual upward line. The normal pattern for emotional, mental and spiritual healing will consist of moving in and out of the three stages of turbulence, transition and thriving. Don\u2019t think something is wrong with you or become discouraged when you fall back a few steps or if you seem to be in pain longer than someone else. A broken arm takes time to mend and is tender to the touch, but healing and help is found in the Lord.16<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHeal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.\u201d\n (Jeremiah 17:14)<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\nIII. CAUSES<\/p>\n\n\n\n
QUESTION: \u201cWhy is the divorce rate so much higher now than it was fifty years ago?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: Situational ethics has rejected moral absolutes (clear-cut right and wrong) by rationalizing sin. The influence of the world on our values makes divorce appear to be not only an acceptable solution but also the best solution to marital difficulties.\n \u201cYou adulterous people, don\u2019t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.\u201d (James 4:4)\n\n\nA. Surface Causes of Divorce17\n\n \u2022 An Adulterous Generation\n \u2014 lacking strong moral convictions18\n \u2014 taking advantage of \u201ceasy\u201d divorce laws\n \u2014 living as man and wife prior to marriage\n \u2014 striving for financial and material gain\n \u2014 seeking fulfillment in a career\n \u2014 looking for self-centered happiness\n \u2014 emphasizing personal rights19\n \u2014 experiencing identity issues, midlife crisis or empty nest syndrome20\n \u2014 missing a sense of meaning and purpose to life\n \u2014 believing in the myth of the ideal marriage\n\n\nB. Root Cause of Divorce\n\n \u2022 The Hardened Heart\n\n \u201cBlessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.\u201d\n (Proverbs 28:14)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nCOMMON RELATIONAL DYNAMICS THAT OFTEN LEAD TO DIVORCE21
\n The Hardened-hearted Spouse
\n The Heavy-hearted Spouse
\n \u2022 Feels dissatisfied with marriage and determines the other partner is at fault
\n \u2022 Is completely unaware of partner\u2019s dissatisfaction with the marriage
\n \u2022 Allows some event (could be minor) to trigger a desire for a divorce22
\n \u2022 Is unaware of the event or of any personal responsibility for wounding partner in some way
\n \u2022 Does not openly communicate the anger but the dynamic of relating is affected
\n \u2022 Is aware of a difficult dynamic of relating but copes with partner\u2019s reactions
\n \u2022 Keeps a running mental journal of perceived injustices from partner
\n \u2022 Is aware of partner\u2019s negativism but not able to identify the exact problem
\n \u2022 Remains aloof and brooding while looking for a reason to break up the marriage
\n \u2022 Continues to disappoint partner without being aware of it
\n \u2022 Decides suddenly to leave because of a crisis or some outside interest
\n \u2022 Is in total shock that partner is even contemplating a divorce
\n \u2022 Initiates pressure for the partner to get a divorce
\n \u2022 Resists a divorce and attempts behavioral changes
\n \u2022 Feels completely justified, becomes resolute and determined to get a divorce
\n \u2022 Feels guilty, becomes defensive and then completely devastated by the breakup of the marriage
\n \u201cHe became stiff-necked and hardened his heart and would not turn to the LORD, the God of Israel.\u201d (2 Chronicles 36:13)
\n \u201cI am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.\u201d (Psalm 38:8)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nWRONG BELIFE:\n\n \u201cThere is no love in my marriage. Life is so short, I have the right to seek happiness and personal fulfillment elsewhere.\u201d\n\nRIGHT BELIFE:\n God wants me to love and respect my mate by drawing on the resources of His indwelling love and strength. I will look to God to provide personal fulfillment.\n \u201cThe one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.\u201d (1 Thessalonians 5:24)<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\nIV. STEPS TO SOLUTION<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A. Key Verses to Memorize\n\n \u201cI know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.\u201d\n (Philippians 4:12\u201313)\n\n\nB. Key Passage to Read and Reread<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\nPsalm 119:25\u201332<\/p>\n\n\n\n
FREEDOM FROM GUILT!<\/pre>\n\n\n\n \u2022 Confirm your need before God. v. 25\n \u201cI am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Confess and reflect on your own sins. v. 26\n \u201cI recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Commit yourself to understanding God\u2019s truths. v. 27\n \u201cLet me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Confirm your sorrow about the loss. v. 28\n \u201cMy soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Claim your need for God\u2019s guidance. v. 29\n \u201cKeep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Choose to follow God\u2019s will for your life. v. 30\n \u201cI have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Cling to God\u2019s truths, especially when evil seems to triumph. v. 31\n \u201cI hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Cherish your freedom that is found in the Lord. v. 32\n \u201cI run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.\u201d\n\n\n QUESTION: \u201cWhy do I feel guilty when I\u2019m not the one who wanted a divorce?\u201d\n\n ANSWER: Even though you are the innocent party, in marriage everyone makes mistakes. There may be unconfessed sin in your life for which you are accountable.\n \u201cHe who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.\u201d (Proverbs 28:13)\n\n\nC. Freedom in Forgiveness!\n\nOnce you have overcome personal guilt, you are free to forgive others. Whether you are working toward a reconciled marriage or painfully accepting your partner\u2019s remarriage, forgiving those who have deeply wounded your heart is the key to unlocking the door to \u201cnew beginnings.\u201d23\n\n \u201cIf you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.\u201d\n (Matthew 6:14\u201315)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nFORGIVE<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Follow God\u2019s correction course.24\n\n \u2022 Know that nothing happens to you that has not first passed through the loving hands of God.\n\n \u2022 Know that God has not caused your spouse to leave, but He is working through the situation for your benefit.\n\n \u2022 Know that both you and your spouse share some of the responsibility for the situation.\n\n\u201cHe who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.\u201d (Proverbs 15:31)\n\nOwn your personal sins and seek God\u2019s forgiveness.25\n\n \u2022 Do I have a submissive spirit or am I strong willed?\n \u2022 Do I have a grateful spirit or am I critical and perfectionistic?\n \u2022 Am I patient and forgiving or am I easily angered?\n \u2022 Am I honest and trustworthy or do I seek to deceive?\n \u2022 Do I praise others or do I slander and belittle?\n\n\u201cI acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, \u2018I will confess my transgressions to the LORD\u2019\u2014and you forgave the guilt of my sin.\u201d (Psalm 32:5)\n\nRecognize your need to confess and seek forgiveness.26\n\n \u2022 Seek sincerely to understand how you have hurt another.\n \u2022 Speak only about your offenses.\n \u2022 Keep your statement simple.\n\n \u2014Example:\n \u201cMy heart has convicted me of how deeply I have hurt you. Although I am undeserving, I want you to know I am genuinely sorry for (name the offense). Will you forgive me?\u201d\n\n\u201cConfess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.\u201d (James 5:16)\n\nGive only a good report.27\n\n \u2022 Avoid saying any unkind words about your spouse.\n \u2022 Avoid belittling the other parent in the eyes of your children.\n \u2022 Avoid seeking sympathy from friends and relatives.\n \u2022 Avoid self-centered conversations.\n \u2022 Avoid talking about the difficulties of others without their approval.\n\n\u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.\u201d (Ephesians 4:29)\n\nIdentify the unmet needs of your ex-spouse.\n\n (Know your three God-given inner needs.)28\n\n \u2022 Was your mate searching for unconditional love?\n \u2022 Did your mate lack a feeling of significance and importance within the marriage?\n \u2022 Could your mate have needed more emotional security within the relationship?\n\n\u201cThe wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.\u201d (Proverbs 16:21)\n\nVow to pray for your ex-spouse.29\n\n \u2022 Pray for the salvation of your ex-spouse.\n \u2022 Pray for your ex-spouse to let the Lord meet inner needs.\n \u2022 Pray for Satan to have no power.\n \u2022 Pray for the bondage of sin to be broken.\n \u2022 Pray for protection from outside evil influence.\n \u2022 Pray for godly influences to enter the life of your ex-spouse.\n \u2022 Pray for godly repentance, even if your ex-spouse remarries.\n\n\u201cI tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.\u201d (Matthew 5:44)\n\nExpect God to be working on your behalf.\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, for coming into my life and leading me in the way to go.\u201d\n \u201cFor it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.\u201d (Philippians 2:13)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, for coming to my defense.\u201d\n \u201cHe is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me.\u201d (Psalm 18:47)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, that You bring the guilty to justice.\u201d\n \u201cDo not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God\u2019s wrath, for it is written: \u2018It is mine to avenge; I will repay,\u2019 says the Lord.\u201d (Romans 12:19)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, for promising to provide all my needs.\u201d\n \u201cSo do not worry, saying, \u2018What shall we eat?\u2019 or \u2018What shall we drink?\u2019 or \u2018What shall we wear?\u2019 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.\u201d (Matthew 6:31\u201333)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, that You answer prayer that is according to Your will.\u201d\n \u201cThis is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us\u2014whatever we ask\u2014we know that we have what we asked of him.\u201d (1 John 5:14\u201315)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, that You will protect me from trouble.\u201d\n \u201cYou are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.\u201d (Psalm 32:7)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, that You will be the other parent to my children.\u201d\n \u201cA father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.\u201d (Psalm 68:5)\n\n \u2022 \u201cThank You, God, that You will take the place of my mate.\u201d\n \u201cFor your Maker is your husband\u2014the LORD Almighty is his name\u2014the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.\u201d (Isaiah 54:5)\n\n \u201cSince ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.\u201d\n (Isaiah 64:4)\n\n\nD. Freedom for New Beginnings\n\nBeginning again may mean an opportunity to rebuild a marriage based on new understanding and new goals, or it may mean rebuilding hope into a life that has been broken by sorrow. In either situation, God has a wonderful new beginning for those whose hearts are given to Him. From the soil of failure sprouts \u201cnew life in Christ.\u201d\n\n \u201cIn my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.\u201d\n (Psalm 118:5)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nNEW LIFE IN CHRIST<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Your new identity (married or single) is in the Lord, not in a position or in another person.30\n \u201cI have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.\u201d (Galatians 2:20)\n\n \u2022 You are complete in Christ, not an incomplete single if you don\u2019t remarry.31\n \u201cFor in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.\u201d (Colossians 2:9\u201310)\n\n \u2022 Your happiness comes from inner attitudes, not outer circumstances.\n \u201cBlessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.\u201d (Matthew 5:3\u201312)\n\n \u2022 Your purpose in life, married or single, is to glorify God.\n \u201cDo you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.\u201d (1 Corinthians 6:19\u201320)\n\n \u2022 You have the resources to forgive your ex-spouse and others who have hurt you. 32\n \u201cBear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.\u201d (Colossians 3:13)\n\n \u2022 You have the strength to overcome temptations when you are living in the power of Christ.\n \u201cClothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.\u201d (Romans 13:14)\n\n \u2022 You are free (if you are single) to be concerned with things of the Lord.\n \u201cI would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord\u2019s affairs\u2014how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world\u2014how he can please his wife\u2014and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord\u2019s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world\u2014how she can please her husband.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:32\u201334)\n\n \u2022 You have shared in the sufferings of Christ and can be an effective witness in the lives of others.33\n \u201cThose who suffer according to God\u2019s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.\u201d (1 Peter 4:19)\n\n\nE. Freedom to Minister\n\n \u201cSet an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.\u201d\n (1 Timothy 4:12)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nDO\u2019S AND DON\u2019TS FOR HELPING OTHERS34<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t counsel others when you are walking through your own spiritual wilderness.35\n\n Do \u2026 Be a living example of having Christ\u2019s strength as your strength.\n\n \u201cI can do everything through him who gives mestrength.\u201d (Philippians 4:13)\n\nDon\u2019t give advice based on your personal opinion.\n\n Do \u2026 Know God\u2019s heart on marriage and divorce.\n\n \u201cThere is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.\u201d (Proverbs 14:12)\n\nDon\u2019t encourage dating and remarriage\u2014especially when the former spouse has not remarried.36\n\n Do \u2026 Share God\u2019s heart on reconciliation and contentment.\n\n \u201cIf she does [divorce], she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:11)\n\nDon\u2019t criticize or judge the offending spouse.37\n\n Do \u2026 Encourage the wounded spouse to rely on the Lord to bring healing and justice.38\n\n \u201cA bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice.\u201d (Isaiah 42:3)\n\nDon\u2019t reinforce feelings of self-pity, bitterness and injustice.39\n\n Do \u2026 Encourage keeping a journal of feelings, then releasing the pain to the Lord.40\n\n \u201cSurely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.\u201d (Psalm 51:6)\n\nDon\u2019t allow those you counsel to become too dependent on you.\n\n Do \u2026 Help those who are hurting to rely on God\u2019s unconditional love and acceptance.\n\n \u201cThe LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: \u2018I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Jeremiah 31:3)\n\nDon\u2019t be the only source of counsel.41\n\n Do \u2026 Share how to meditate on God\u2019s Word and listen to God\u2019s voice.\n\n \u201cWhether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, \u2018This is the way; walk in it.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Isaiah 30:21)\n\nDon\u2019t assume that the pain of divorce is over.42\n\n Do \u2026 Reach out during the most difficult times\u2014evenings, anniversaries, holidays and birthdays, social gatherings with couples and at times when the children are with the former spouse.\n\n \u201cDo not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother\u2019s house when disaster strikes you\u2014better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.\u201d (Proverbs 27:10)\n\n\n \u201cPraise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.\u201d\n (2 Corinthians 1:3\u20134)<\/pre>\n\n\n\n@book{Hunt_2008,
\nplace={Dallas, TX},
\ntitle={Biblical Counseling Keys on Divorce: A New Beginning from Brokenness},
\npublisher={Hope For The Heart},
\nauthor={Hunt, June},
\nyear={2008},
\npages={1\u201319}}<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cFirst seek the counsel of the LORD.\u201d (1 Kings 22:5 NIV) Divorce A New Beginning from Brokenness by June Hunt I. DEFINITIONS A. What Is the Biblical Perspective of Marriage? \u2022 Marriage is a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman are legally and spiritually joined together as husband and wife. \u201cShe is … <\/p>\n