Preface
\nFailing doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m a failure; it just means I have not yet succeeded. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve accomplished nothing; it just means I\u2019ve learned something. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve been a fool; it just means I\u2019ve had the courage to take a risk. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m inferior; it just means I\u2019m not perfect. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve wasted my time; it just means I have a reason to start over. It doesn\u2019t mean I should give up; it just means I have to try harder. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ll never make it; it just means I need more patience. It doesn\u2019t mean God has abandoned me; it just means He has a better idea!
\nChapter One
\nDavid Purse, Jr.
\nDuring some of the worst days of the violence in Northern Ireland, a series of \u201creprisal killings\u201d took place that targeted the most innocent and the most defenseless. Fear spread over the province like a dark cloud. The locals referred to it as the \u201ctit-for-tat killings.\u201d
\nOne Saturday afternoon, on January 12, 1979, a car pulled up outside Seaview Soccer Stadium in north Belfast, and a hooded man stepped out with a rifle. At point blank range, he pumped four bullets into the head of David Purse, Sr., a policeman, and the father of three little boys. The gunman disappeared into a safehouse nearby, and to my knowledge he\u2019s never been found.
\nBesides being a police officer, David Purse, Sr., was also the Sunday school superintendent at the 3,000 member Metropolitan Tabernacle in Belfast. As crowds gathered three days later for the funeral, Dr. James McConnell, his pastor, wept openly over the loss of a husband, a father, a member, a friend, and a country ripped apart.
\nFive years later I met David Purse, Jr. at the spot where his dad had been slain. He\u2019d agreed to do an interview with me for a television network in the United States. As the camera focused in on us, I asked this seventeen-year-old to take me back to that day and tell me how he felt.
\nLooking at me intensely he said, \u201cHate; raw hate! It consumed me for months. It was all I thought about day and night. The only time I felt better was when I heard or read in the newspaper, that some of the \u2018other side\u2019 had been killed too.
\n\u201cI thought constantly about joining a paramilitary organization, getting a gun and doing to them what they had done to me.
\n\u201cInside I was raging; I knew I was wrong, but I didn\u2019t know how to change it. I prayed, but I felt like the Psalmist when he said, \u201cMy prayer returned into mine own bosom\u201d (Psalm 35:13). It was like a fever inside me that had to run its course and then break.
\n\u201cSix months later\u2014it did!
\n\u201cUp until this time my goal had been to attend Queen\u2019s University and study medicine. Yet I was aware of something pulling me in a different direction\u2014the ministry.
\n\u201cI was scheduled to be baptized one weekend, and in an attempt to prepare my heart for the event I tried to pray again; but it was useless. That\u2019s when I heard a voice say to me, \u2018David Purse, the hate that\u2019s in your heart right now, is exactly the same kind that was in the hearts of the men who murdered your dad. So what does that make you?\u2019
\nThe words were like a sledgehammer breaking a rock. That night, David Purse, Jr. reached his breaking point\u2014and his turning point.
\n\u201cIt was as though a big hand had reached down into a bathtub filled with rage and pulled the stopper,\u201d he told me. \u201cSlowly the bitterness started draining away, and I began to understand the words of Job, a man who had lost a lot more than me, \u2018You shall forget your misery; you shall remember it as waters that pass away \u2026 though there be darkness, it shall be as the morning\u2019 \u201d (Job 11:16-17).
\nMorning was dawning for David Purse, Jr.
\nAs we finished the interview that gray Saturday afternoon, he looked at me and said, \u201cI have asked God for two things; first, to preach the Gospel of peace from one end of this land to the other. Second, to meet the man who murdered my dad; not to exact revenge, but to tell him about God\u2019s love, for that\u2019s the only hope any of us have.\u201d
\nA few years later at the age of 21, David accepted his first pastorate in one of the border towns that separates Northern and Southern Ireland. It was a terrorist stronghold, and the last place on earth he would ever have picked. But God picked it for him.
\nOf the one hundred people in his congregation, all of whom he had grown to love dearly, 99% were from \u201cthe other side.\u201d
\nDavid Purse, Jr. now lives in England with his wife, Donna, and their three boys, and pastors two growing churches. Every day he touches hundreds of lives with God\u2019s love.
\nBut it only happened because he decided to do two things: (1) forgive, and keep on forgiving, until the past could neither hold nor hurt him any more. (2) start over, and take control of his life.
\nYou can do that too\u2014if you really want to!
\nChapter Two
\nThree Life-Changing Principles
\n\u201cI do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah\u2026\u201d (Hebrews 11:32 NIV)
\nYou ask, \u201cWho\u2019s Jephthah?\u201d One of the greatest military heroes in Israel\u2019s history. But getting there wasn\u2019t easy.
\nHis mom was a prostitute; his dad was promiscuous; his half-brothers were hateful and threw him out of the house before he could inherit a penny of the family\u2019s wealth. When he turned for help to the city fathers, the one group he thought would stand by him, they played politics and slammed the door in his face.
\nBroken but not defeated, he went up into the hill country to a place called Tob. The name means \u201cgood.\u201d How remarkable! He discovered purpose in the midst of his pain. Out of devastation he found direction\u2014and you can too.
\nEven though he had been reduced to living in a cave he refused to live like a \u201cvictim.\u201d Instead he used the time to prepare for his future. He began recruiting and training an army that would fight a decisive battle and ultimately make him a legend. It\u2019s interesting how it happened.
\nOne day when the Ammonites attacked Israel, the city fathers, yes the same ones who turned their backs on him years before, came hat-in-hand, begging him for help. What would you have done?
\nJephthah didn\u2019t just help them; he put his life on the line for them!
\nHis rag-tag army leveled 20 enemy cities as the Ammonite hordes went down before his forces like stubble in a storm. As a reward, he was made the youngest governor in his nation\u2019s history, and he ended up in the Bible \u201cHall of Fame\u201d with men like Gideon, Samson and David. (See Hebrews, Chapter 11)
\nSo what\u2019s your excuse for quitting?
\nBefore you mention it, step on to the scales with Jephthah. He refused to let his past rob him of his future. Instead of curling up into a ball of self-pity and resentment, he rose up and took control of his life. That meant overcoming his beginnings and starting again. You say, \u201cHow did he do it?\u201d By observing three life-changing principles. Here they are:
\n1. The answer to old relationships\u2014is new ones.
\nOne day God said to the prophet Samuel, \u201cHow long wilt thou mourn for Saul? Fill thine horn with oil and go \u2026for I have provided\u201d (1 Samuel 16:1). Samuel grieved the loss of King Saul for so long that God had to visit him and tell him, \u201cIt\u2019s time to move on.\u201d
\nThere\u2019s a step beyond death; it\u2019s called burial. It separates the dead from the living, and the past from the future. Some of us get through it faster than others and some of us never do. We talk only of the past, because we stopped living at a certain point years ago.
\nAny time you discuss the past as though it was the present, it\u2019s because you\u2019ve allowed the past to steal the present right out of your hands. Don\u2019t do it! Rise up and take it back! Listen again to what God told Samuel, \u201cGo \u2026 for I have provided.\u201d
\nDid you hear that? God\u2019s provided everything you need to start over!
\nHere\u2019s your choice: you can keep lamenting what nobody can change, or you can start living in the present and begin to plan for the future. God says, \u201cI have provided.\u201d There are friends who are just waiting to be part of your life the moment you decide to live again. Let that sink in!
\nStop reliving events that are dead and gone! Stop arguing with people who aren\u2019t even listening! Take all your time, your love, and your energy, and give it to the future, for it\u2019s time to move on.
\n2. The answer to pain is purpose!
\nAre you battling loneliness and depression? The first step out is to find a cause greater than you, and give yourself to it. When the focus changes from you to others, your life will begin to take an upswing.
\nIf self-centeredness has kept you from \u201cgetting over yourself,\u201d examine your attitude, and determine to make others your priority. Start by asking yourself the following questions, either at the beginning or at the end of each day:
\na. Into whom am I pouring my life?
\nb. Who am I helping who can\u2019t give me back anything in return?
\nc. Who am I encouraging daily?
\n3. The answer to resentment is a commitment to walk in love and forgiveness.
\nOne day Peter said to Jesus, \u201cLord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?\u201d Jesus replied, \u201cUntil seventy times seven\u201d (Matthew 18:21-22).
\nWow! Do you realize what Jesus told Peter to do? If you\u2019re awake sixteen hours a day, that means forgiving your brother\u2014every two minutes! That\u2019s not an act, it\u2019s an attitude. It means forgive, and keep on forgiving, until it loses its power over you.
\nDuring the last days of the Berlin wall, some hard-liners in the East drove a truck filled with garbage over into the West and dumped it just inside the wall. Instead of retaliating, a few wiser and cooler heads filled a truck with food and humanitarian aid, drove it over to the East, and stacked it up neatly just inside the wall.
\nThey also left a note that read, \u201cEach gives what he has to give!\u201d
\nIf garbage is what you\u2019ve got, garbage is what you\u2019ll give. If love and forgiveness is what you\u2019ve got, love and forgiveness is what you\u2019ll give. The choice is yours. Furthermore, your future depends on it being the right choice!
\nForgiveness is not for the benefit of others\u2014it\u2019s for your benefit! Until you can forgive the offense and release the person who hurt you, you can\u2019t move on.
\nWhy waste another moment of your life living that way?
\nChapter Three
\nThe Rearview Mirror
\nOne day I stopped to offer help to a lady whose car had run off the road into a ditch. Fortunately, she wasn\u2019t hurt, and her car had suffered only a few minor scrapes and dents.
\n\u201cWhat happened?\u201d I asked her.
\nHalf embarrassed and half amused she replied, \u201cInstead of watching the road ahead of me, I was looking in my rearview mirror, freshening my makeup.\u201d Then she laughed and said, \u201cI think next time I\u2019ll pull off the road before I try that.\u201d
\nA few minutes later, I watched as a big truck with flashing yellow lights hauled her out of the drainage culvert, and towed her to the nearest service station. As they disappeared, I had this illuminating thought: There\u2019s no way to go forward, if you\u2019re looking at what\u2019s behind. If you do, you\u2019ll end up in a ditch for sure!
\nThis lady got out of her ditch pretty quickly and with only minimal damage. Some of us seem to spend our whole lives trying to get out of ours!
\nChapter Four
\nLessons From My Mother
\nMy father died when I was 12. He left without saying goodbye.
\nMy older brother, Neil, and my little sister, Ruth, and I were excited because he was coming home from hospital the next day, after being treated for coronary thrombosis. As far as we knew he had been given \u201ca clean bill of health.\u201d
\nThat summer evening as my mum sat holding his hand, he was his old cheerful self, telling jokes and keeping her entertained. She adored him.
\nSuddenly, without a moment\u2019s warning, a blood clot dislodged, traveled to his brain, and he fell lifeless across the bed. It happened in seconds.
\nShe screamed, but he didn\u2019t move. Unable to comprehend or accept what had happened, she grabbed one of the attending physicians and shook him like a rag doll, shouting, \u201cTell me he\u2019s not dead; tell me he\u2019s not dead.\u201d
\nShe was a widow at 40.
\nFor the next two years she struggled to start over. More than once she argued with God, \u201cWhy did you take him? I needed him more than you did.\u201d She especially hated the term \u201cwidow\u201d and refused to let anyone call her it.
\nFor months after he had gone she would see him so vividly in her dreams that she would actually get out of bed and go to meet him. But when her hand touched the bedroom door, she would awaken and dissolve into tears.
\nI was only thirteen at the time, but I remember that helpless feeling as I lay in the bedroom next to hers, listening to her muffled sobs.
\nThe government gave her \u201ca widow\u2019s pension\u201d of nine dollars a week. Even though it wouldn\u2019t feed the four of us for more than a day or two, she tithed. The thought of doing otherwise would never have entered her mind.
\nOften I\u2019d say to her, \u201cYou can\u2019t afford to.\u201d But she\u2019d just smile and say, \u201cI can\u2019t afford not to. Tithing is not about money it\u2019s about obedience. When I give God His portion, I can go to Him with confidence and know that He\u2019ll meet all of my needs. You see, I don\u2019t have to do anything to earn His love; He gives that freely to us all. But I do have to do certain things if I want to enjoy His blessings.\u201d Then she would add, \u201cWe may live a hand to mouth existence, but always remember son, it\u2019s God\u2019s hand to our mouth.\u201d
\nShe taught me three things about giving that still govern my life.
\nFirst, the seed you sow will never leave your life. It simply moves from where you are today, to where you\u2019ll be tomorrow; but when you get there it will no longer be the seed you planted, but the harvest you need. She believed that as long as she kept on sowing, she would keep on reaping\u2014and she did.
\nSecond, she taught me that God will never ask you for something you don\u2019t have, but He\u2019ll always ask you for something you\u2019d like to keep. She knew that giving proves you\u2019ve conquered greed. It also proves you\u2019ve conquered the fear of lack.
\nThird, she taught me that you always have enough to create what you need. She\u2019d say, \u201cWhen what I have is not enough, I just make it a seed. The moment I put that seed into God\u2019s hands, my next harvest begins.\u201d
\nThe things I learned from watching her have impacted me more than all the books I\u2019ve ever read, and all the sermons I\u2019ve ever listened to.
\nSome of the kids I grew up with on the streets of Belfast joined sectarian organizations, and ended up dead or in prison. But she took God in one hand and us in the other, and announced, \u201cAs for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.\u201d
\nIt paid off; today both of her sons are in the ministry and her daughter is a Christian writer!
\nIt took a few years for her to get back on her feet after the loss of my dad. But when she finally came out of that valley, she became a friend to the friendless, a champion to the underdog, and a support system for ministers and missionaries everywhere.
\nShe also prayed for me. At the most broken and devastated moments of my life, when I wasn\u2019t sure I\u2019d make it, I believe it was her praying that pulled me through. She said she was \u201cstanding in the gap\u201d for me. I\u2019m convinced that she had a direct line to God; when she talked, He listened, and things changed.
\nAs I sat down to write this chapter I asked myself what it was that enabled her to overcome her grief, poverty, and oppressive surroundings, and go on to make such a difference in the lives of so many others?
\nThree things came to mind almost immediately.
\nFirst, she lived by the Scriptures. She had a verse for everything\u2014and it could be aggravating. If we didn\u2019t treat the dog right, she\u2019d say, \u201cA righteous man regardeth the life of his beast.\u201d Or if we talked negatively she\u2019d say, \u201cYou\u2019ll be snared by the words of your mouth.\u201d The woman was a walking Bible!
\nOne of her favorite verses was, \u201cFaith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God\u201d (Romans 10:17). By soaking herself in the scriptures each day she found the faith and the courage she needed to overcome every difficulty.
\nSecond, she gave her life to others. She knew there was no solution in blame, and no healing in self-interest. If you had nowhere to go, you could always come to our house.
\nI\u2019m moved now as I recall her compassion, but I wasn\u2019t too impressed with it at the time. Not that she ever consulted me about it. If I\u2019d even thought of saying anything negative about the people who lived in our guest room, (most of whom I thought were weird) she\u2019d throw me a glance and say, \u201cIn as much as ye have done it to the least of one of these My brethren, ye have done it unto Me.\u201d
\nBy focusing her attention on others rather than herself, she found healing, self-worth, and direction for her life.
\nThird, her favorite place was church. There she built a network of friends who celebrated her victories and supported her in her struggles. Every time the doors were open she was there\u2014and so was I!
\nToday I meet a lot of parents who tell me, \u201cMy children don\u2019t want to go to church,\u201d and I imagine their children are probably in their middle to late teens. But then I discover that some of them are as young as 10, 11 or 12, and I think to myself, \u201cHow can that be?\u201d I never got an invitation to church in my life. Nor did I get to vote on going, because we didn\u2019t live in a democracy. She\u2019d just look at me and say, \u201cYoung man if you want to see your next birthday\u2014you\u2019ll be in God\u2019s house!\u201d
\nNow being in \u201cGod\u2019s House\u201d didn\u2019t just mean Sunday morning\u2014that would have been fine. No, for me it also meant two Sunday Schools on Sunday afternoon as well; one Presbyterian and the other Brethren. When I pointed out that all my friends just went to one Sunday School, so how come I had to go to two, she\u2019d smile and say, \u201cIt\u2019s a back-up plan, in case you weren\u2019t listening the first time around!\u201d
\nAfter the second Sunday School we had a quick supper. It resembled the ancient Passover meal where they ate standing up, their staff in their hand, their loins girt about them, and ready to move at a moment\u2019s notice. Our situation was similar, because we had to catch two connecting buses to make it on time for the seven o\u2019clock evangelistic service.
\nI liked that service because they had lively music and a band. Furthermore, at the ripe old age of 12, they made me the church drummer. Now I\u2019m not sure what the fabled McNamara\u2019s Band sounded like, but I\u2019m told that what it lacked in skill, it made up for in enthusiasm. That was us.
\nThe night I joined it, my mother took me aside and in stern tones reminded me that mine was now \u201ca high calling.\u201d When my friends at school heard about my high calling, they promptly nicknamed me \u201cMoses\u201d and \u201cAbraham.\u201d
\nBut the meeting I dreaded most was the Monday night prayer meeting, which lasted for hours. I thought it was \u201cthe tribulation period\u201d spoken of in the Book of Revelation, and the church had to go through it every week. The same people standing up, praying the same prayers year after year. If they had dropped dead in the middle of their prayer, I could have finished it off for them.
\nShe also made me attend the Wednesday night Bible study and the Friday night youth service. And if she could find a series of \u201crevival meetings,\u201d I was in church every night.
\nWhile my friends were playing soccer and going to the \u201cflicks,\u201d I was being \u201cplanted in the courts of the Lord.\u201d
\nEven though I love and appreciate it today, the church I grew up in wasn\u2019t a lot of fun. We weren\u2019t permitted to go to the movies; although when television came, the same people who preached against them, now watched them in their own home. I never asked about this, because such questions were considered a form of rebellion.
\nWe were also warned against going to football games, because that was \u201cmixing with the world.\u201d I really wondered about that one. Was their darkness stronger than our light? I think the idea was that being seen in worldly places with worldly people could ruin your testimony, specially if it looked like you were having a good time.
\nWe also preached against money\u2014and it worked; people with money never came to our church! The fact that we couldn\u2019t afford a decent building, pay a pastor, put an ad in the local newspaper, or support a missionary, didn\u2019t give us a second thought.
\nOne of the favorite targets of our preaching was against ladies who wore makeup. God help them! I never quite understood it, for even an old barn looks better with a little paint on it. In our services we\u2019d sing:
\nDare to be a Daniel, dare to stand alone,
\nStay outside the chemist\u2019s shop,
\nand call your face your own.
\nFurthermore, we preached against smoking, drinking, gambling, and adultery. Especially adultery, because I think they were afraid that it could lead to dancing!
\nYou may not believe this, but we even preached against eating pork. Honestly! You haven\u2019t lived until you\u2019ve heard two hundred people clapping, playing tambourines, and singing:
\nKeep the food laws, they are good laws,
\nPraise the Lord I\u2019m feeling fine,
\nsince I left off eating swine.
\nMy younger sister, Ruth, was part of a group that sang in the \u201copen-air meetings\u201d on Friday nights. The strategy here was to catch the drunks coming out of the pubs at closing time, which was 10 p.m.
\nBecause of the lateness of the hour the only musician the group could find was a guy called \u201cShuey.\u201d He played the chanter. It was an instrument that looked like bag-pipes without the bag, and it produced a wailing, forlorn sound.
\nOne of their favorite numbers for trying on the drunks was:
\nThere are two things God doth detest,
\nHigh-heel shoes and a low-neck dress.
\nI ain\u2019t a gonna grieve my Lord no more.
\nOne particular night the spot they chose for their open-air meeting was right beneath a music school, which met upstairs and offered evening classes to its students. It was a serious institution.
\nAgain Shuey and the chanters struck up:
\nThis is one thing I will not do,
\nI will not stand in a cinema queue.
\nI ain\u2019t a gonna grieve my Lord no more.
\nThe words and the music wafted their way through the windows of the music school upstairs, bringing all serious study to a screeching halt.
\nWithin moments the school\u2019s director appeared with the face of a thundercloud, and informed them that not only were they disrupting his class, but furthermore, if any of his students ever produced such a sound he\u2019d close the entire place down.
\nUpon hearing that, Shuey told the chanters, \u201cIt\u2019s just an attack of the devil,\u201d and moved them on to the next corner, and the next group of defenseless drunks.
\nAnyway, that\u2019s enough about \u201cthe old days.\u201d
\nIn spite of all these humorous memories, I treasure the foundations that were laid, and the truths that were taught to me during those formative years. They\u2019ve been like an anchor that\u2019s held me in the biggest storms of my life.
\nBecause I watched my mother beat the odds and start over again, I was able to do the same thing when my life fell apart years later.
\nChapter Five
\nHow Big Is Your Mistake Quota?
\nEverybody fails. The winners are just the ones that keep getting back up again!
\nReally, the only way to be a loser is to fail and quit; or fail and not learn from it; or fail and not look beyond it; or fail and let it define you as a failure.
\nListen carefully to these words, \u201cFor time would fail me to tell of Gideon and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthah; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong.\u201d (Hebrews 11:33-34).
\nNote the words \u201cout of weakness were made strong\u201d. Built into every painful experience you\u2019ve ever had, is the wisdom you need to start over and do it better the next time.
\nIn Leadership Magazine, J. Wallace Hamilton says, \u201cThe increase of suicides, alcoholics, and even some forms of nervous breakdowns, is evidence that many people are training for success without ever being trained to handle failure. Yet failure is far more common than success, poverty is far more prevalent than wealth, and disappointment is far more normal than arrival.\u201d
\nOnly when you can look failure in the eye, experience it and move beyond it, will you succeed.
\nIn the Psychology of Achievement, Brian Tracy tells of four millionaires who made their fortunes by the age of 35. What\u2019s notable about them is that all four tried an average of seventeen different things before they found the one that made them successful!
\nImagine that! They tried and failed and changed\u2014sixteen times\u2014before they found what worked for them. That\u2019s what it takes, an attitude that refuses to quit!
\nWe are too quick to judge things as failures when they\u2019re just learning experiences. Knowing what doesn\u2019t work, moves you one step closer to knowing what does.
\nThomas Edison said, \u201cMany of life\u2019s failures are just people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.\u201d The key is having the commitment to move through your failures, learning as you go, and taking hold of the success that lies just beyond them.
\nFailure is like fertilizer; it\u2019s the stuff success grows in.
\nHerbert Brocknow has a great saying: \u201cThe fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from the one who does.\u201d When you can allow yourself to fail, you\u2019re also allowing yourself permission to succeed. You can\u2019t experience one without the other.
\nChuck Braun of Idea Connection Systems gives each of his trainees \u201ca mistake quota.\u201d It works like this: each student can make thirty mistakes during a training session and have nothing to worry about. If he uses up all thirty, Chuck gives him another thirty. And the result? Suddenly his trainees begin to think of mistakes as \u201ca creative process,\u201d and see them as an essential part of the learning curve.
\nBefore Edison gave the world incandescent light, he conducted one-thousand failed experiments. When a reporter asked him how he felt about failing one thousand times he replied, \u201cI didn\u2019t fail a thousand times. The electric light bulb was just a one thousand step process.\u201d What an answer!
\nSadly, most of us grew up in a culture where failure was unacceptable, and it was usually rewarded with embarrassment and condemnation. That perception must be changed before you can begin to move forward.
\nChapter Six
\nKeep Bouncing Back!
\nDo you feel like a failure? Would you like to break out of your negative thinking patterns? If so, look at an area of your life where you keep failing and do the following:
\nCheck your expectations! Write them down, and then ask yourself\u2014Are they realistic? Do I expect to do everything perfectly or succeed on the first try? How many mistakes will I allow myself before I succeed? Then adjust your expectations to reality.
\nTry something different! Brainstorm at least twenty or thirty new methods and then try at least half of them. If the first ten don\u2019t work, just tell yourself, \u201cO.K., now I know that it\u2019s at least an eleven-step process\u201d\u2014and keep going!
\nUse your strengths! Utilize your best skills and strengths and then learn to \u201cstaff your weakness.\u201d There are gifted people around you whose dreams will come true by helping to make yours come true. Look for them.
\nLearn to bounce back! No matter how many times you fall down, get back up and start over. Paul J. Meyer says, \u201cNinety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.\u201d
\nDo you remember the Wright Brothers? They were the two bicycle mechanics who pioneered the first airplane.
\nBut did you also know that Dr. Samuel Langley, a professor of mathematics and astronomy at the Smithsonian Institute, was expected to do it before them? This brilliant scientist published books on the subject ten years before the Wright brothers even thought of flying their first plane. His experiments achieved such a high level of success, that the U.S. War Department even funded him.
\nBut on October 8, 1903 when Langley tried to fly his first bi-plane, it finished up in the water, not more than 50 yards from where it had taken off.
\nThe New York Times blasted him and called it \u201cA ridiculous fiasco.\u201d They wrote, \u201cMan might fly one day\u2014perhaps one to ten million years from now.\u201d
\nBut Langley was able to ignore their criticism and stay focused.
\nTwo months later he tried again. And again he was unsuccessful. This time the wing supports broke as the plane took off, and it plunged upside down into a river. The pilot almost died.
\nThe newspapers labeled it, \u201cLangley\u2019s Folly.\u201d Again the New York Times led the way; \u201cWe hope that Professor Langley will not put his substantial greatness in further peril by continuing to waste his time and money.\u201d
\nThis time Langley couldn\u2019t bounce back!
\nSoon after this he wrote, \u201cI have brought to a close the portion of the work, which seemed to be specially mine. For the next stage the world may look to others.\u201d Deeply discouraged he gave up his life\u2019s dream without seeing one of his planes in the air.
\nNine days later, Orville and Wilbur Wright, with no education and no funds, flew their plane, Flyer I, over the sands of Kitty Hawk and into the history books.
\nA little over two years after his failure, Langley suffered a stroke and died. Sadly, while most of the world has heard of the Wright Brothers, he is almost unknown.
\nWhy did Langley finally fail? Because he considered his failure to be final! He didn\u2019t have a big enough \u201cmistake quota.\u201d
\nJ. I. Packer says, \u201cA moment of conscious triumph makes one feel that after this nothing really matters; a moment of realized disaster makes one feel that this is the end of everything. But neither feeling is realistic, for neither event is really what it is felt to be.\u201d
\nChapter Seven
\nKeep Believing In Yourself!
\nErma Bombeck\u2019s first job was as a copy girl at Dayton Journal-Herald. In college her guidance counselor told her to \u201cforget about writing\u201d because she didn\u2019t have the talent for it. But she refused to listen, and after she got her degree in English, she began writing for the obituary column and the women\u2019s page.
\nBesides wanting to be a writer, one of her greatest desires was to be a mother. But the doctors told her she was incapable of having children. Did that stop her? No way! She went out and adopted a daughter. Two years later to her delight, she conceived.
\nEven that brought problems. In four years she experienced four pregnancies but only two of her babies survived.
\nIn 1964 she convinced the editor of a small neighborhood newspaper, the Kettering-Oakwood Times, to let her write a weekly humor column. Her starting salary was $3.00 a week. The next year she was offered a chance to write a column, three-times-a-week, for her old employer, the Dayton Journal Herald.
\nThat was the break she needed! She seized the opportunity and made the most of it.
\nBy 1967, she was so successful that her column was syndicated in more than nine hundred newspapers. For the next thirty years she wrote words that lifted the spirits and enriched the lives of people everywhere.
\nDuring that time she published fifteen books, and was recognized as one of the 25 most influential women in America. She appeared frequently on Good Morning America, was featured on the cover of Time, received The American Cancer Society\u2019s Medal of Honor, and was awarded fifteen honorary degrees.
\nBut during that same time, she also experienced incredible challenges and setbacks, including breast cancer, a mastectomy, and kidney failure.
\nShe shared her experiences like this; \u201cWhen I speak at college commencements I tell everyone, \u2018I\u2019m up here and you\u2019re down there, not because of my successes, but because of my failures.\u2019
\n\u201cThen I proceed to spin them all off\u2014a comedy album that sold two copies in Beirut. A sitcom that lasted about as long as a doughnut in our house. A Broadway play that never saw Broadway, and book signings where I attracted two people\u2014one who wanted directions to the restroom, and another who wanted to buy the desk I was sitting at.
\n\u201cWhat you have to tell yourself is, \u2018I\u2019m not a failure; I just failed at doing something.\u2019 There\u2019s a big difference!
\n\u201cPersonally and careerwise, it\u2019s been a corduroy road. I\u2019ve buried babies, lost parents, had cancer and worried over kids. The trick is to put it all in perspective, and that\u2019s what I do for a living.\u201d
\nEvery great success has struggled with failure\u2014everyone of them!
\nMozart was told by the emperor Ferdinand that his opera The Marriage of Figaro was \u201cfar too noisy and had far too many notes.\u201d Van Gogh sold only one painting during his lifetime, yet today his smallest painting brings millions of dollars. Einstein was considered unteachable as a child. His schoolteacher in Munich told him he would \u201cnever amount to anything.\u201d
\nYet they kept believing in themselves and refused to accept failure.
\nAuthor Leo Buscaglia was a great admirer of television cooking expert Julia Child. He said, \u201cI just love her attitude.\u201d She says, \u2018Tonight we\u2019re going to make a souffl\u00e9!\u2019 And then she beats this and whisks that, and she drops things on the floor, and does all these wonderful human things. Then she takes the souffl\u00e9 and throws it in the oven and talks to you for a while. Finally, she says, \u2018Now it\u2019s ready!\u2019 But when she opens the oven, the souffl\u00e9 just falls flat as a pancake. But does she panic or burst into tears? No! She just smiles and says, \u2018Well, you can\u2019t win them all. Bon appetite!\u2019
\nIf you want to succeed, the secret is not to let any single incident color your view of yourself!
\nChapter Eight
\nWinners And Losers!
\nIn 1954 the Milwaukee Braves and the Cincinnati Reds played each other on the opening day of major league baseball.
\nEach team had a rookie making his first appearance. The rookie who played for the Reds hit four doubles and helped his team to win. The rookie who played for the Braves didn\u2019t hit one ball. The Reds player was Jim Greengrass, a name you\u2019ve probably never heard. The other guy, the one who didn\u2019t get a single hit, might be more familiar to you. His name is Hank Aaron, and he went on to become the best home-run hitter in the history of the game.
\nIf Hank Aaron had been easily discouraged, he would have given up in defeat after his first game. But he didn\u2019t\u2014he learned from it, practiced harder, and decided he would do better next time. That\u2019s what it takes to be a winner!
\nHave you ever heard of Dick Fosbury? He\u2019s the man who changed high-jumping history. Until he came along most high jumpers went over the bar facing it. But he developed the technique of going over headfirst with his back to the bar. His technique came to be known as \u201cThe Fosbury Flop.\u201d
\nEverybody, including some coaches and athletes, told him it wouldn\u2019t work. But he just smiled and thought, \u201cSomebody has to be the first to do it, or nothing will ever change or improve.\u201d
\nAnd he did it! He won the gold medal for high jumping at the Mexico City Olympic Games in 1968\u2014and set a new record. Now just about every world-class high jumper uses his technique! Why? Because he was willing to try something different, and because he refused to allow his critics to intimidate him.
\nPsychologist Simone Caruthers says, \u201cLife is a series of outcomes. Sometimes the outcome is what you want. Great. Figure out what you did right, and keep doing it. Sometimes the outcome is what you don\u2019t want. Great. Figure out what you did wrong and don\u2019t do it again.\u201d Either way you win if you learn from it.
\nBut look out! Failure in your past can lead to fear in your future!
\nJohn Maxwell points out that many people get stuck in a cycle of fear. Because they don\u2019t act, they don\u2019t gain experience. This lack of experience means they can\u2019t handle similar situations, and that ultimately feeds their fear. The longer this fear remains unchecked, the harder they have to work to break the cycle.
\nHow do you break the cycle of fear?
\nHope you\u2019ll feel different tomorrow? Wait until the circumstances become less risky? The answer is\u2014feel the fear and do it anyway!
\nAre you waiting for the motivation to get you going? If you are, then read these words from a medical journal:
\n\u201cMotivation is not going to strike you like lightning, and it\u2019s not something that someone else\u2014nurse, doctor, or family member-can bestow or force on you. The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it! Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation and guess what? After you start doing it, the motivation will come.\u201d
\nMotivation begins with a decision.
\nThe people who possess it are called \u201cself-starters.\u201d As soon as they start moving forward\u2014even if that means overcoming hundred and one negative emotions\u2014their motivation suddenly kicks in.
\nHarvard psychologist Jerome Brutner says, \u201cYou\u2019re more likely to act yourself into feeling, than to feel yourself into acting.\u201d So act! Whatever it is you know you should do\u2014start doing it!
\nGeorge Bernard Shaw said, \u201cA life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.\u201d To break the cycle of fear, you\u2019ve got to take action\u2014you simply have to!
\nRecently I saw a great plaque in someone\u2019s office with these words:
\n\u201cEvery morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn\u2019t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle: When the sun comes up, you had better be running.\u201d
\nThat just about says it all\u2014doesn\u2019t it?
\nChapter Nine
\nNo Excuses
\nKing Solomon said, \u201cAs a man thinketh, so is he.\u201d
\nHow do you see yourself? As a failure? As a victim? What has made you believe that? Your family history? Your immediate circumstances? Your past experiences?
\nDo you find yourself making excuses and blaming others? Like the drivers who filled out police reports and offered these hilarious explanations for the car accidents in which they had been involved.
\n\u201cI had been driving my car for four years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.\u201d
\n\u201cI was on my way to the doctor\u2019s office with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way.\u201d
\n\u201cThe pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.\u201d
\n\u201cThe guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before hitting him.\u201d
\n\u201cI pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and drove over an embankment.\u201d
\n\u201cAn invisible car came out of nowhere, struck me, and vanished.\u201d
\nUntil you quit making excuses and accept personal responsibility for your life\u2014nothing will change. No matter how often you fall down, you\u2019re not a failure until you blame somebody else for pushing you.
\nJohn H. Holiday, the founder and editor of the Indianapolis News, exploded in anger one day because someone had spelled height as hight. When a worker checked the original copy and explained to Holiday that he himself had been the one who did it, the editor\u2019s response was, \u201cWell, if that\u2019s the way I spelled it, then it must be right.\u201d The paper misspelled the word his way for the next thirty years. Louis Armstrong once quipped, \u201cThere are some people, and if they don\u2019t know, you can\u2019t tell them.\u201d
\nWhen are you going to stop blaming others, look in the mirror and say, \u201cI\u2019m responsible for my life, and nobody else?\u201d
\nDon\u2019t be like the dying man who said to his wife, \u201cDear, you\u2019ve been with me through thick and thin. When I got fired, you were there. When I lost the business you were there. When my health failed you were there.\u201d
\nAfter a few moments of silence he looked up at her and said, \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re bad luck!\u201d
\nYou may smile, but as long as you keep blaming others and refusing to accept responsibility for yourself, you\u2019ll never discover how great your life could have been.
\nBut let me say something very important right here.
\nIt\u2019s wonderful to fall and keep getting back up again, but the idea is to learn from it and grow wiser! That may happen on your third fall or your three-hundredth, but at some point the light should begin to shine. Listen carefully to this essay by Portia Nelson called, \u201cAutobiography in Five Short Chapters.\u201d It\u2019s a real eye-opener.
\nChapter 1. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn\u2019t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
\nChapter 2. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don\u2019t see it. I fall in again. I can\u2019t believe I am in the same place but it isn\u2019t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
\nChapter 3. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It\u2019s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
\nChapter 4. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
\nChapter 5. I walk down another street.
\nYour mistakes are not the issue; what you learn from them is. Built into every painful experience is the wisdom to build a better future. All you need is the right perspective, a willingness to learn, and one more thing\u2014character!
\nCharacter means being honest enough to say you\u2019re wrong, wise enough to learn from it, and courageous enough to push your way through the pain to the next level. Character is the stuff enduring success is made.
\nIt\u2019s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\u2019s the size of the fight in the dog that determines who wins. Motivation comes from a well that you already have within you. Draw from it. Protect it. Keep it constantly filled with inspiration.
\nConsider carefully the following words from the book of Proverbs: \u201cKeep vigilant watch over your heart; that\u2019s where life starts\u2026 keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you\u201d (Proverbs 4:23-25, TM).
\nThe apostle Peter writes, \u201cHis divine power has given us everything we need \u2026 He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature\u201d (2 Peter 1:3-4, NIV).
\nDid you get that? With God as your source, you\u2019ve got everything you need to be successful. So make your relationship with Him a priority!
\nChapter Ten
\nThe Attitude That Overcomes!
\nWhere did you ever get the idea that everybody would appreciate you? Certainly not from Jesus! He said His blessings are reserved for the \u201cpersecuted\u201d and \u201creviled\u201d (Matthew 5:11). If you have thin skin, life will give you a rough time, and your critics will find you an easy target.
\nEndurance is the secret not popularity!
\nLook what Paul endured in order to fulfill his life\u2019s goal. Desertion by his friends, ugly letters from the Corinthians, disappointment with the Galatians, mistreatment in Philippi, mocking in Athens, imprisonment and beheading in Rome. And you\u2019re complaining?
\nFrom prison he writes, \u201cEverything happening to me in this jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardless of whether I live or die. They didn\u2019t shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I\u2019m Christ\u2019s messenger; dead I\u2019m His bounty. Life versus even more life! I can\u2019t lose\u201d (Philippians 1:21-22, TM).
\nWhat are you going to do with a man like this? He\u2019s beyond your reach! His strength comes from within and is not diminished by the things that surround him.
\nEverybody wants what successful people have. The problem is, most of us don\u2019t want to do what they did in order to get it. When it comes to success there\u2019s no carpet on the racetrack, and no bed of roses on the battlefield.
\nThe fight begins the moment your eyes open and your feet hit the floor!
\nDid you know that Lord Nelson, England\u2019s famous hero of the sea, struggled with seasickness all his life? Yet this man who sank Napoleon\u2019s fleet refused to let his personal struggles rob him of his destiny. Not only did he learn to live with his weakness\u2014he learned to conquer it day by day!
\nAll of us have our battlegrounds. Everybody you meet is struggling at some level. And while nobody pins a medal on us for winning, nothing can diminish the satisfaction of knowing that you didn\u2019t quit.
\nI heard about a boy who had lost his right hand in an accident. When the doctor asked him about his handicap, he replied, \u201cI don\u2019t have a handicap; I just don\u2019t have a right hand!\u201d Later the doctor discovered that he was one of the leading scorers on his high school basketball team.
\nIt\u2019s not what you\u2019ve lost, it\u2019s what you have left that counts!
\nIn San Diego\u2019s famous Sea World, you can actually see ducks on roller skates. Honestly. But when you get close to them, you\u2019ll notice something\u2014they don\u2019t have their hearts in it. You may smile, but a lot of us are like that. Instead of living purpose-driven lives, we just let life happen to us.
\nThe Bible is a storybook about people who overcame their weaknesses and went on to change history. Why? Because they had purpose!
\nRemember Nehemiah? When he showed up, Jerusalem was in ruins and the people of Israel were prisoners. But he rallied, motivated, and organized them. Fifty-two days later, they washed off their trowels, stowed their gear, and walked away from a newly-finished wall. How did he do it?
\n1) He had passion! He could hardly sleep at night for picturing the problem and seeing himself solving it. That\u2019s what it takes.
\n2) He could motivate others! What good is your leadership if you can\u2019t move others to action, or get anybody to follow you.
\n3) He had confidence! He may have doubted his own ability, but he never doubted God\u2019s. His book is full of prayers\u2014silent ones, short ones, specific ones.
\n4) He refused to give up! From the time he started mixing the mortar until the day he hung the last gate, his attackers never let up. But he took it: sarcasm, suspicion, gossip, threats, false accusations\u2014you name it. Nothing could move him.
\n5) He was realistic! He had some of the workers building the wall while others stood guard against attack. He acted without overreacting; he was gracious but unbending. Winners don\u2019t just have their head in the heavenlies, they\u2019ve got their feet planted firmly on the ground.
\n6) He had the discipline to finish the job! Winners are finishers. When the job loses it\u2019s luster, they don\u2019t go somewhere else; they stay at it \u201cin season and out.\u201d
\nSuccess is an attitude!
\nChuck Swindoll says, \u201cYour mind is a thought factory. It produces thousands of thoughts each day. This factory is controlled by one of two foremen, Mr. Triumph and Mr. Defeat.
\n\u201cMr. Triumph specializes in producing reasons why you can handle whatever comes your way; why you\u2019re more than able to conquer. But Mr. Defeat is an expert at producing reasons why you can\u2019t succeed, and why you should give in and give up.
\n\u201cBoth are instantly obedient; at your signal they snap to attention. Give a positive signal, and Mr. Triumph will throw the switches and see to it that one encouraging, uplifting thought after another floods your mind. But turn Mr. Defeat, and in the name of reality or common sense he\u2019ll convince you that you can\u2019t, or won\u2019t, or shouldn\u2019t. He\u2019ll drain all your energy, squelch all your confidence, and turn you into a frowning, tight-lipped, fatalistic victim.
\nHappiness is not a matter of intelligence, age, or position. No, it\u2019s a matter of right thinking. Your joy is directly related to the thoughts you\u2019ve deposited in your memory bank. You can only draw out what you\u2019ve put in.\u201d
\nWhat kind of performance would your car give if you kept putting dirt into the gas tank? The same is true of your life.
\nBut you say, \u201cI have so many problems.\u201d
\nYou don\u2019t have more problems than other people, you just think about them more often! Change how you think and you\u2019ll change how you feel!
\nThe apostle Paul writes, \u201cWhatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable\u2014if anything is excellent or praiseworthy\u2014think about such things \u2026and the God of peace will be with you\u201d (Philippians 4:8-9, NIV).
\nWhat is your life\u2019s goal? What do you dream of accomplishing?
\nPaul\u2019s goal was reaching the world with his message. Listen, \u201cMy life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned to me\u201d (Acts 20:24, NLT).
\nRobert Ballard\u2019s goal was finding \u201cThe Titanic.\u201d And he did it. After searching for thirteen years, he found her two miles deep in the Atlantic. How fascinated was he by her? Enough to take 53,000 pictures of her. Enough to study every visible foot of her gigantic frame. Enough to respect her privacy and leave her where he found her\u2014undisturbed and unexploited.
\nWhat burns within you? What do you really want?
\nDo you want to write a book? Begin by putting some thoughts down on paper! Are you wondering if the sacrifice you\u2019re making for your children is worth it? It is! Do you want to go back to school? Go; pay the price, even if it takes years! Are you trying to master a skill that takes time, energy, and money? Press on! Are you thinking of going into business or ministry? Step out and do it!
\nYour heavenly father is creative, and you\u2019re just like Him. That\u2019s why you secretly yearn to do certain things. He put those desires within you!
\nRefuse to listen to those who\u2019ve settled for less and want you to do the same!
\nOne hundred and fifty years ago, Martin Van Buren, governor of New York, wrote to President Jackson pointing out the evils of the new railroads. He warned, \u201cMr. President, railroad carriages are pulled at the enormous speed of 15 mph by engines, which in addition to endangering life and limb of passengers, roar and snort their way through the countryside setting fire to crops, scaring livestock and frightening women and children. The Almighty certainly never intended that people should travel at such break-neck speed.\u201d
\nCan you imagine it? That was the Governor of New York speaking!
\nThank God for dreamers; for pioneers who refused to become settlers. We owe them so much. Above my head is an electric light\u2014\u201cThanks, Tom.\u201d On my nose are glasses\u2014\u201cThanks, Ben.\u201d In my driveway is a car\u2014\u201cThanks, Henry.\u201d
\nAre you getting the idea?
\nChapter Eleven
\nNot Everybody Will Make It
\nPerhaps you think this chapter title is too negative. Think again: we only change for three reasons. (1) When our pain levels get so high that we\u2019re forced to. (2) When what we\u2019re doing no longer works for us. (3) When we realize that we can change\u2014and become willing to pay the price.
\nDick Biggs, a consultant who helps Fortune 500 companies improve profits and increase productivity, writes that all of us have unfair experiences; as a result, some of us adopt a \u201ccease and desist\u201d mentality.
\nHe continues, \u201cOne of the best teachers of persistence is your life\u2019s critical turning points. Expect to experience three to nine turning points or \u2018significant changes\u2019 in your life. These transitions can be happy experiences \u2026 or unhappy ones like job losses, divorce, financial setbacks, health problems, or the death of loved ones. But these turning points can also give you a perspective \u2026 by learning from them, you can actually grow at a deeper level.\u201d
\nJames says, \u201cBlessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown\u201d (James 1:12, NIV).
\nA great illustration of this is the life of Abraham Lincoln.
\nIt reads like the biography of a failure. He had less than one year of formal schooling and failed miserably in business in 1831. He was defeated for the legislature in 1832. He failed again in business a year later. His fianc\u00e9e died in 1835. He was defeated for Speaker of the House in 1838. He married into what historians call \u201ca living misery\u201d in 1842. Only one of his four sons lived past the age of 18. He was defeated again for Congress in 1843, elected to Congress in 1846, defeated for Congress in 1848, defeated for the Senate in 1855, defeated for Vice President in 1856, defeated for the Senate in 1858\u2014and after 30 years of failure, became one of America\u2019s greatest presidents in 1860.
\nThe road to victory is often through multiple defeats.
\nWithout pain and problems our accomplishments have little value! If it costs nothing, it means nothing. Learning to overcome adversity and failure is an inevitable part of achieving success. The key is perseverance. That\u2019s why the Psalmist said, \u201cMy heart is fixed, Oh God, my heart is fixed\u201d (Psalm 57:7).
\nThere are people who\u2019ve had it easier than you, and done worse; there are people who\u2019ve had it harder than you, and done better. The circumstances have very little to do with getting over past failures.
\nThere are four things that keep us all stuck there:
\n1) Resentment. Quinton Crisp says humorously, \u201cDon\u2019t try to keep up with the Joneses, just drag them down to your level\u2014it\u2019s cheaper!\u201d Refuse to live a life of comparing, complaining, or criticizing. It\u2019s the road to nowhere.
\n2) Regret. It\u2019ll destroy your creative energies and rob you of hope. Don\u2019t give place to it. We all have things we wish we\u2019d done better. Forgive yourself and move on.
\nRecently I read something called \u201cThe City of Regret.\u201d It tells the whole story.
\n\u201cI had not really planned to take a trip this year, yet I found myself packing anyway. And off I went, dreading it. I was on another guilt trip.
\n\u201cI booked my reservation on Wish I Had Airlines. I didn\u2019t check my bags\u2014everyone carries their own baggage on this airline\u2014and I had to drag mine for what seemed like miles through Regret City Airport. People from all over the world were there too, limping along under the weight of bags they\u2019d packed themselves.
\n\u201cI caught a cab to Last Resort Hotel, the driver looking back and talking over his shoulder the whole trip. When I got there I found the ballroom where my event would be held; the annual Pity Party.
\n\u201cAs I checked in, I saw that all my old colleagues were on the guest list; the Done family\u2014Woulda, Coulda, and Shoulda. Both of the Opportunities\u2014Missed and Lost. All of the Yesterdays\u2014there were too many to count, but all would have sad stories to share. Shattered Dreams and Broken Promises would be there, along with their friends, Don\u2019t Blame Me and I Can\u2019t Help It.
\n\u201cAnd of course, hours and hours of entertainment would be provided by that renowned storyteller\u2014It\u2019s Their Fault.
\n\u201cAs I prepared to settle in for a really long night, I realized that one person alone had the power to send all these people back home and break up the party: Me. All I had to do was return to the present and welcome the new day!\u201d
\n3) Self Pity. Self-pity is deadly. Look at Elijah; twenty-four hours after calling down fire from heaven and single-handedly defeating 850 false prophets, he\u2019s wallowing in it. Listen, \u201cI\u2019ve had enough \u2026 take away my life \u2026 I\u2019ve worked very hard \u2026 but the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, and torn down your altars and killed your prophets, and only I am left; now they\u2019re trying to kill me too\u201d (1 Kings 19:4-10).
\nThere it is\u2014self-pity in the raw. If you give it an inch, it\u2019ll take a mile!
\nRecently I read a story about a parakeet named Chippie. The bird\u2019s problems began one day when the woman who owned him decided to clean up the dirt and feathers from the bottom of his cage, using a vacuum cleaner. Suddenly the phone rang, she turned to pick it up, and you guessed it, there was an awful sucking sound and\u2014whoosh\u2014Chippie was gone.
\nIn a panic she quickly turned off the vacuum, unzipped the bag, and there was Chippie, stunned, but still breathing. Seeing that he was covered with thick black dust, the owner rushed him to the bathtub, where she turned the water on full blast and held the bird under it. At that point she realized she\u2019d done even more damage, and she quickly cranked up her blow dryer and gave him a blast.
\nYou ask, \u201cHow\u2019s Chippie doing these days? The answer is, \u201cOK, but he doesn\u2019t sing much anymore.\u201d
\nWhat\u2019s the moral of the story? Don\u2019t let life steal your song!
\n4) An unteachable spirit. There are just some people who can\u2019t be helped. God can\u2019t help them and you can\u2019t help them either. Here are six of them:
\na) Those continue to make excuses! Excuses are generally a crutch for the uncommitted, or a smoke-screen for self-defense. You can\u2019t help somebody until they become willing to accept personal responsibility and real solutions. Furthermore, if they won\u2019t listen to God, they probably won\u2019t listen to you either.
\nb) Those who refuse to disconnect from the wrong company! Listen, \u201cBad company corrupts good character\u201d (1 Corinthians 15:33, NLT). Certain people don\u2019t belong in our lives, and nothing good will happen for us until we break the link that connects us to them. My mom used to say, \u201cIf you run with dogs, you\u2019ll catch fleas!\u201d Your company will shape your conduct, your conduct will shape your character and your character, will ultimately shape your destiny.
\nc) Those who blame God for their problems! One of America\u2019s wealthiest men became a self-confessed atheist because he blamed God for letting his sister die. How sad. God is too good to do anything evil and too wise to do anything foolish. There are some things He just stamps, \u201cWill explain later.\u201d Until then, you must learn to trust Him. But you\u2019ll never see God as your solution, until you stop seeing Him as your problem. Moses said to the children of Israel, \u201cI have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life\u201d (Deuteronomy 30:19). The choice is always yours!
\nd) Those who want to talk, but not listen! James says there are two kinds of people\u2014hearers and doers. Listen, \u201cBe ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves\u201d (James 1:22). If people want what they don\u2019t have, they must be willing to do what they haven\u2019t done. Furthermore, you\u2019re not supposed to keep meeting everybody\u2019s needs; you\u2019re just supposed to connect them to the One who can. Ultimately they should be dependent on God and themselves\u2014not you.
\ne) Those who don\u2019t think you\u2019re qualified to help them! Jesus was not recognized in His own hometown, yet He was what they needed. Opportunity doesn\u2019t knock, it just stands by waiting to be recognized. If people are \u201cselective\u201d about who they\u2019ll receive help from, it\u2019s usually because they\u2019re not ready to deal with their problem yet.
\nf) Those who want what you have but not what you know! These people want to be rescued but not disciplined; comforted but not confronted. If you keep bailing them out instead of teaching them how to live, you\u2019re not doing them any favors. David said, \u201cIt was good for me to be afflicted\u2026 that I might learn\u201d (Psalm 119:71 NIV). Usually we have to taste the pain of what\u2019s wrong, before we can appreciate the wisdom of what\u2019s right.
\nJohn Maxwell says, \u201cThe problems of people\u2019s past impact them in one of two ways; they experience either a breakdown or a breakthrough.\u201d
\nSister Francis Cabrini chose the latter.
\nChapter Twelve
\nRefuse to Quit
\nIn 1889 Sister Francis Cabrini got off the boat at Ellis Island. She was 38 years of age. Her goal was to establish an orphanage and a school in New York City. Had she been consulting her past in order to determine her future, she\u2019d never have left her home in Italy.
\nFrancesca Lodi-Cabrini was born two months premature in Sant\u2019 Angelo, Italy, and she was the sickliest child in her village. At six years of age she decided she wanted to become a missionary to China. But people mocked her dream. \u201cA missionary order would never accept a girl who is ill most of the time,\u201d her sister Rosa told her.
\nWhen she reached the required age of eighteen, she applied to join a convent and was indeed rejected because she was too sickly. But rejection was not going to make her give up her dream of ministering in Asia.
\nShe began doing what she could where she lived, to build up her strength and prove her worth. She taught neighborhood children. She cared for an older villager. When a smallpox epidemic hit, she nursed family and friends through it until she herself became sick. When she recovered, she reapplied to the convent\u2014and was turned down again.
\nSix years later she finally gained acceptance.
\nShe thought that would put her one step closer to achieving her dream. But she was to experience many more setbacks. Both her parents died within a year. Then she was assigned to teach, a local school rather than one overseas. When she applied to other organizations devoted to working in Asia, they rejected her too. Next, she was asked to oversee a small orphanage in Codogno, a town not more than fifty miles from her home. She spent the next six frustrating years there, until the orphanage was finally closed down.
\nWhen she still dreamed of traveling to Asia, a superior told her that if she wanted to be part of a missionary order, she should start one herself. So that\u2019s what she did. With the assistance of a half-dozen girls from the orphanage, she founded the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart in 1880. During the next eight years, she built the order, establishing foundations in Milan, Rome, and other Italian cities.
\nStill she kept trying to earn a place in Asia.
\nHowever, Pope Leo XIII put an end to her dream by telling her, \u201cNot to the East, but to the West. You will find a vast field of labor in the United States.\u201d She was to help run an orphanage, a school, and a convent in New York City.
\nThat is how Sister Frances Cabrini came to Ellis Island in March, 1889.
\nShe left her lifelong dream behind her in ruins in Italy. But she didn\u2019t look back, nor did she allow the past to hold her hostage.
\nFor the next twenty-eight years, she dedicated herself to the task of ministering to people in the Americas. And she overcame plenty of obstacles to do it. When she arrived in New York, she was told that the plans for the orphanage, school, and convent had fallen through and that she should return to Italy.
\nInstead, she solved the problems they were having and established the facilities anyway.
\nIt didn\u2019t matter what difficulties she faced, she continually overcame them. By the time she died in 1917, at age 87, she had founded more than 70 hospitals, schools, and orphanages, in the United States, Spain, France, England and South America.
\nHer impact was incredible. She was the Mother Teresa of her day\u2014possessing similar compassion, grit, tenacity, and leadership.
\nBut she never would have made a difference if she had allowed her past to hold her hostage. Instead of lamenting the loss of her dream and the hurts of her youth, she moved on and did what she could where God put her.
\nYou can do the same.
\nChapter Thirteen
\nTaking Risks
\nJesus, the greatest of all teachers, said, \u201cEveryone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened\u201d (Matthew 7:7, NIV). So often we lose when we could have won, because we were afraid to keep asking, to keep seeking, and to keep knocking.
\nWe just stood back and let somebody else take the risk\u2014and get the reward.
\nSome time ago I read these powerful words: \u201cTo laugh is to risk appearing a fool. To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. To reach out to another is to risk involvement. To expose your feelings to others is to risk rejection. To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds, is to risk failure. But risks must be taken because the greatest risk of all is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, he cannot feel, he cannot change, he cannot grow, and he cannot love. Chained by his certitudes he is a slave. Only the person who risks is truly free.\u201d
\nDavid Bayles and Ted Orland tell about a ceramics teacher, who created a unique grading system for his students. Here\u2019s how it worked.
\nHe divided the class into two groups. The first group would be graded solely on the number of pieces they produced, and the second group on the quality of the pieces they produced. The procedure was simple. The teacher would weigh the work of the first group. Fifty pounds of ceramic pots rated an \u201cA,\u201d forty pounds a \u201cB,\u201d and so on.
\nThose being graded strictly on quality needed to produce only one pot\u2014but it had to be as near perfect as possible to get an \u201cA.\u201d
\nThe results were amazing. The first group got busy churning out pots\u2014each of them better than the one before. But the second group just sat around talking about perfection, and in the end had nothing to show for their efforts but grandiose theories\u2014and a pile of dead clay.
\nWhat a lesson! Until you overcome your fear of making a mistake, you\u2019ll never make anything. You\u2019ll certainly never make much of a difference.
\nTime did a feature on a group of people who had lost their jobs three times because of plant closings. Psychologists expected them to be discouraged, but they were surprisingly optimistic. Their adversity had actually created an advantage! Because they had already lost a job and found a new one at least twice, they were better able to handle adversity than people who had worked for only one company and suddenly found themselves unemployed.
\nLloyd Ogilvie tells of an acquaintance who was a trapeze artist. The man described learning to work on the trapeze this way:
\n\u201cWhen you finally understand that the net will always catch you, you stop worrying about falling. But it takes repeated falls to convince you of that. However, once you know that, you can begin to concentrate on catching the bar, learning the techniques, and developing confidence. When that happens, you fall less\u2014and each fall makes you able to risk more.\u201d
\nDon\u2019t be afraid of \u201cblowing it.\u201d You can\u2019t advance without going through difficulties; you simply can\u2019t do it! And even if you could, you\u2019d have nothing to share with others that they could relate to.
\nIn 1978, Bernie Marcus, the son of a poor Russian cabinetmaker in Newark, was fired from Handy Dan, a do-it-yourself hardware retailer.
\nGetting fired is traumatic for even the best of us, for it can mean the loss of security, identity, and self-worth. In reality, it can be as painful as the loss of a marriage or a loved one.
\nBut instead of giving up, Marcus teamed up with a friend and they started their own business. In 1979 they opened their first store in Atlanta, Georgia. It was called the Home Depot.
\nToday, they have more than 760 stores employing over 157,000 people, and the business has now expanded overseas. Each year his corporation does more than 30 billion dollars worth of sales.
\nNow I doubt if Bernie Marcus enjoyed getting fired, but look what he\u2019d have missed if he hadn\u2019t!
\nUniversity of Houston\u2019s, Professor Jack Matson, recognized that in order to succeed you must first learn to deal with failure. So he developed a course for his students called Failure 101. In class he got his students to build mock-ups of products that nobody would ever buy. His goal was to get them to equate failure with creativity\u2014instead of defeat. That way they freed themselves to keep trying new things without fear.
\nSome of the world\u2019s greatest success stories resulted from what seemed like mistakes at the time.
\nKellogg\u2019s Corn Flakes were created because boiled wheat was accidentally left baking in a pan overnight. Ivory Soap floats because a batch of it was left in a mixer too long, and air got whipped into it. Paper towels were invented because a machine put too many layers of tissue together. Horace Walpole said, \u201cIn science, mistakes always precede the truth.\u201d
\nSuccess in any field is always preceded by mistakes, discoveries, and the courage that turns obstacles into opportunities. When you can accept that and work with it, the future is yours.
\nChapter Fourteen
\nDon\u2019t Limit Your Potential
\nUntil Roger Bannister showed up, the world believed that nobody could break the 4-minute mile. People thought, \u201cIf it hasn\u2019t been done, it\u2019s because it can\u2019t be.\u201d Wrong! Bannister not only did it; he started a new trend.
\nDid you know that the 1936 Olympic world records have now become the qualifying standards for today\u2019s athletes. Why? Because now we know we can do better!
\nHave you ever seen trained fleas? When you first put them in the jar and put the lid on it, they jump up and down, frantically hitting their heads against it. But finally, after a lot of headaches, they quit jumping so high and enjoy their newfound comfort. At this point you can remove the lid and the fleas will still be held captive; not by a real lid, but by a mindset that says, \u201cSo high and no higher.\u201d
\nDo voices in your head say the same thing to you?
\nWhy don\u2019t we bounce back? Why don\u2019t we get up and try again? For several reasons. First, we don\u2019t want to be embarrassed or look bad. How many times did you fall before you learned to walk? How often did you garble your language before you learned to speak properly?
\nSometimes we refuse to try again because we\u2019re waiting and hoping that things will get easier. If Michelangelo had been looking for the easy way, he would have painted the floor of the Sistine Chapel instead of the ceiling\u2014and his life\u2019s work would have been lost forever.
\nYou\u2019ve got to pay the price. Listen to the words of the master teacher: \u201cFor which one of you when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost?\u201d (Luke 14:28, NAS).
\nWhat are you waiting for\u2014the perfect time? Instead of waiting for life to happen, go out and make it happen!
\nSomeone once asked Oscar Wilde, the playwright, what the difference was between an amateur and a professional. He replied, \u201cAn amateur writes when he feels like it; a professional writes regardless.\u201d
\nMicrosoft magnate, Bill Gates says, \u201cWhen you get an insight or an inspiration, do something about it within the first 24 hours\u2014or the odds are against your ever doing it.\u201d
\nWhen Gates started out, most people, including some of his friends, dismissed him as \u201ca geek.\u201d Why? Because he dared to think \u201coutside the box\u201d and to go where nobody had ever gone before. Furthermore, he took the risk of sinking every penny he had into his dream, including what he could borrow.
\nIt paid off\u2014today he\u2019s one of the five richest men on earth!
\nFletcher Byrom says, \u201cMake sure you generate a reasonable number of mistakes. Too many executives are so afraid of error that they rigidify the organization with checks and counterchecks, discourage innovation, and in the end, so structure themselves that they miss the kind of offbeat opportunity that can send a company skyrocketing.\u201d
\nWhether you\u2019re trying to rebuild your life, your marriage, or your career, you\u2019ll always have to deal with fear; it\u2019s just that your fear will be different at 90 than it is at 19. Once you accept that, you\u2019ll feel less unique and alone.
\nDid you know that Julius Caesar conquered the world, but was terrified of thunder? Or that Peter the Great of Russia cried like a child when he had to cross bridges? Doctor Samuel Johnston, the celebrated British writer, was afraid to enter a room with his left foot first. If he did accidentally, he backed out and re-entered with his right one.
\nRefuse to let fear control your life or it\u2019ll keep you from reaching your destiny. What a price! Remember again the words of John Maxwell, \u201cFear breeds inaction, inaction breeds lack of experience, lack of experience breeds ignorance, and ignorance breeds fear.\u201d
\nIf you\u2019re caught in this deadly cycle, here are some \u201cfear-fighters\u201d on which you need to meditate regularly, and commit to memory.
\n1. \u201cHave not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest\u201d (Joshua 1:9).
\n2. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind\u201d (2 Timothy 1:7). (Note: fear is a spirit\u2014an attitude\u2014a response pattern.)
\n3. \u201cThou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee\u201d (Isaiah 26:3). (My friend, Sarah Utterbach, says, \u201cHe can\u2019t be your peace unless he is first your focus.\u201d)
\n4. \u201cFor the Lord\u2026 He it is that doth go before thee; He will be with thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee; fear not, neither be dismayed\u201d (Deuteronomy 31:8).
\n5. \u201cIn God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me\u201d (Psalm 56:4).
\n6. \u201cPeace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid\u201d (John 14:27).
\n7. \u201cFor He hath said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper \u2026 I will not fear what man shall do unto me\u201d (Hebrews 13:5-6).
\nWhen God gives you an idea, or speaks to you with definite direction\u2014that\u2019s the moment of truth! At that very moment you either make a commitment or make an excuse. You act in faith or react in fear; but right then you\u2019re deciding your future.
\nFear usually comes dressed up as an excuse. Every time you pull back from a God-given opportunity because of fear, you lay one more brick in the wall that will ultimately keep you from reaching your life\u2019s goals.
\nIf God has opened a door for you, just take His hand and start moving forward. You can\u2019t control the wind, but by His grace you can adjust your sails to take you where you want to go.
\nRemember, opportunity is a visitor; don\u2019t assume it will be back again tomorrow. Move while the door is open!
\nChapter Fifteen
\nWhat\u2019s Your Achilles Heel?
\nAchilles was a mythological Greek warrior, who was supposed to be indestructible\u2014except for one tiny spot on his heel. And that\u2019s the spot that destroyed him.
\nWe refer to these areas as our \u201cblind spots.\u201d
\nSometimes we\u2019re blind to our strengths, and go through life thinking others are wiser or more worthy than we are. As a result we miss a lot of great things we could have had.
\nBut more often than not, our blind spots are in the area of our weaknesses. Ego can blind us to our own vulnerability. If you\u2019re unwilling to acknowledge that you\u2019ve got a problem, you won\u2019t protect yourself in that area or work on it, and as a result you\u2019ll keep getting into trouble.
\nHere are five very common reasons why we fail.
\nFirst, we fail because we love things more than people.
\nPeople don\u2019t care how much you know, until they first know how much you care. The truth is, when others think you don\u2019t really care about them, they can actually help you to fail, or at least stand by and do nothing to keep it from happening. On the other hand, you can survive a lot of mistakes because people remember your kindness. Jesus said, \u201cBlessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy\u201d (Matthew 5:7). It\u2019s the harvest law and it still works today.
\nAre you \u201cup front\u201d with people or do they have to wonder about your motives? Do you listen when they talk, or are you just waiting for your turn to speak? Do you expect everybody to conform to your wishes, your schedule, and your agenda, or do you look for ways to help and accommodate them?
\nRecently I read an article entitled \u201cHow to Prevent Organizational Dry Rot.\u201d It\u2019s a real eye opener, especially if you\u2019re a leader of any kind.
\n1. Have an effective program for the recruitment and development of talent; people are the ultimate source of renewal.
\n2. Don\u2019t kill the spark of individuality.
\n3. Cultivate a climate where it\u2019s comfortable to ask questions.
\n4. Don\u2019t carve the internal structure in stone; most structures are designed to solve problems that no longer exist.
\n5. Have a good system of internal communication.
\n6. Don\u2019t become prisoners of procedures. In most organizations, the rulebook grows fatter as the ideas grow fewer.
\n7. Combat the tendencies toward the vested interest of a few; in the long run everyone\u2019s best interest is in the continuing vitality of the group.
\n8. Be more interested in what you are becoming, than in what you have been.
\n9. An organization runs on three things; motivation, conviction, and morale; each person has to believe that his talent means something and he is recognized by the whole.
\n10. The profit-and-loss statement is not the true measure of your success; fulfilling your God-given purpose and making daily progress toward your goals is.
\nSecond, we fail because of a negative outlook.
\nDid you hear about the man who went to the fortune-teller? After studying his palm she said to him, \u201cYou\u2019ll be sad, miserable, and poor until you\u2019re thirty.\u201d He asked, \u201cWhat happens when I\u2019m thirty?\u201d She replied, \u201cThen you\u2019ll get used to it!\u201d
\nIt happens so easily, especially in the company of the wrong people. Before you know it, you\u2019re criticizing and complaining again, and the atmosphere around you is negative. Why? Because your words create the climate you live in. Furthermore, healthy people won\u2019t live in that climate.
\nBut you say, \u201cI only talk like that when I\u2019m upset.\u201d Listen, \u201cDo not be anxious about anything, but \u2026 with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts\u201d (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV).
\nDid you get that? You free yourself from anxiety by thanksgiving\u2014not by complaining. Never let the level of your thanksgiving be according to your circumstances, for God is greater than any circumstance.
\nYou say, how do I change?
\n1) You have to want to. Abraham Lincoln said, \u201cMost folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.\u201d
\n2) Catch yourself in the act. If you\u2019ve always been negative, don\u2019t expect to change overnight. But make a start; from now on if you can\u2019t say something helpful, say nothing.
\n3) Begin to look for what\u2019s good\u2014and you\u2019ll find it. Listen, \u201cWhatever is true \u2026 noble \u2026 right \u2026 pure \u2026 lovely \u2026 think about such things\u201d (Philippians 4:8 NIV).
\nThird, we fail is because we\u2019re in the wrong place.
\nOften failure is just a result of mismatched abilities, interests, personalities, or values. Think about that carefully.
\nBusiness consultant, Paul Stokes, maintains that the most important ingredient in success is in being able to identify your mountain, or your purpose in life. He says, \u201cI run into people every day who are basically climbing the wrong mountain. They\u2019ve spent twenty years or more doing something that has no real purpose for them. Then one day they look back and say, \u2018What have I been doing?\u2019 \u201d
\nIs that how you feel today?
\nBefore you start the journey, check the roadmap. Ask God for direction. His promise is, \u201cIn all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths\u201d (Proverbs 3:6). God has a plan and a purpose for your life.
\nYou have nothing\u2014absolutely nothing\u2014more important to do, than find that plan and fulfill it.
\nFourth, we fail because of a lack of commitment.
\nGoethe said, \u201cUntil you are committed there is a hesitance, a chance to draw back, and always ineffectiveness. But the moment you commit yourself, a whole stream of events results from that decision, bringing in your favor unforeseen incidents and material assistance which nobody could have dreamed would come his way.\u201d
\nThe last time you failed, did you stop trying because you failed, or did you fail because you stopped trying?
\nJessie Owens set his first world record in junior high school. Then in college he broke three world records in less than an hour. In 1936, he showed his real character at the Olympics in Nazi Germany. As Hitler watched, he set three more world records, and won four gold medals. Losing to a black American was more than Hitler could stand, and he stormed out of the stadium in a rage.
\nLater Jessie Owens wrote: \u201cThere is something that can happen to every athlete and every human being; the instinct to slack off. To give in to pain, to give less than your best \u2026 the instinct to hope you can win through luck, or through your opponent not doing his best, instead of going to the limit and past the limit, where victory is always found. Defeating those negative instincts that are out to defeat us, is the difference between winning and losing\u2014and we face that battle every day of our lives.\u201d
\nThose words should be posted where you can read them every day!
\nGod\u2019s not limited by your limitations. He used a boy\u2019s slingshot to bring down a giant, and a teenage girl named Esther to save her nation from a holocaust. God\u2019s neither dependent on what you have, nor limited by what you don\u2019t have.
\nPaul says, \u201cGod deliberately chose \u2026 things counted as nothing at all, and used them \u2026 so that no one can ever boast\u201d (1 Corinthians 1:27-29, NLT). Jesus said, \u201cI will build my church\u201d (Matthew 16:18). Build it with what? Twelve people just like you and me. But when He poured Himself into them, He was so concentrated in them, that if two of them got together, they could turn any town upside down.
\nBut you say, \u201cI have so many weaknesses.\u201d We all come to the Lord damaged and in need of repair. But just because you\u2019re damaged doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re not delivered. No, it just means you\u2019re not yet fully developed. You can be delivered in one area and struggling in another\u2014yet God will still use you for His glory.
\nYears ago, T. D. Jakes preached his famous sermon, Woman Thou Art Loosed, to a Bible class of forty women in West Virginia. In those days no one had ever heard of him. But he remained faithful, teachable, and available to God. Last year he preached that same sermon to 86,000 women in the Georgia Dome!
\nYour limited education, your obscurity, your race, and even your past failures will not stop you\u2014but your lack of commitment will!
\nFifth, we fail because of our inability or unwillingness to change.
\nWhether it\u2019s an organization or an individual, we all struggle with this one.
\nRecently I smiled as I read the \u201cTop Ten Strategies for Dealing with a Dead Horse.\u201d Check and see if you recognize any of them:
\n1. Buy a stronger whip.
\n2. Change riders.
\n3. Appoint a committee to study the horse.
\n4. Find a team to revive the horse.
\n5. Send out a memo declaring the horse really isn\u2019t dead.
\n6. Hire an expensive consultant and find \u201cthe real problem.\u201d
\n7. Harness several dead horses together for increased speed and efficiency.
\n8. Rewrite the standard definition for a live horse.
\n9. Declare the horse to be better, faster, and cheaper when dead.
\n10. Promote the horse to a supervisory position.
\nChange can be painful, especially if you\u2019ve been doing things a certain way for a long time. Furthermore, it often means leaving behind people who are not willing to move forward.
\nBut that\u2019s the cost of personal growth and success!
\nSometimes changing and growing means finding a mentor. I simply wouldn\u2019t be where I am today without mentors, especially in those early years when I had little training, and even less direction.
\nMy first mentor taught me that without the discipline to read, I had no future. He\u2019d say, \u201cUntil you have water in your own well, you\u2019ve got to draw it from other men\u2019s wells.\u201d Then he taught me which ones to draw it from.
\nIn those days I was a traveling speaker, so he was very demanding about things like personal appearance, hygiene, and good manners, especially when I was a guest in someone\u2019s home. He was a real stickler for study habits and the development of vocabulary. He\u2019d say, \u201cWords paint pictures. People need to see it as well as hear it.\u201d
\nAt times I felt like he was being hard on me, but now I realize that he was just what I needed. Why? Because he knew how to love, but not over-protect; to stretch, but not beyond the breaking point; to encourage, but not overindulge, to release, but never abandon. What a gift Dr. Gordon Magee was to me.
\nIn this day of tarnished leaders, busy parents, and arrogant authority figures, we need more mentors like him\u2014guides who know they\u2019re not gods. Coaches behind the scenes who know how to whisper both hope and reproof on our journey toward excellence. Do you have a mentor?
\nYour future could depend on it.
\nChapter Sixteen
\nThe Difference Is Attitude!
\nOne night when Thomas Edison was 67 years old, he watched as most of his life\u2019s work burned to the ground. Standing in the ashes he turned to a friend and said, \u201cThank goodness all of our mistakes are burned up. Now we can start again fresh.\u201d
\nYou can start again. You can begin your life all over again today, if you want too. John Maxwell writes, \u201cEach time you plan, risk, fail, re-evaluate, and adjust, you have another opportunity to begin again, only better than the last time.
\nEvery time you face mistakes and attempt to move forward in spite of them, is a test of character. \u201cThere always comes a time when giving up is easier than standing up, and giving in looks more attractive than digging in. In those moments, character may be the only thing you have to draw on to keep you going.\u201d
\nChampionship-winning NBA coach Pat Riley said, \u201cThere comes a moment that defines winning from losing. The true warrior understands and seizes the moment by giving an effort so intensive and intuitive that it could be called one from the heart.\u201d
\nAfter you\u2019ve been knocked down and had the will to get back up, the intelligence to plan your comeback, and the courage to take action, know this: you will experience one of those defining moments. And it will define you\u2014as an achiever or a quitter. Prepare for that moment and know that it\u2019s coming\u2014and you\u2019ll increase your chances of winning your way through it.
\nBut let me point out something very important right here.
\nIt\u2019s not enough just to stay in the ring. That\u2019s commendable, but if that\u2019s all you do, you\u2019ll get your brains knocked out and still not win. The secret is to get back up and do things differently next time. Aldous Huxley said, \u201cExperience is not what happens to you. Experience is what you do with what happens to you.\u201d Think about that carefully.
\nHave you ever written down your goals? If you don\u2019t know where you\u2019re going, any road will get you there. It\u2019s your goals that determine your strategy. It works like this: your goal determines your plan, your plan determines your actions, and your actions determine your success.
\nHere are some wise words from an old prophet that you need to ponder: \u201cWrite the vision, and make it plain \u2026 that he may run that readeth it\u201d (Habakkuk 2:2). Write down your goal on a 3×5 card. Carry it with you wherever you go. Read it daily. It\u2019ll keep you from losing your way. Remember, busyness and barrenness go hand in hand, so before you hit the throttle\u2014check the compass.
\nNovelist Victor Hugo said, \u201cHe who every morning plans the transactions of the day and follows that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to chance, chaos will soon reign.\u201d
\nBenjamin Franklin bottom-lined it: \u201cBy failing to plan, you are planning to fail.\u201d
\nBut once you have a plan of action, you need the right attitude. We\u2019re talking here about a spirit that never gives up!
\nI\u2019m fascinated by the life of Thomas Edison. Anybody who can give the world the electric light, the microphone, the storage battery, the phonograph, and a thousand other inventions, is worth studying. Historians say he was driven by one word: purpose. Not pleasure, not popularity, not even personal gain\u2014but purpose.
\nHere are some of the recorded principles by which he lived: (1) Work to obtain all the knowledge you can about what you want to achieve. (2) Fix your mind on your purpose. Persist! Seek! Use all the knowledge you can accumulate or learn from others. (3) Keep on searching no matter how many times you meet with disappointment. (4) Refuse to be influenced by the fact that someone else tried the same thing and failed. (5) Keep yourself sold on the idea that a solution to the problem exists somewhere, and that you\u2019ll find it.
\nThen he adds, \u201cThe trouble with most people is, they quit before they ever start.\u201d
\nIt\u2019s only when you\u2019ve done your part that you can call on God with confidence to do the things you can\u2019t do. Nehemiah didn\u2019t conquer through brilliance, he conquered through prayer\u2014and perseverance (Nehemiah 4:9). In spite of the criticism, in spite of the pressure, he refused to fold his tent and run\u2014that\u2019s why he rebuilt Jerusalem.
\nGod always honors the man or the woman with a spirit that never gives up\u2014always! So take another look at your attitude. Do a check-up from the neck-up!
\nChapter Seventeen
\nKeep Playing!
\nOne night before a huge audience, the great violinist Paganini stood playing a difficult piece of music. A full orchestra surrounded him. Suddenly one of the strings on his violin broke and hung down from his instrument. Beads of perspiration formed on his brow, but he continued to play, improvising as he went.
\nTo everybody\u2019s surprise a second string broke. Then a third. Now there were three limp strings dangling from his violin, as the master-performer completed the composition on one remaining string. When he was through, the audience jumped to its feet and filled the hall with thunderous applause. When the clapping and shouting ceased, Paganini asked the audience to sit down.
\nHolding the violin high for everyone to see, he nodded to the conductor to begin the encore. Then turning back toward the crowd, with a twinkle in his eye he smiled and shouted, \u201cPaganini \u2026 and one string!\u201d
\nWith his Stradivarius beneath his chin he played the final piece while the audience and the conductor shook their heads in amazement.
\nPaganini \u2026 and one string \u2026 and an attitude that refuses to quit.
\nThat\u2019s what it takes!
\nThe inspiring Victor Frankl, who was a prisoner during the Holocaust, endured years of indignity and humiliation before he was finally liberated.
\nWhen he was first captured he was marched into a Gestapo courtroom. His captors had taken away his home, his family, his freedom, his possessions, and even his watch and wedding ring. After shaving his head and stripping him, he stood naked under the glaring lights of the German High Command, being interrogated and falsely accused. He was destitute, a helpless pawn in the hands of brutal, prejudiced men.
\nBut in that moment something happened to him. He suddenly realized there was one thing nobody could ever take from him\u2014just one.
\nThe power to choose his own attitude!
\nRegardless of what anyone did to him, or what the future held for him, he could always choose his own attitude. Bitterness or forgiveness. To give up or go on. Hatred or hope. Determination to endure, or the paralysis of self-pity. It all boiled down to Frankl \u2026 and one string!
\nThe longer I live the more I believe that life is about 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we respond to it.
\nThe most important decision you\u2019ll make every day is your choice of an attitude. It\u2019s more important than your past, your education, your wealth, what other people think about you, your circumstances, or your position. Attitude is the \u201csingle string\u201d that either keeps you going or cripples your progress. With the right attitude, no barrier is too high, no valley is too deep, no goal is too extreme, and no challenge is too great.
\nYet we spend more of our time fretting over the strings that snap\u2014things we can\u2019t change\u2014than we do giving attention to the one that remains, our choice of attitude.
\nRemember the Serenity Prayer? It goes like this:
\n\u201cGod grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.\u201d
\nUnless we are willing to pray that prayer and live by it\u2019s principles, we suffer, grow sour, get ulcers, and become twisted. Some of us actually die because of it.
\nDozens of studies have confirmed that. One study called \u201cBroken Heart\u201d researched the death rate of 4,500 widowers within six months of the deaths of their wives. Compared with other men of the same age, these widowers had a mortality rate\u201440% higher. Why? Because they gave up!
\nHarold Kushner, an army medical officer held by the Vietcong for over five years, tells of a soldier who died because of his attitude. In an article in New York Magazine, this tragic account is told:
\n\u201cAmong the prisoners in Kushner\u2019s POW camp, was a tough young marine twenty-four years old. He had already survived two years of prison-camp life in relatively good health. Part of the reason for this was because the camp commander had promised to release him if he cooperated. Since this had been done before with others, he turned into a model POW and even became the leader of the camp\u2019s \u2018thought-reform group.\u2019
\n\u201cBut as time passed he realized they had lied to him. When the full realization of that took hold, he became a zombie. He refused to do all work, rejected all offers of food and encouragement, and simply lay on his cot sucking his thumb. In a matter of weeks he was dead.\u201d
\nWhen that last string snapped, there was nothing left!
\nChapter Eighteen
\nBe Relentless!
\nFor a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again. (Proverbs 24:16)
\nThe theme of Christianity is\u2014rising again! King Solomon says a just man is successful because he continues to get up. God will enable you to stand in the midst of contrary winds, and when you stumble, to grasp the hand of His grace and get back up one more time. Listen: \u201cThey that stumbled are girded with strength\u201d (1 Samuel 2:4).
\nIf you want to accomplish anything of significance, then you must be relentless! Relentless people refuse to take \u201cno\u201d for an answer. They try things one way, and if that doesn\u2019t work, they try them another. But they never give up!
\nYou, who are about to break beneath the weight of your struggles, be relentless! Don\u2019t give up on your family! Don\u2019t give up on your business! Don\u2019t give up on yourself!
\nA terrible thing happens when you give up; it\u2019s called regret. It\u2019s the nagging thought, \u201cIf only I\u2019d tried harder, or tried again, maybe\u2014just maybe\u2014I could have succeeded.\u201d
\nIn the 14th century the Emperor Tamerlane, a descendant of Genghis Khan, was badly defeated in battle. As he lay hidden in a barn, enemy troops scoured the countryside looking for him. Suddenly he noticed an ant trying to push a kernel of corn that was many times bigger than itself, up over a wall. Sixty-nine times the ant tried and failed, but on the seventieth try it succeeded. Leaping to his feet Tamerland shouted, \u201cIf you can do it, I can too!\u201d
\nHe reorganized his forces, went back and soundly defeated the enemy!
\nIf you\u2019re thinking of quitting, listen to the words of General Joab, who led King David\u2019s armies: \u201cBe strong and let us fight bravely \u2026 the LORD will do what is good\u201d (2 Samuel 10:12, NIV).
\nJoab knew that if you do your part, God will do the rest. As long as you are on the battlefield God can give your victory. But if you quit, what more can He do for you?
\nNever give up when you know you\u2019re right! Believe that all things work together for good, if you just persevere! Don\u2019t let the odds discourage you, God is bigger than all of them. Refuse to let anybody intimidate you or deter you from your goals! Fight and overcome every limitation! Remember, every winner has dealt with defeat and adversity!
\nIn a recent survey of very successful people, not one of them viewed their mistakes as failures. They simply called them learning experiences or tuition paid, or opportunities for growth. What an attitude!
\nHenry Ward Beecher said, \u201cIt takes defeat to turn bone into flint, gristle into muscle, and make us invincible. It forms in us that heroic nature that causes us to rise above all obstacles. Don\u2019t be afraid of defeat, for you are never so near to victory as when you are defeated in a good cause.\u201d
\nDid you notice the words, \u201cso near to victory\u201d? That\u2019s where you are today!
\nCome on, get back up. Try one more time. The next time can be the last time; the time when you break through!
\nWhat do you really want? To break a habit? To make your marriage work? To lose weight? To get out of debt? To get over your hurts and move on? To start your own business? To become more patient, loving, and gracious? To spend more time with your children or your mate? To learn the computer? To go back to church? To take a trip? Go ahead , you fill in the blank: ______________________.
\nNow listen to these words: \u201cBy His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction \u2026 His mercies begin afresh each day; great is Your faithfulness;\u201d (Lamentations 3:22-23 NLT).
\nIt\u2019s a new day. You are being offered a chance to start over. Take hold of God\u2019s hand. Stand on His promise. Receive His strength. Believe that this time, by His grace, you\u2014will\u2014succeed!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Preface Failing doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m a failure; it just means I have not yet succeeded. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve accomplished nothing; it just means I\u2019ve learned something. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ve been a fool; it just means I\u2019ve had the courage to take a risk. It doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m inferior; it just means I\u2019m not … <\/p>\n