\u201cFirst seek the counsel of the LORD.\u201d
\n (1 Kings 22:5 NIV)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Marriage
\nTo Have and to Hold<\/p>\n\n\n\n
by June Hunt<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIn biblical times a covenant vow was binding and unbreakable. Since God made the marriage commitment to be a sacred covenant, it is a lifetime promise, a permanent pledge \u2026 \u2018till death do you part.\u2019\u00a0\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n\u2014June Hunt<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I. DEFINITIONS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The concept of a covenant is threaded throughout the Old and New Testaments, weaving a tapestry of unending love and loyalty between God and His people. Marriage vows mirror the same faithful devotion \u2026 the expression of a lifetime commitment between two people and God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNow if you obey me fully and keep my covenant \u2026 you will be my treasured possession.\u201d<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Exodus 19:5)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A. What Is God\u2019s Model of Marriage?\n\n \u2022 Marriage is a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman are legally and spiritually joined together as husband and wife.\n\n \u201cShe is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his.\u201d (Malachi 2:14\u201315)\n\n \u2022 Marriage is the ceremony or rite that joins a man and a woman in wedlock.1<\/pre>\n\n\n\nWEDDING<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wedding is the common word for the marriage ceremony, usually with formalities and festivities, such as the wedding feast of Cana.2 (Read John 2:1\u201311.)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nMATRIMONY<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Matrimony is a synonym for the word marriage.3 Commonly the word matrimony refers to a marriage performed in a church wedding ceremony.\n\n \u201cSo they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Matthew 19:6)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
B. What Is God\u2019s Heart on Marriage?<\/pre>\n\n\n\nOLD TESTAMENT COVENANTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 The Hebrew word beriyth, used over 280 times in the Old Testament, is most often translated \u201ccovenant,\u201d which means \u201ca binding agreement.\u201d4\n\n \u2022 Mutually binding covenants were made between people and confirmed by an oath in God\u2019s name.5 David and Jonathan entered into a covenant of mutual protection established between the two of them and God.\n (Read 1 Samuel 18:3; 20:8\u201342.)\n\n \u201cThe LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(1 Samuel 20:42)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The marriage covenant is not just between two people, but between two people and God.\n\n \u2022 God initiated and kept covenants with Noah, Abraham and others. (Read Genesis 9:11\u201317.)\n\n \u201cI establish my covenant with you [Noah]: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth. And God said, \u2018This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Genesis 9:11\u201313)\n\n \u201cI will confirm my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.\u201d (Genesis 17:2)\n\n \u201cI also established my covenant with them [Abraham, Isaac and Jacob] to give them the land of Canaan, where they lived as aliens.\u201d (Exodus 6:4)\n\n Even when the Israelites failed to keep the covenant as they promised to do in Exodus 24:7\u20138, God refused to forsake it.\n\n \u201cThey rejected my laws.\u2026 Yet in spite of this \u2026 I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them.\u201d (Leviticus 26:43\u201344)\n\n If you are going to be a godly covenant keeper, you will refuse to forsake your marriage covenant even though your partner may have been unfaithful at a point in time.\n\n \u2022 The phrase \u201cto cut covenant\u201d refers to an old Hebrew custom of sealing a covenant bond by the shedding of sacrificial blood.6 When God established His covenant with Abraham, He required Abraham to cut sacrificial animals in half. (Read Genesis 15:8\u201318.)\n\n \u201cGather to me my consecrated ones, who made a covenant with me by sacrifice.\u201d (Psalm 50:5)\n\n The keeping of a marriage covenant requires death to self.<\/pre>\n\n\n\nNEW TESTAMENT COVENANTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 The Greek word diatheke, translated \u201ccovenant\u201d or \u201ctestament,\u201d conveys the picture of a legal will\u2014a last will and testament. This pledge of inheritance and promise of distribution is based on one individual\u2019s desires.7\n\n \u2022 While the English word covenant signifies a mutual agreement of joint obligation between two or more parties, diatheke connotes a covenant, pledge or promise made solely by one individual.8\n\n \u201cChrist is the mediator of a new covenant \u2026 he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.\u201d (Hebrews 9:15)\n\n As a covenant keeper, you are singly responsible to demonstrate your covenant of love and loyalty even if your mate does not respond as you would like.\n\n \u2022 Just as God the Father used blood from sacrificial animals to seal a covenant in the Old Testament, God seals a new covenant with His people by the sacrificial death and shed blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.\n\n \u201c\u00a0\u2018This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many,\u2019 he said to them.\u201d (Mark 14:24)\n\n Keeping a marriage covenant will require \u201cdeath to self\u201d through a willingness to make difficult personal sacrifices.\n\n \u2022 Both Testaments state God\u2019s call for His people to be covenant keepers, but only the New Testament promises us the power to remain faithful to our commitments. This power comes through the presence of Christ in each believer.\n\n \u201cI no longer live, but Christ lives in me.\u201d (Galatians 2:20)\n\n Developing the strength of character required to keep a lifetime commitment is a continual process of submitting your will to God, allowing Him to develop the character of Christ in you.<\/pre>\n\n\n\n\u201cI will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land.\u201d (Leviticus 26:42)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
C. What Is God\u2019s Pattern for Marriage?\n\n \u201cA man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Genesis 2:24\u201325)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These two verses in Genesis establish the four elements in God\u2019s perfect order for marriage.9\n\n \u2022 Separation \u201cA man will leave his father and mother.\u201d\n\n Both the husband and wife leave the authority of their parents and become a separate family unit. In marriage the loyalty to your parents should never be stronger than the loyalty to your spouse.\n\n \u2022 Bonding \u201cAnd be united to his wife.\u201d\n\n By an act of your will, bonding is a mental commitment to have a faithful, permanent relationship with your spouse regardless of difficulties.\n\n \u2022 Oneness \u201cThey will become one flesh.\u201d\n\n Physical oneness is the consummation of sexual closeness. However, to achieve a lasting oneness, both of you should look for ways to bring pleasure to the other. Openly ask what is pleasurable and take the time to enjoy one another.\n\n \u2022 Intimacy \u201cThey felt no shame.\u201d\n\n Emotional intimacy is encouraged when you seek to be vulnerable and transparent, honestly sharing with one another your feelings of frustration and failure and your deepest disappointments and desires.\n\n Spiritual intimacy is achieved when you continue to reveal to one another your unmet needs, praying together, praying for each other and sharing what God is personally doing in your lives.10\n\n\nD. What Are God\u2019s Purposes for Marriage?\n\nGod has a unique purpose for the marriage covenant. The marital relationship affords you the awesome opportunity to showcase Christ\u2019s relationship to His bride (the church). In the same way that Christ sacrificially gave Himself to the church, you and your mate should be willing to sacrifice your individual desires for the sake of your marriage covenant.\n\n \u201cHe who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Proverbs 18:22)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Partnership\n\n God has given you and your mate to one another as partners for life. True companionship grows within the marriage relationship when there is emotional, spiritual and physical unity.\n\n \u201cDo two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?\u201d (Amos 3:3)\n\n \u2022 Pleasure\n\n The marriage relationship and your mate are God\u2019s special gifts to you. True enjoyment of your mate will grow out of self-control and a servant\u2019s heart.\n\n \u201cMay your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.\u201d (Proverbs 5:18)\n\n \u2022 Parenting\n\n God\u2019s first command in Scripture was for Adam and Eve to be \u201cfruitful and multiply.\u201d God desires that the earth be filled with godly offspring.\n\n \u201cGod blessed them and said to them, \u2018Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.\u2019\u00a0\u201d (Genesis 1:28)\n\n \u2022 Perfecting\n\n In the intimate relationship of marriage, you become well aware of your partner\u2019s shortcomings. Your partner is also well aware of your shortcomings! God uses both your weaknesses and strengths to sharpen and conform you and your partner to the image of Christ.\n\n \u201cFor those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son.\u201d (Romans 8:29)\n\n\nE. What Is God\u2019s Design for Marriage?\n\n \u2022 Monogamy\u2014being married to only one person or to only one person at a time11\n\n Q \u201cMy husband died several years ago. To honor his memory, should I refuse to consider remarriage?\u201d\n\n No. God\u2019s Word says you are free to marry again as long as the person is a believer.\n\n \u201cA woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:39)\n\n \u2022 Bigamy\u2014being married to one person while legally married to another12\n\n Q \u201cSince some cultures approve of bigamy, how can it be wrong?\u201d\n\n Although civil laws change, the Bible teaches the covenant of one wife for one husband.\n\n \u201cSince there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:2)\n\n \u2022 Polygamy\u2014being married to two or more people at the same time13\n\n Q \u201cWhy did God change from giving approval to polygamy in the Old Testament to endorsing monogamy in the New Testament?\u201d\n\n God has never changed. From the beginning His original design for the covenant marriage was monogamy.\n\n \u201cThe LORD God said, \u2018It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper [not helpers] suitable for him.\u2026 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife [not wives], and they will become one flesh.\u201d (Genesis 2:18, 24)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nII. CHARACTERISTICS OF A TROUBLED MARRIAGE<\/p>\n\n\n\n
God uses the marital relationship as a chisel to chip away at your unresolved personal problems. When your marriage reveals any of these characteristics, it is God\u2019s way of getting your attention in order for one or both of you to change. God\u2019s intent is for both partners to move from self-centered behavior toward sacrificial behavior that demonstrates godly love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A. The Make-Believe Marriage \u2026 a marriage that lacks honest and intimate communication\n\n \u2022 Not confronting\n fearful and insecure\n \u2022 Not being direct\n manipulative\n \u2022 Not working through problems\n stubborn\n \u2022 Not accepting responsibility\n defensive\n \u2022 Not acknowledging your mate\u2019s feelings\n rejecting mate emotionally\n \u2022 Not concerned about your mate\u2019s needs\n self-centered\n \u2022 Not displaying affection\n taking mate for granted\n\nThe make-believe marriage is marriage in name only. Two people are going through the outward rituals of a marriage, yet one or both seem to be selfishly pursuing individual personal goals. The way to enjoy intimate communication is to be as concerned about your partner\u2019s needs as about your own.\n\n \u201cEach of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Philippians 2:4)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
B. The Maladjusted Marriage \u2026 a marriage in which sexual difficulties are ignored\n\n \u2022 Frigidity\n fear, psychological problems, sexual abuse, guilt\n \u2022 Impatience\n insensitivity, selfishness\n \u2022 Infidelity\n unrealistic expectations, pornography\n \u2022 Fatigue\n excessive busyness, overcommitment\n \u2022 Denial\n manipulation, anger, unforgiveness\n\nThe maladjusted marriage is sexually maladjusted and is not experiencing the unique expression of spiritual and physical \u201coneness.\u201d God\u2019s design is that both partners, as an act of love, yield their bodies to one another. True sexual fulfillment comes through seeking to provide pleasure to the other.\n\n \u201cThe husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife\u2019s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband\u2019s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(1 Corinthians 7:3\u20134)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
C. The Mixed-Up Marriage \u2026 a marriage where strongly held values are in conflict\n\n \u2022 Religious Beliefs\n \u2014 \u201cWe should attend church every Sunday.\u201d\n \u2014 \u201cChurch attendance is not important.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Parenting Responsibilities\n \u2014 \u201cChildren should be taught to obey.\u201d\n \u2014 \u201cChildren should be given total freedom.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Marital Commitments\n \u2014 \u201cAdultery is unforgivable.\u201d\n \u2014 \u201cAn affair could be healthy for a marriage.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Drinking Convictions\n \u2014 \u201cWe will not have alcohol in our home.\u201d\n \u2014 \u201cThere is nothing wrong with social drinking.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Friendship Choices\n \u2014 \u201cYour friends are a bad influence on us.\u201d\n \u2014 \u201cThese have always been my friends, and I like them.\u201d\n\n \u2022 Moral Principles\n \u2014 \u201cAbortion is always wrong because it is murder.\u201d\n \u2014 \u201cAbortion is okay and should be the mother\u2019s choice.\u201d\n\nThe mixed-up marriage is a mixture of opposing values and beliefs and has the potential for tension, criticism and power struggles. When basic values are in conflict, the partners have great difficulty developing oneness in the mind, will and emotions. God\u2019s design for the married couple is that they be like-minded, having the same desires and purposes.\n\n \u201cMake my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Philippians 2:2)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
D. The Misfocused Marriage \u2026 a marriage burdened with financial difficulties and disagreements\n\n \u2022 Who will earn the family income?\n\n \u2022 Who will control the money?\n\n \u2022 How will the family money be spent?\n\n \u2022 How much money will be given to the church?\n\n \u2022 Should we use credit cards?\n\n \u2022 What do we do when credit cards are misused?\n\n \u2022 Do we really need to have a budget?\n\n \u2022 What happens when there isn\u2019t enough money for essentials?\n\nConflicting answers to these questions and other financial difficulties can result in a couple\u2019s developing an unhealthy focus on money and material needs. God desires that a marriage be free of an emphasis on money by trusting Him for financial security.\n\n \u201cKeep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, \u2018Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.\u2019\u00a0\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Hebrews 13:5)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
E. The Misaligned Marriage \u2026 a marriage in which the partners fail to recognize\/respond to their God-given roles\n\n \u2022 Failure of the husband to provide responsible leadership\n\n \u2014 He is not a spiritual leader.\n\n \u2014 He is not financially responsible.\n\n \u2014 He refuses to make decisions.\n\n \u2014 He doesn\u2019t seek to solve problems.\n\n \u2014 He neglects his wife emotionally.\n\n \u2014 He always gives in to her demands.\n\n \u2014 He is not honest about his desires and needs.\n\n \u2022 Failure of the wife to have a submissive spirit\n\n \u2014 She does not have a gentle spirit.\n\n \u2014 She tries to control her husband.\n\n \u2014 She becomes involved in power struggles.\n\n \u2014 She stubbornly holds to her opinions.\n\n \u2014 She withdraws from him emotionally.\n\n \u2014 She is bitter and sarcastic.\n\n \u2014 She seeks revenge for not feeling loved.\n\nGod\u2019s order is for the husband to feel significant through providing for his family and receiving the respectful love of his wife. He fills her need for security through love, acceptance, sensitivity to her needs and unselfish commitment to their marriage.14\n\n \u201cWives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.\u2026 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Ephesians 5:22\u201323, 25)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
III. CAUSES OF A BROKEN MARRIAGE<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Far too many people enter into a marriage relationship expecting a personal payoff. Deep and honest reflection will reveal thinking like, She is going to make me happy, or He is going to take care of me. Eventually, these unfulfilled expectations become lost hopes and dreams that can grow into a root of bitterness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSee to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Hebrews 12:15)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A. Common Expectations\n\n \u2022 Marriage will \u2026\n\n \u2014 provide me with love and acceptance\n\n \u2014 bring me affection and sexual intimacy\n\n \u2014 surround me with a loving family\n\n \u2014 rescue me from my present circumstances\n\n \u2014 furnish me with financial security\n\n \u2014 afford me social acceptance\n\n \u2014 offer me broader career opportunities\n\n \u2014 protect me from loneliness\n\n \u2014 give me the assurance that someone will take care of me\n\n \u2014 allow me the time to change my mate\u2019s behavior\n\n \u2022 Common Conclusions\n\n \u2014 \u201cLife is too short to live like this. We\u2019ll both be happier if I just leave.\u201d\n\n \u2014 \u201cThis was not a marriage made in heaven. We should have never married.\u201d\n\n \u2014 \u201cWe\u2019ve tried everything, and nothing works. Our situation is hopeless.\u201d\n\n \u2014 \u201cMy spouse is stubborn and selfish. Things will never really change.\u201d\n\n \u2014 \u201cEverybody is getting a divorce these days. Marriage just doesn\u2019t mean what it used to.\u201d\n\n \u2014 \u201cIt will be better for the children to be away from this tense environment.\u201d\n\n \u2014 \u201cI\u2019ll never be happy in this marriage. Maybe I can just \u2018stick it out\u2019 until the children are grown.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\nBut the Bible says,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLove and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.\u201d<\/code><\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Psalm 85:10)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
B. Root Cause\n\nThose who enter marriage with the goal of getting rather than giving are living with the unrealistic expectation that a spouse can meet their deepest inner needs.\n\nWRONG BELIEF:\n\n \u201cI have the right to expect my marriage partner to meet my needs. Divorce is better than keeping a loveless marriage together.\u201d\n\nRIGHT BELIEF\n\n God expects me to keep my marriage commitment. I will look to the Lord to provide my deepest needs and allow Christ to love and serve my mate through me.15\n\n \u201cThe Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.\u201d (Matthew 20:28)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nIV. STEPS TO SOLUTION<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A. Key Verse to Memorize\n\n \u201cSubmit to one another out of reverence for Christ.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Ephesians 5:21)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The principle of mutual submission applies to many relationships. Submission is based on your love for the Lord and your desire to do His will. The same applies to marriage. Because of their love for God, both husband and wife are in a process of learning to defer to the desires of the other. Submission, however, is not appropriate when it is based on fear or if it results in a violation of God\u2019s will.\n\n\nB. Key Passage to Read and Reread<\/pre>\n\n\n\nEphesians 5:22\u201333<\/p>\n\n\n\n
God designed the marriage relationship to reflect the relationship of Christ and His church.\n\nHUSBAND AND WIFE\nCHRIST AND THE CHURCH\n \u2022 The husband is the head of the wife as\nv. 23\n \u2022 Christ is the head of the church.\nv. 23\n He is in a position of authority, but he is under the headship of Christ.\n Christ has authority over believers, but He is under the headship of God, the Father.\n \u2022 The wife is to willingly submit to her husband as\nvv. 22, 24\n \u2022 Believers (the church) are to willingly submit to Christ.\nv. 24\n She is yielding to the God-given authority in her life according to a godly conscience.\n Believers are yielding to the Lordship of Christ.\n \u2022 The husband is to have sacrificial love for his wife as\nvv. 25\u201326\n \u2022 Christ has sacrificial love for His church.\nvv. 25\u201326\n He unselfishly meets his wife\u2019s needs.\n He sacrificed His life for the church.\n \u2022 The husband is to love his wife as he loves his own body as\nvv. 25, 28\n \u2022 Christ loves believers as members of His own body.\nv. 30\n He nourishes and cares for his wife.\n He nourishes and cares for believers.\n \u2022 The husband is to become one with his wife as\nv. 31\n \u2022 Christ becomes one with His church.\nv. 32\n The husband and wife have made a lifelong covenant with each other.\n He has made an eternal covenant with believers.\n\n\nC. Letting Christ Love Your Mate through You\n\nAlthough everyone has three God-given inner needs\u2014the needs for love, for security and for significance16\u2014God designed the husband to have a greater need for personal significance, while the wife is uniquely created with a deeper need for security. A crucial element in the marriage relationship is becoming aware of your partner\u2019s needs and learning to meet them creatively.17\n\n \u201cEach of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Philippians 2:4)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
FOR WIVES \u2026 YOUR HUSBAND\u2019S NEEDS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Admiration\n\n \u2014 Praise his positive character traits.\n\n \u2014 Reassure him of his capabilities.\n\n \u2014 Respect his burden of responsibility.\n\n \u201cHer husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.\u201d (Proverbs 31:23)\n\n \u2022 Domestic Support\n\n \u2014 Provide a peaceful home atmosphere.\n\n \u2014 Manage the home efficiently.\n\n \u2014 Verbalize appreciation for his provision.\n\n \u201cShe watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.\u201d (Proverbs 31:27)\n\n \u2022 Companionship\n\n \u2014 Develop mutual interests together.\n\n \u2014 Learn to talk knowledgeably about your husband\u2019s occupation.\n\n \u2014 Become interested and\/or proficient in activities your husband likes.\n\n \u201c\u00a0\u2018The two will become one flesh.\u2019 So they are no longer two, but one.\u201d (Mark 10:8)\n\n \u2022 Attractiveness\n\n \u2014 Develop inner beauty that earns respect.\n\n \u2014 Display inner strength regardless of outward circumstances.\n\n \u2014 Dress in an appropriate, feminine manner.\n\n \u201cShe is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.\u201d (Proverbs 31:25)\n\n \u2022 Sexual Fulfillment\n\n \u2014 Be a responsive wife.\n\n \u2014 Communicate your sexual needs.\n\n \u2014 Give assurance that your husband is sexually adequate.\n\n \u201cThe wife\u2019s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband\u2019s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:4\u20135)\n\n \u201cA wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(Proverbs 31:10\u201312)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
FOR HUSBANDS \u2026 YOUR WIFE\u2019S NEEDS<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Affection\n\n \u2014 Give hugs, kisses and touches.\n\n \u2014 Tell her how much you care for her.\n\n \u2014 Give her cards, flowers and gifts.\n\n \u201cHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.\u201d (Ephesians 5:25)\n\n \u2022 Communication\n\n \u2014 Talk on the feeling level.\n\n \u2014 Listen with concern and interest.\n\n \u2014 Encourage and praise her positive character traits.\n\n \u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.\u201d (Ephesians 4:29)\n\n \u2022 Honesty\n\n \u2014 Commit to total truthfulness.\n\n \u2014 Share your true thoughts, feelings and desires.\n\n \u2014 Discuss your plans and activities clearly.\n\n \u201cAn honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.\u201d (Proverbs 24:26)\n\n \u2022 Financial Security\n\n \u2014 Shoulder the financial responsibility.\n\n \u2014 Consult her on how to best use finances.\n\n \u2014 Prepare a budget together to plan for the future.\n\n \u201cIf anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.\u201d (1 Timothy 5:8)\n\n \u2022 Commitment\n\n \u2014 Make your wife and family your highest earthly priority.\n\n \u2014 Schedule quality and quantity time alone with her.\n\n \u2014 Verbalize your commitment to her often.\n\n \u201cMarriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.\u201d (Hebrews 13:4)\n\n \u201cHusbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.\u201d<\/pre>\n\n\n\n(1 Peter 3:7)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Try making a list of ten specific things you feel would please your mate. A wife might show her husband respect by asking for his advice. A husband can encourage his wife by seeking her opinion about his friends or business activities. Each week try to practice one thing on your list.\n\n\nD. A Covenant Connection\n\nThe very heart of marriage is a covenant relationship. Just as God reaffirmed His covenant with Israel on many occasions, a husband and wife must never lose their commitment to each other. This commitment is not only to your mate, but also to the marriage itself. Commitment goes much deeper than romantic love, and it will empower you to keep an unbreakable covenant with your marriage partner regardless of the unexpected circumstances life will bring.\n\n \u201cI will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.\u201d (Hosea 2:19)<\/pre>\n\n\n\nCOVENANT CHECKLIST<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Commit to working through problems, not walking away.\n\n \u2014 Decide together that divorce is not an option.\n\n \u2014 Agree to communicate feelings honestly and lovingly.\n\n \u2014 Agree to stop and talk when your mate becomes upset.\n\n \u2014 Agree to understand the reasons for each other\u2019s actions.\n\n \u201cAre you married? Do not seek a divorce.\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:27)\n\n \u2022 Offer love to your mate even when you don\u2019t feel like it.\n\n \u2014 Evaluate how your love compares to that described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Substitute your name in the place of the word love in verses 4\u20138.\n\n \u2014 Ask, \u201cAt what times do I need to be more patient and kind?\u201d\n\n \u2014 Ask, \u201cAre there times when you feel I\u2019ve not forgiven you?\u201d\n\n \u2014 Forgive freely, refusing to keep a record of wrongs.\n\n \u201cLove is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.\u201d (1 Corinthians 13:4\u20138)\n\n \u2022 View your marriage as God\u2019s setting for spiritual growth.\n\n \u2014 Evaluate the needs in your life for love, for significance and for security.\n\n \u2014 Realize that God did not create any one person to meet all of your needs.\n\n \u2014 While God is your ultimate need-meeter, see your mate as God\u2019s gift to meet some of those needs.\n\n \u2014 Allow your mate to identify and help you with your blind spots.\n\n \u201cHe who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.\u201d (Proverbs 15:31)\n\n \u2022 Eliminate the emphasis on your rights.\n\n \u2014 Identify what makes you angry.\n\n \u2014 Determine what personal rights have been violated.\n\n \u2014 Sensitively express your honest desires\u2014\u201cIt would mean a lot to me if you would take out the trash.\u201d\n\n \u2014 Realize that as a Christian, you\u2019ve yielded your rights to the Lord.\n\n \u201cDo you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.\u201d (1 Corinthians 6:19\u201320)\n\n \u2022 Nurture your identity in Christ.\n\n \u2014 Evaluate whether or not your sense of self-worth is based on how your mate treats you.\n\n \u2014 Realize that your true worth is based on Christ\u2019s dying for you and living in you.\n\n \u2014 Read the New Testament letters, such as Ephesians and Philippians.\n\n \u2014 Write out what it means for you to be \u201cin Christ\u201d and to have \u201cChrist in you.\u201d\n Example: \u201cI have Christ\u2019s strength to do what is right before God.\u201d\n (Read Philippians 4:13.)\n\n \u2014Acknowledge that your true identity is in Christ, not in your mate.\n\n \u201cI have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.\u201d (Galatians 2:20)\n\n \u2022 Ask God to change you.\n\n \u2014 Evaluate what areas in your life need changing.\n\n \u2014 Ask your mate, \u201cWould you name one area in my life where you feel I need the most change?\u201d\n\n \u2014 Ask your mate, \u201cWould you help me devise a plan for improvement?\u201d\n\n \u2014 Pray for God to give you the desire and the power to change.\n\n \u201cCreate in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.\u201d (Psalm 51:10)\n\n \u2022 Nourish your extended family relationships.\n\n \u2014 Evaluate the tangible and emotional needs of your in-laws.\n\n \u2014 Do acts of kindness that are totally unexpected.\n\n \u2014 Realize your opportunity to draw them to Christ through your love.\n\n \u2014 Commit to never saying an unkind word about your mate\u2019s family.\n\n \u2014 Pray daily for those who have hurt you\u2014forgive and forgive again.\n\n \u201cHonor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.\u201d (Exodus 20:12)\n\n \u2022 Turn your expectations over to God.\n\n \u2014 Evaluate the unrealistic expectations you have had of marriage and of your mate.\n\n \u2014 Realize that God can bring complete fulfillment to you regardless of your marriage partner.\n\n \u2014 Believe that your relationship to God is more important than your relationship with your mate.\n\n \u2014 Thank God that He will work in your marriage for your ultimate good.\n\n \u201cMy soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.\u2026 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.\u201d (Psalm 62:1\u20132, 5)\n\n The most important concept in marriage is the commitment of covenant. While circumstances change from good to bad, and emotions move from up to down, commitment to God\u2019s covenant of marriage is the constant that every couple needs. Commitment is based on fact, not feeling \u2026 commitment is the glue that holds.\n \u2014June Hunt<\/pre>\n\n\n\n\u201c\u2026 AT THE BEGINNING OF CREATION \u2026
GOD MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE\u201d
(MARK 10:6)
What do you know about the man or woman in your life? Are you perplexed or even angered by your loved one\u2019s behavior and responses? When Scripture says, \u201cGod made them male and female,\u201d it means God made them different, and this dissimilarity goes deeper than the obvious physical differences. God constructed them differently inside. Males and females simply think and experience life differently. Understanding masculinity and femininity is a clue to understanding and loving your mate.
These tendencies are not weighed on a scale of \u201cright or wrong.\u201d They are complementary and God-given to bring balance and depth to your marriage relationship.
\u201cGod saw all that he had made, and it was very good.\u201d
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cFirst seek the counsel of the LORD.\u201d (1 Kings 22:5 NIV) Marriage To Have and to Hold by June Hunt \u201cIn biblical times a covenant vow was binding and unbreakable. Since God made the marriage commitment to be a sacred covenant, it is a lifetime promise, a permanent pledge \u2026 \u2018till death do you part.\u2019\u00a0\u201d … <\/p>\n